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Original poster

To be terrified dd might have Adhd?

56 replies

AttentionDeficitAndSquirrel · 07/02/2025 09:46

Dd is 8 years old and in year 4. She's born end of August so maybe age plays a factor here as well.

She's showing more and more signs of adhd:

-Never sits still (unless she's reading or watching videos). She is always moving on the spot or dancing around. Even a friend of hers recently asked her why she was moving so muxh while telling a story.

  • very easy to distract. If there is anything in her environment to distract her then she will get distracted by her own thoughts. She is so day dreamy. As a consequence she is incredibly slow. Getting ready for anything or doing anything takes much longer than it should because she starts day dreaming after or during every step or gets distracted. I have to keep pushing and reminding her to do the next step.
  • she used to do very well at school but now that a bit of homework and working at home is expected she js starting to lag behind. The teachers have started sending work home that she hasnt finished in school. But rhen because she is so slow she has very little time left at home to do even more work. Right from year 1 every teacher has commented on her slow pace of working though they haven't raised any other concerns. However she goes to private school (as struggled to cope with the large number of kids in her first state school). I don't think this much would be expected of her at a state school.
  • she has always struggled with sleep. it takes her very long to fall asleep no matter how tired she is it takes between 30min to 1.5h. She is so difficult to wake in the morning so she definitely needs more sleep.
  • she struggles with eating and very poor weight gain. Dh and me think she might have arfid. It's getting better though and maybe not related to adhd but i wanted to throw it out there anyway.
  • she loves reading and if she had more time she'd just spend it reading. She reads the same books over and over again. She will read new books if they are the type she likes but if she doesn't have a new book she will read an old book for the 10th time or so rather than doing something else. It's very difficult to get her to stop reading or just to get her attention.
  • she talks nonstop (unless she is reading or watching something)
  • she isnt as skilled socially as her peers. She isn't exactly shy and she has a few friends but sometimes I feel she struggles when it comes to joining a group or making friends. She also won't compromise on what she wants to do, e.g. won't join a game if she thinks it's boring and she would always rather read than make the effort.
  • she has a very, very vivid imagination, which sometimes scares her.
  • I am diagnosed with adhd and there is a very large genetic factor when it comes to adhd. I was diagnosed as an adult though and sometimes I doubt my diagnosis.

I keep thinking that maybe her 'symptoms' can be explained away by her being sleep deprived, the youngest in the class or just because I'm so chaotic and disorganised and if I could get my shit together and provide a well organised environment she wouldn't struggle with many of these. I don't know.

I know adhd or not I need to be more organised myself and provide a more adhd friendly environment but I'm absolutely shit scared that it won't be enough. The only thing that has helped me with some of my symptoms is medication but I know from personal experience how hard it is to find the right medication and the right dose. I went through hell every time i restarted my medication. I hate the meds. I hate how I feel on them. They don't help with everything and they don't last long enough. But if you have adhd then there isn't a better alternative. I just don't want this for her. I don't want her to struggle how i have struggled and still am every day. I just don't want this for her. At the same time I know I can't bury my head in the sand and just let her struggle. It's not a massive problem at the moment but if she doesn't grow out of this stuff it will soon be. I'm also worried that if she does get diagnosed people (including her) will blame me for giving it to her ajd I know it will be an uphill battle for dh to accept if she needs medication.

This is getting too long and I'm just ranting. I guess my main question is does this sound like adhd? Did anyone have kids who were similar at this age and did they get diagnosed with adhd or did they grow out of it? What helped to deal with the symptoms besides medication? At what age did you start meds and how did your kids cope with the side effect?

Yanbu: yes, this sounds like adhd and you should the ball rolling asap to get her some help.

Yabu: no it doesn't sound like adhd or its better to wait and see while fiddling around with the environment to make things easier for her.

Thank you.

