Page 4 | Want my abusive violent son out!!

Whatayear2023 · 2025-02-07T13:01:04+00:00

I've had enough!!! I have not one single person helping me! My son is 13 almost 14. He refused school 2 years ago. I am supposed to home school him but he won't do a thing just says no. He's very violent towards me I don't go most weeks without a bruise He lies about the most horrid things. Anything I say he twists Anything I ask him to do is met with a fook off pathetic fat pig. He breaks Anything I have tells me it's shit anyway Xmas day I got him stuff he opened.it and said to take it all back its all a load.of.shit despite it being things he asked for or needed I have been to Dr's twice who made referrals and apparently each time it's call the family advice... when he was in primary a referral was done due to him attacking me.unprovoked and all these referrals are parental workshops. I'm not being funny but when do they actually sort out the child instead of just saying oh you need parental course. I've read.and tried so many different approaches over the years.nothing works. He's not abused witnessed violence I don't drink use drugs and I've never brought a man home. I want to walk out but can't ...

Liveandletlive18 · 07/02/2025 16:12

JoyousGreyOrca · 07/02/2025 16:10

You are diagnosing this as a mental health breakdown. A teenager being violent is not automatically having mental health problems

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His mother has said she strongly suspects serious mental health problems & he isn't receiving the proper help. At 12/13 he is also a young child. That's enough to merit drastic measures imo.

There is far too much pussyfooting around in cases like this with random indecissive chats about referrals for tests,assessments & goodness knows what else with waiting lists as long as your arm. All this pussyfooting can have serious consequences for those immediately involved & others.

OP sounds like she is desperate. She would be well within her rights to take the situation into her own hands. The next time she is assaulted she should demand her son is sectioned for the the safety of her other children & above all to get the help her child so desperately requires.

JoyousGreyOrca · 07/02/2025 16:10

Liveandletlive18 · 07/02/2025 16:08

If a child is showing severe mental health issues & has harmed himself or others of course you can call an ambulance to have him admitted to an emergency Psychiatric unit. Why should mental health be treated differently to physical health. I've known of an individual,albeit an adult,being dragged into an ambulance due to a severe mental health breakdown, so sorry I don't agree.

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You are diagnosing this as a mental health breakdown. A teenager being violent is not automatically having mental health problems

WallaceinAnderland · 07/02/2025 16:10

Whatayear2023 · 07/02/2025 13:45

Yes he has been spoken to by police on two occasions. I'm not hiding anything and I'm probably more open than I should be.

Why only two occasions? You need to report him every single time he assaults you or another person. The age of criminal responsibility in England is 10 and he is way over that age.

Liveandletlive18 · 07/02/2025 16:08

JoyousGreyOrca · 07/02/2025 16:01

Please do NOT call an ambulance unless you actually need one. Apart from it being a misuse of services, you will be seen as an issue as you will have to exaggerate your injuries to get an ambulance. Black eyes and bruises do not warrant an ambulance.

If a child is showing severe mental health issues & has harmed himself or others of course you can call an ambulance to have him admitted to an emergency Psychiatric unit. Why should mental health be treated differently to physical health. I've known of an individual,albeit an adult,being dragged into an ambulance due to a severe mental health breakdown, so sorry I don't agree.

Nanny0gg · 07/02/2025 16:07

Lightuptheroom · 07/02/2025 13:33

Ok, so home education can't be forced on you, it's 'elective'
Put in an In Year Admission application and get him back in school, schools cannot 'off roll' pupils, it's illegal.
Should he continue to behave like this in school, then they have to put behaviour management in place.

That's the first step and gives him some structure and means someone is tracking him.

Then, contact 'Early Help' yes it's social workers and the local authority, but its low threshold and designed to give you support. They can suggest local youth groups, assign a worker to your son, give him some input from someone who isn't you.

How do you propose that she actually gets him into school?

JoyousGreyOrca · 07/02/2025 16:01

Please do NOT call an ambulance unless you actually need one. Apart from it being a misuse of services, you will be seen as an issue as you will have to exaggerate your injuries to get an ambulance. Black eyes and bruises do not warrant an ambulance.

MaloryJones · 07/02/2025 16:00

Glorybox2025 · 07/02/2025 14:18

I said you can't just 'put your child in care' because you can't. You can ask for them to be accommodated and work through the process of assessment and engaging with support prior to that decision being made, and it might be the outcome, but lots of people think you can just drop your child off at the office and that's it. You can't.

