Want my abusive violent son out!!

I’m sorry you are struggling op.

I haven’t RTFT so don’t know if this organisation has been linked already:

https://www.pegsupport.co.uk/

Child to parent abuse is a much more common problem than people think and it’s a growing problem.

I would get a Nanny can, or something like . Set it up to.protect yourself.

KP, kindly, have you asked the police to press charges when your son is violent?

By the way , you know nothing of my situation there. Nothing.

Oh quit with the many !!s

Request another referral to CAMHS. If it is declined, complain. Including complaining to the ICB.

Also request social care assessments again (including a carer’s assessment for you) using the model letters on Contact’s website. If this is refused you can complain then request an independent review. If necessary, you can also go to the LGO. In some cases, JR may be possible.

Request an EHCNA yourself using one of the model letters on IPSEA’s website. DS does not need to be on the roll of a school for this. You do not need 2 terms of APDR either. That is a myth. Unless you have to appeal, which I appreciate many do, the process takes 20 weeks from first request to finalising the EHCP. This timescale is set out in law and whilst LAs think they don’t have to stick to it, parents can force the LA to act.

Alongside this, I would inform the LA you are no longer EHEing and they need to make suitable alternative arrangements to ensure DS receives a suitable full-time education. This does not have to be via a mainstream school and DS does not need to be on the roll of a mainstream school in order for this to happen.

You can self refer to social services and tell them you can no longer cope. They will come and assess and if necessary move him to supported living.

Again there are processes tio be followed you can't just make stuff up in your mind and decide you are right
Back in the real world these things take time that's just the way it is.

Hello @Whatayear2023 can you keep a charged phone on you at all times? Do you have a room you can lock/barricade yourself into with your other dc? A car?

You have been given some very knowledgable advice on this thread. Will you take those steps?

I have seen too many tv programmes about violence and abuse to mum/dad where it just escalates in a hot moment to a death and orphan dc being devastated for life.

You have tried everything you can, it is spiraling out of control, getting worse, now you really need to take the next step and protect yourself for your dc. Please op. Your dc need their mum.

To all those questioning putting this young man back on a school roll.
I am NOT saying that OP will suddenly be able to get him into school. However, in order not to fall off the educational radar (which as OP is electively home educating at the moment is exactly what's happening) he must be back on roll at a school because that's the only way to access alternative provision. If he remains home educated, then the local authority have no liability to provide any type of education, so no access to tutoring, alternative provision, nothing.
The other way, which has been suggested is to apply for an EHCNA (the assessment before its decided whether an EHCP would be awarded) but there is no 'urgent' route for this (currently the wait is around 20 weeks for a local authority to decide to assess and in reality longer than that) and requires 2 terms of evidence from a school. OP can apply herself for this if she wishes to but its not a 'quick' fix.

OP, There may be something in this link that could help you.

Teen violence help and advice for parents | Family Lives

How awful for you Op. I'm sorry his dad dosent support you or any other male relatives.

How do you make a child go to school?

How do you physically make a child go to school?

Does that mean that an extremely immature man-and there are plenty of them and many of them like to be violent- is also a young child?

Who knew that if someone is extremely immature- then that makes them a young child! What an- "unusual"- definition of a young child.

dear @Whatayear2023 This sounds difficult and awful and I really feel for you.
whether he has mental health issues or not this is severe behaviour that can’t go on.
I think posters who talk about parenting etc are missing the point - there are too many stories of young troubled men committing hideous crimes so this needs to be acted on urgently and seriously for your own, your children and actually your son’s benefit - and potentially - god forbid - the wider community in the long term.
I don’t know the exact steps you should follow - but a number of people on here have written them out. I hope you can sift through the solutions for urgent intervention, get police involved. At this younger stage, it’s possibly a time he could be helped.
I wish you so much luck. the charity for adolescence - adult violence sounds like a good place to get solid and reliable information from today.
sending lots of love to you x

He sounds extremely immature therefore at at 13 he is a young child.

Have you tried reading the OP's updates? The answers to your questions are all there.

I love my children but if any of them spoke to me that way or assaulted me the way you described I'd have their bags packed and they'd be dropped off at social services

Is 13 a young child? In three years, he will be able to marry, drive in 4 years and maybe even vote in three years if the government lowers the voting age.

Surely a young child is a child under 10.

You’re experiencing CAPVA - Child Adolescence to Parent Violence and Abuse. I would suggest you firstly contact help agencies that specialise in this. All domestic abuse helplines for women will also help and support you (CAPVA is domestic abuse)

Your son is clearly dangerous and is abusing you physically, and mentally. If you have other children living with you, they are also at risk of harm and you should make this clear when you’re talking with agencies. He is in need of mental health support. From what you have said, he is a risk to you, himself and others.

His refusal to engage and get support is dangerous for both of you and I’d suggest you are both in crisis. He needs an urgent referral to Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHS).

I would contact 111 (Select Option 2 for mental health and Option 2 again for CAHMS) - you can also call the police but make it very clear that you need him to be removed for both your safety. I would make it clear that you’re unable now to take care of him, and they should take him into police protection, and they will make the referral to social services. Social services can then make those additional referrals into CAHMS/SEN assessments. If he continues to refuse, I’d suggest they’d likely be looking to section him.

@MaloryJones By the way, you can not get admitted to a psych unit because you request it. You can get assessed.

@Whatayear2023 You sound exhausted by this and you shouldn’t have to put up with it. I was specifically trained to deal with” challenging behaviour” including many restraint courses but I wouldn’t like to tackle your son alone, from what you’ve described.
@Startinganew32 has put the correct part of the Children Act. Contact SS and state he needs to go into care for your safety , his and your other children.
If they suggest other parenting courses just state you have done that. You’ve done everything.
If he’s willing to use a knife he could kill you —- from what you’ve written the doesn’t seem to have a filter and acts impulsively.
If SS won’t listen contact your MP, local councillors or even a solicitor if that’s possible. A mother shouldn’t have to fight for her safety.

Just because it happened to some people doesn't make it something that anyone can just do! That's my point!!

Op has told everyone about what is happening. No one else including the GP has suggested mental health problems

I don't understand why he's not in school. He's clearly missing out on an education and social life. That can't help. He may well have issues, but I have to say that it does sound like your parenting style could be a contributory factor. Have you tried any parenting courses? Do he have any siblings? Where's his Dad? Do you also work? Is your mental health ok? Perhaps if he sees you sat at home all day and not going to work, he thinks that he can do the same. 12 is pretty young for a child to refuse to go to school, so something is definitely amiss.