OP posts:
ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 07/02/2025 10:08

You are unreasonable to be “terrified” that she has ADHD. She has been born in a time where things like this are actually properly recognised, and she has a mum who appears to be rather knowledgeable on the subject and obviously wants to do the best for her. If she does have adhd her experience will be very different to your own. It sounds like it could be. Start pushing to get her assessed now. You can expect to be on a waiting list for at least three years so no time like the present to get started.

Allmarbleslost · 07/02/2025 10:06

Terrified is a bit of an overreaction OP. Ask for a referral, or pay for a private one if you can afford it and don't want to wait years for an assessment. My teenage dds are both neurodivergent and whilst life is different in our house it's really not something to be terrified about.

Original poster
AttentionDeficitAndSquirrel · 07/02/2025 10:05

I'm not against medication. I take them myself and wouldn't be able to hold down a job without them. Also based on all the research I did when I was diagnosed there is no better alternative treatment available.

However, stimulants aren't like e.g. anti biotics or insulin where you take them and in most cases they just quietly do their job. It's quite hard to find the right one, to get the dosing right and the side effects are quite brutal. Of course maybe they aren't for everyone but for me everytime I restarted them I went through six months of terrible anxiety, mood swings and just feeling horrible. Even now I still feel very flat and just unpleasant when they wear off. Also, even the extended release ones don't provide enough coverage to last for most of the day and they don't help with everything. They don't help with procrastination, which is one of the biggest problems with adhd I think. They help you focus but they don't help with focusing on the right thing.

Also specific to dd she already is severely underweight and hates eating. It's a daily struggle getting enough food into her. Most stimulants kill your appetite. I'm not sure we can risk that.

OP posts:
Araminta1003 · 07/02/2025 10:03

I would also get her assessed. ADHD in girls in teens can lead to all sorts of issues and it can be medicated, if need be. Some of the most creative and talented people in the world have ADHD, especially in the Arts. Your DD sounds very creative and imaginative and wonderful to me! But yes, I would seek a referral and diagnosis for self awareness and coping strategies around organisation/overwhelm. Sometimes people with ADHD are more likely to become addicted to things as well. It is good to get a diagnosis to know and manage. However, I personally really do not see ADHD as an inherently bad thing at all, try and get away from that.

Sonolanona · 07/02/2025 09:56

It does sound like it to me... sounds just like my DD1 who was very bright but has ADHD.
It doesn't sound like your meds are right for you though...if yours were working for you, you wouldn't feel so scared of her possibly needing them, and you might feel more positive.
My dd1 has been on them since she was 7..she's just turned 33! Without her meds she's a chaotic , anxious mess: on them she's fantastic although she also relies heavily on lists, alarms and routine.
She's a doctor herself now (a GP!) and she would never have achieved her potential without meds, and she has had to try several to get the right combination that works.
If I were you I would at least try to have her assessed, as this may take ages, that way if she does have ADHD there is time to get support before secondary school... if not, well you haven't lost anything by trying.
If she had a different condition that could be treated you'd medicate. ADHD is no different !
My DD had no side affects really... she is thin, was always thin and always will be but she has ARFID as well since she was a toddler. Other than that, no issues!

Catza · 07/02/2025 09:54

I would be inclined to ask for a referral. I understand your concern but I also think that using emotive language like that with yourself is probably unhelpful and, dare I say, your ADHD talking. There are plenty of people out there with ADHD and ASD (myself included) who live perfectly good lives with very minor adjustments. I still read the same books over and over. So what? I immensely enjoy them. Is it really such a bad thing?
Diagnosis in childhood probably leads to better outcomes overall because there is a lot more support available at that age. Not only medication but also occupational and psychological therapy. She will likely need some coping strategies and adaptations but that's OK. As an adult, you may not have had the same input and had to figure it out yourself which is what makes your experience more difficult. But it doesn't mean hers has to be.

ETA: My grandfather and my mother have ASD. Never in my life has it occurred to me to blame them for giving it to me!