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Only you CAN !

For many reasons I done just that with two of my DCs.
It was take them, now , or admit me, now, to a psych unit please.

Police came and took them and from there, so I discovered the next day, Social Services placed them into emergency foster care, that night/early hours.
They would not return to Me for 6 months.
Stop telling the OP untruths

Liveandletlive18 · 07/02/2025 15:58

What a horrible situation OP. I can only say what I would do in your situation.

The next time I was assaulted I would call both the police & an ambulance. I would insist he was sectioned under the mental health act & I would tell them them he needs help. So far nobody has done anything to help us & I can't take anymore. If you don't remove him now I will lock the door on him & face the consequences. This would of course be scare tactics but you are in an extremely dangerous situation OP & needs must. Meanwhile I would love & care for him as usual until that day of no going back arrived.

JoyousGreyOrca · 07/02/2025 15:56

Arran2024 · 07/02/2025 15:55

Children aged between 10 and 17 can be arrested and taken to court if they commit a crime. They can def take him in for questioning. After that it's to do with social services.

I'm an adopter and I do know families with very violent children who have had to go down this route.

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Yes he can be arrested and taken to court. I was replying to the person who was suggesting police might take the boy away to let everyone cook down and give them a break.

Arran2024 · 07/02/2025 15:55

JoyousGreyOrca · 07/02/2025 15:48

Police will not remove a 13 year old unless he is using guns or knives

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Children aged between 10 and 17 can be arrested and taken to court if they commit a crime. They can def take him in for questioning. After that it's to do with social services.

I'm an adopter and I do know families with very violent children who have had to go down this route.

PDA · 07/02/2025 15:54

Have you heard of Pathological Demand Avoidance? It’s a profile on the autism spectrum. A lot of what you’ve said sounds like PDA. If so he’s not a bad kid, he’s probably in burnout (basically a mental health crisis) due to unmet needs. Parenting PDA children requires a huge mindset shift because creating a low demand environment is what they need. Please have a look at the PDA Society website and At Peace Parents (Instagram and also a podcast) and see whether you think he fits the profile.

oakleaffy · 07/02/2025 15:54

CowboyJoanna · 07/02/2025 15:16

This is probably not what you want to hear but you might have to phone the police on him for your and your other childrens safety

Some people are just bad apples and it sounds like your son is one

Stay safe and strong

Edited

Some can have serious mental health issues-Monty Roberts used to take troubled teens and with discipline, a purpose and hard work ( Ranch work)some turned into good young people.

Glorybox2025 · 07/02/2025 15:53

Snowy7 · 07/02/2025 15:39

It's foremost a safeguarding issue, and. pressing one. Cahms waiting lists are years long. she needs support for SS. You do not get that via Cahms but MASSH/police callouts. You clearly don't have much personal experience with the system.

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I'm a social worker! She's already been referred to MASH who have said doesn't meet threshold. Every time police are called they will refer to MASH so that might change with more referrals. I'm very aware that there are huge waiting lists for CAMHS but if you don't make a referral at all then you get nothing. I put upthread what OP needs to do, including GP referral to CAMHS, right to choose for ASC/ADHD, local authority SEN education dept and children's social care. ALL avenues need pursuing.

ExpensiveBiscuits · 07/02/2025 15:51

x2boys · 07/02/2025 15:00

It's not that simple though is it ,it's not about what you or I t
Should think should happen
There is a process to be followed.

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Yes but in an emergency where life and limb is endangered, processes take a back seat.
The OP and her other child suffering physically being beaten up, is not a time to wait for due process.

There may be consequences for the Op if she kicks him out-just out if no other agency will pick him up. but one of those consequences will not be death for her or her other child.

Desperate times-desperate measures.

JoyousGreyOrca · 07/02/2025 15:48

Arran2024 · 07/02/2025 15:21

I'm sorry you are going through this.

Your best bet is to call the police next time he kicks off and harms anyone.

If they remove him, you can then refuse to have him home, citing danger to your other children. Social services won't care about you being harmed but they should care about the other children.

Police will not remove a 13 year old unless he is using guns or knives

WorriedFfamily · 07/02/2025 15:44

Porcuporpoise · 07/02/2025 15:39

Unless you are privy to a lot of information that's not on this thread I have no idea how you can be so certain. I can think of several alternate explanations.

