Want my abusive violent son out!!

He's 13
I'm not disagreeing the Op needs help but to say he's a bad apple at 13 is awful.

No children are 'bad apples'. This is a disgusting comment.

Where are you getting that from? OP doesn't say that.

OP thinks he is neurodivergent. No other professionals do. Yes he may be, but it will take a very long time to even get an assessment if no one else supports what OP thinks.

This is probably not what you want to hear but you might have to phone the police on him for your and your other childrens safety

Some people are just bad apples and it sounds like your son is one

Stay safe and strong

If she dumped him at Social Services offices she would be legally abandoning him.
She needs to call the police every time he is violent, and ask Social Services to take him into care.

OP,
Please look into ODD which stands for Oppositional Defiant Disorder.
It overlaps with ADHD and some autism traits.

What Are The Signs & Symptoms of ODD?
Children with oppositional defiant disorder:

• Lose their temper often
• Are quick to argue with adults over rules, requests or even small, unimportant things
• Are uncooperative
• Are unwilling to follow rules
• Annoy others deliberately and become annoyed by others easily
• Blame others for their misconduct or mistakes
• Are spiteful and vindictive
• Get in frequent arguments with their peers
• Are disciplined at school frequently

Please get your child assessed. With ODD it can develop into conduct disorder.
Your child needs to see a clinical pyschologist with cognitive therapy.

With ODD, it is exhausting for the parent. Please get your child to have an assessment.

Would he agree to a section 20?

Section 20 is a voluntary agreement between parents or guardians of a child and the local authority. This arrangement allows parents to place their child under the care of the local authority for a short, specified period, with the goal of ensuring the child's safety and well-being.

What? I've just skimmed all OP's posts and she never said anything like that - she said she thinks he clearly has some kind of neurodivergent condition. He hasn't been assessed in any case! And how are you deciding that he doesn't have mental ill health?

CAHMS is if a child has mental health issues or neurodiversity. Everyone OP has spoken to has said her child is not neurodiverse.

I work via an agency with lots of young people who are school reducers etc. CAMHS is a waste of time as it will take literally months to even get an initial assessment. The most pressing thing here is that he is being violent and putting you and your other children at risk.

You say police and other agencies are already aware. This does sound like a case where you need to exercise tough love and contact Soc Serv and say that you can not tolerate his violent and abusive behaviour any more and want him to go into foster care. It is completely untenable for him to remain at home.

Alternatively, the next time he does anything physically violent, whether an assault or criminal damage, you must phone the police and when they attend, ask them to take him away and refuse to take him back.

i feel for you - it is a horrendous situation to be in. I know from experience that the authorities will not do anything as long as they know the parent will still have the young person at home; they will do anything to avoid taking him into care, so you really need to force the point.

She needs the GP to refer to CAMHS. Why are you saying not to bother with them!?

She’s not abandoning him she is surrendering him to the authorities who have let them both down. But I agree she needs crisis help with him.

Absolutely. My son is AuDHD with PDA and many similar traits which I recognise. The behaviour is his nervous system being in constant fight/flight mode. The demand avoidance and controlling behaviour ie telling you when to leave the room etc is a reaction to feeling threat to his autonomy.
Once I knew what was causing the behaviour I learnt how best to deal with it. Walking away and not engaging in arguments is important for your own self care .
Atpeaceparents on Instagram is a valuable source of knowledge and insight and gives really useful tips for helping deal with teens who display these traits.
Good luck OP it’s really hard.

Dropping him off on the side of a motorway is a crime. Surrendering your violent, abusive child to children's services because he is beating you and your other children is not.

I think her son believes he has a carte blanche to behave the way he does, and a serious visit from the police and a social worker to explain that no, the OP does not actually have to endure this until he puts her in hospital or kills her. She DOES have options, and none of them look very bright for him. It doesn't sound like he has ever faced a consequence he cares about.

In contradiction of a comment someone else made about not being able to leave a child with social services (for whatever reason), you absolutely can. I am a foster carer and at present have a sibling pair whose parents did just that. They have nowhere near the serious issues your son has, and violence was not involved. But they had stolen some money and the parents rejected them both and they have been with me for over two years now. The parents still retain parental responsibility and always come to meetings and assessments, but refuse to have them home. For me, they are a joy to have.

I really think for your sake, for your child's sake and for your other children's sake you should do this. Once in care your son will be able to receive more help and support, and hopefully once this is done, you will be able to go back to being son and mother again. I wish you luck.

I could have written something years ago that was identical to this in relation to a family member and their child. However their child had a diagnosis for autism, ADHD and PDA which I wonder if these come into it with your son. (it does not excuse the behaviour) I would recommend speaking to social services for ugrent help and support. I'm sorry your going through this OP its a horrible situation to be in. I have two ND kids of my own one tween and one teen and when my tween was younger she was very physical towards me and no one else! It was a really awful time so I truly sympathise with you. I'm also sorry for your loss it's not easy when a parent passes away especially if they are like you say 'all you had'. X

been there, done that. Dont bother with GP. Make a self referral to the MASSH team and ring the police whenever he gets violent. That will trigger SS involvement and help. Does he have an Ehcp? If not apply for one. Don't home school him (doesn't sound like it's working anyways)

How does your son spend his time if he's not at school and not engaging in home ed?

Ring social services and get them to come out again

Social services were a massive help to my family and got my DD pushed to the top of the cahms waiting list, she was diagnosed within 4 months of them getting involved. They've set her up with therapy too. They were a massive advocate for us both and got our entire family the help and support we needed. Can't thank them enough

Get on the phone to social and explain, get someone to come out and they should help.

How? Her problem needs sorting immediately. It sounds as if OP has done all she can. The boy needs removing from the family, he is putting them in danger!

@ExpensiveBiscuits legally he has a right to an education. In order to access any kind of alternative provision, he has to be on a school roll. If his behaviour is deemed unacceptable in a school setting, then the school will go down the permanent exclusion route and place him in alternative provision that way. Elective Home Education means that the local authority has no liability at all to provide anything. No one can decide that a young person shouldn't be in school until correct processes have been followed.

It's not that simple though is it ,it's not about what you or I t
Should think should happen
There is a process to be followed.

Section 20 doesn't involve child protection conferences. It might follow from a CP conference but not necessarily.

Section 20 will involve an assessment and child protection conferences, so it does take months, but once CS are involved there may be an emergency duty to remove.