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Original poster

Wanting opinions on night feeds with husband

36 replies

Banaz · 07/02/2025 10:46

This may be a long one but I’m really wanting opinions from others as I’m becoming frustrated.
My husband (together 19 years) has not done a single night feed since baby’s been born (she’s 3 month) she’s not been the best sleeper even during the day (she’s has short naps)
he works full time and has 2 days off through the week. He leaves the house at 2pm and gets back around 12.30am.
It takes me ages to get baby to sleep and she will usually sleep around 11.30pm-12am. she’s then up at 3-4am then takes ages to settle back down. I’m up then at 6.30am.
Now to add we have 3 other children whose school is quite far. I don’t drive so husband takes them of a morning.
our routine is I get the older kids up fed dressed and ready for school. Wake husband to drive them to school. He then comes back has something to eat then goes back to bed.
Now I do understand as he’s working but even on his days off he comes back and goes to bed and even has an evening nap. I can’t nap in the day to catch up as baby will only have short bursts of sleep of around 20 mins of a time.
on the weekends when the children are not in school or school holidays, he will stay in bed until 11am-12pm while I’ve been up with baby plus the older children.
He will from time to time help with feeding the baby but 90% is on me.
To add he doesn’t do anything around the house either. May wash a few dishes once or twice a week.
Anyway do you think I’m being unreasonable for wanting a bit more help?
apologies for my long post. I hope it makes sense.
If you got this far, thank you for reading

OP posts:
SErunner · 07/02/2025 12:37

I think he's pulling his weight on the childcare front if he does all the school runs whilst also working full time, assuming he is actively involved at weekends once up, but I'd give him a kick up the backside in relation to household tasks. He needs to share those too. I did all the nights when I was on maternity leave as frankly it seemed odd to expect my partner to when he had to get up and go to work and I didn't, but appreciate plenty of people on here disagree with that.

Springflowersmakeforbetterhours · 07/02/2025 12:35

Send the baby on the school runs. You go back to bed.. Dh used to get up at 5/6 with ds and I slept til 7/8.. Would the school run give you an hour op?

THisbackwithavengeance · 07/02/2025 12:32

I think he's doing his fair share OP.
Sorry.

He can't do night feeds if he doesn't get in from work till midnight and then gets up for school runs.

What made you have another baby if you find these early days so difficult.

Gamerlady · 07/02/2025 12:18

He should be the one waking the kids up, making breakfast if he's taking the kids school. So you get extra sleep. On his days off he needs to do more so you can rest

sunshinerainbowcloud · 07/02/2025 12:06

sunshinerainbowcloud · 07/02/2025 12:05

I personally disagree with you here.

Full time is exhausting, but there are plenty (millions) of parents working full time AND cleaning / parenting their children.

Would you say the same if a mum questioned if working 5 day weeks and doing the drop off’s was her fair share? I bet you’d say different.

I am going to assume OP is a SAHM. So I would say 80% of the childcare and housework should be on OP. However I feel like DH needs to help out more and take on 20% rather than the 1% that he’s doing right now.

If DH has 2 days off in the week then personally I feel like childcare and cleaning should be 50-50 on these days. DH can have a nap one day, OP should have a nap the next.

OP should arrange to see friends one of the evenings DH isn’t working, get out the house and have some me time. No reason DH cannot do that on the next day.

I’m sorry but the hours aren’t 9-5 but many parents work full time and manage to look after their kids, DH is taking the mick if you want my opinion. Sounds like a right lazy so and so on the days he is off. Can’t believe he lets OP do ALL the childcare and housework even on his days off. What a lazy dad.

Show quote history

I know mums who work evening shifts who then parent their kids and clean their homes during the day. Your DH is being selfish and lazy.

sunshinerainbowcloud · 07/02/2025 12:05

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 07/02/2025 10:49

Working full time is exhausting. Especially when you’re keeping odd hours.

He’s doing the school runs along with working full time. I think he’s doing his fair share.

I personally disagree with you here.

Full time is exhausting, but there are plenty (millions) of parents working full time AND cleaning / parenting their children.

Would you say the same if a mum questioned if working 5 day weeks and doing the drop off’s was her fair share? I bet you’d say different.

I am going to assume OP is a SAHM. So I would say 80% of the childcare and housework should be on OP. However I feel like DH needs to help out more and take on 20% rather than the 1% that he’s doing right now.

If DH has 2 days off in the week then personally I feel like childcare and cleaning should be 50-50 on these days. DH can have a nap one day, OP should have a nap the next.

OP should arrange to see friends one of the evenings DH isn’t working, get out the house and have some me time. No reason DH cannot do that on the next day.

I’m sorry but the hours aren’t 9-5 but many parents work full time and manage to look after their kids, DH is taking the mick if you want my opinion. Sounds like a right lazy so and so on the days he is off. Can’t believe he lets OP do ALL the childcare and housework even on his days off. What a lazy dad.

Vaxtable · 07/02/2025 11:58

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 07/02/2025 10:49

Working full time is exhausting. Especially when you’re keeping odd hours.

He’s doing the school runs along with working full time. I think he’s doing his fair share.

Oh get over with you

So is looking after 4 children 24/7, doing all household chores, cooking etc etc etc

Op YANBU. He needs to step up. List what you do, vs his work x number of hours, take kids to school and list how many hours sleep he gets versus you

Does he have time off at the weekend? I would leave all 4 kids with him for a day can you go to family or friends for a good long sleep?

Comedycook · 07/02/2025 11:53

I was going to say yanbu until I read he does the school run after getting home past midnight.

You are probably both exhausted but to be really frank you have four kids so you're bound to be.

JimHalpertsWife · 07/02/2025 11:52

And he has been like this with all the kids? Why keep having more with him?

Endofyear · 07/02/2025 11:50

Are you a SAHM? When I was at home with the children, I did the vast majority of housework but DH would feed baby or do bathtime and bedtime with the children, he was happy to do it as he hadn't seen them all day and wanted to spend time with them. It's a bit more tricky if your DH does shift work though, that's more tiring and messes with your sleep patterns. I did all night feeds as I was breastfeeding but if DH was woken he'd make me a cup of tea and change the nappy if needed. He didn't always wake though and I wouldn't wake him. Work on getting your little one to have a couple of good naps in the day so you can rest. I would take him/her for a good walk in the pram and hopefully they'll drop off and you can leave them to sleep in there while you have a lie down on the sofa.

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 07/02/2025 10:49

Working full time is exhausting. Especially when you’re keeping odd hours.

He’s doing the school runs along with working full time. I think he’s doing his fair share.