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I am privy to a lot of information. This is a well known poster but if you say that your posts get deleted for some reason

Apillthatmakesyousayalltherightstuff · 07/02/2025 15:42

RIPVPROG · 07/02/2025 14:33

There is so much inaccurate information on this thread. OP you need to call social care, if it helps write everything down first, at many incidents and patterns as you can remember, anything involving injuries to you or the other children, threats, damage to property, use of weapons, etc just because MASH assessed as further intervention not required once, it doesn't mean they will again, it could also be that the GP didn't include all of the relevant detail. Tell them you are unable to keep yourself, your other children and this one, safe. Also when he is violent you do need to call the police.

Sorry to hear this, OP. I think RIPVPROG's advice is great, please follow that. Even if you didn't have any other children you can't carry on like this, with your life in the hands of an out-of-control young man. Please take care of yourself and start the process. You can't live his life for him and if he keeps on with these choices he is too dangerous to have at home. 💐

Porcuporpoise · 07/02/2025 15:39

WorriedFfamily · 07/02/2025 15:23

Yeh, this isn't the kid's fault. He's had an absolutely chaotic upbringing. The OP demonstrated school is optional and not important to these kids and here we have the consequences. In time there will be complaints about the younger ones too, it's depressingly predictable

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Unless you are privy to a lot of information that's not on this thread I have no idea how you can be so certain. I can think of several alternate explanations.

MolluscMonday · 07/02/2025 15:39

tippytoesy · 07/02/2025 13:23

This is a really awful situation, and I can empathise.

My advice would be to raise the issue with Children's Social Care. I believe you can put in a referral online. State that you cannot keep him safe (the fact that he hurts you puts him at risk as well). State that you cannot meet his needs. State that his educational needs are not being met. If you have any other children, state that they are in danger of harm.

At your son's age, educational provision should be provided if home schooling is not working. There are other options, apart from home education. These include a PRU or a home tutor from the local authority.

If he has not already got an EHCP, you need to ask for an urgent assessment from the local authority with a view of having one put in place. Your son is not only missing out on education, but he is missing out on peer relationships, social contact and pastoral care.

Contact your GP and tell them the effect your son's behaviour is having on you. Contact the Family Rights Group, they have forums that can help you if you have or are likely to have intervention from social services.

Call the police - if he is assaulting you and/or causing damage in the home, this is a criminal offence. Police involvement could escalate the case.

I really feel for you. Your son is at a really difficult age and both he and you are being badly let down.

This is great advice.

Snowy7 · 07/02/2025 15:39

Glorybox2025 · 07/02/2025 15:09

She needs the GP to refer to CAMHS. Why are you saying not to bother with them!?

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It's foremost a safeguarding issue, and. pressing one. Cahms waiting lists are years long. she needs support for SS. You do not get that via Cahms but MASSH/police callouts. You clearly don't have much personal experience with the system.

Serenitestorm · 07/02/2025 15:33

What has happened today to make you write this?

Horriblevirusagain · 07/02/2025 15:27

Next time you are attacked call the police. Tell them you cannot have him at home anymore because of violence and hopefully they will take him to the social services. You have to shout loud and clear to get help these days. One day he will put you in hospital or worse so you need to get him out now!

veggie50 · 07/02/2025 15:25

Startinganew32 · 07/02/2025 14:01

They do have a duty to accommodate a child in need and if the parent refuses to have the child at their house, the LA has to step in and can be judicially reviewed if they don’t. Section 20 Children Act 1989.

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Oh, OP, I feel so sad to read about this but I believe Startinganew32 is right, anyone under 16 will be accommodated if his parents absolutely refuse to have him. You need to play hard balls if you are to protect yourself and your other children.
Sending you love and strength!

WorriedFfamily · 07/02/2025 15:23

x2boys · 07/02/2025 15:20

He's 13
I'm not disagreeing the Op needs help but to say he's a bad apple at 13 is awful.

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Yeh, this isn't the kid's fault. He's had an absolutely chaotic upbringing. The OP demonstrated school is optional and not important to these kids and here we have the consequences. In time there will be complaints about the younger ones too, it's depressingly predictable

Arran2024 · 07/02/2025 15:21

I'm sorry you are going through this.

Your best bet is to call the police next time he kicks off and harms anyone.

If they remove him, you can then refuse to have him home, citing danger to your other children. Social services won't care about you being harmed but they should care about the other children.