To be terrified dd might have Adhd?

ADHD is observable on brain scans.

I think the things you decried as part of the assessment are often used as part of a gold standard assessment of ADHd rather than to determine whether medication is going to be used, it’s very much dependant on the individual child and what is likely to be helpful for them. We all have to follow the same guidelines. In a huge proportion of children I see below 10, medication is just not necessary and there are environmental adaptations that school and home can make that would support the child. In secondary school, if the child/ family feels they really need it we would then consider the likely risks vs benefits to them. It’s really as simple as that, there are no recommendations around guessing or ‘assessing’ the potential of a child and offering medication based on that, it sounds quite unethical to do that to me.

You're describing my dd perfectly, all the same behaviours, underweight (because she won't sit still to eat). She was diagnosed in year 4..no medication yet, we have to do a lot of me calming down eating chocolate spread off a spoon in a cupboard because I've asked 25 times for her to do something but generally it's fine. The diagnosis means we have an explanation and we can find workarounds for some things, be more prepared for days out etc.

@NDdr At the moment my clinic are not offering medication as an option unless in quite substantial cases of distress

Do you consider this to now be a modern standard of care, or see it as also traditional? There is no right or wrong, just interested as very different to the approach used to my child back in the day (was with a well respected global KOL, a developmental paed who specialised in ADHD, which is why I’m interested in changes, esp given my kids will likely have ND kids).

They assessed each child for need but also potential via a slew of educational and iq tests, psychological testing, endless parent and school questionnaires that had to be completed prior etc. It was a 2 day process. They then weighed up the benefit of meds taking both level of distress to child and potential of child. So a significant delta in potential that could be significantly narrowed with meds factored in to decision making.

In our case I find it interesting as not only is my (now adult) child an absolute horrific train wreck off meds but there is zero way they would have been able to achieve anything they have had they not have been put on meds. They are extremely bright, were able to complete a competitive and challenging degree and have a great professional position. Without meds they literally can’t put their socks on (one will end up in the bathroom, the other god knows where after getting them out of the drawer to put them on, and if you get them to write something on paper, it will be disjointed with bits somehow on the back side of the paper, stuff like that). If my child hadn’t been medicated, while they may have been ‘okay’, they would likely never have finished school and would be probably be unemployed which is a huge difference. I do know of another child that went to they same person, no meds as while they were told child had ADHD, it was determined that with even meds the child was unlikely to do that well at school or professionally, said even with meds probably end up a gardener or something, they were not distressed so was deemed not really necessary. Seems a very different approach so interested to know if it’s a morph over time, which may be relevant info re future grandchildren.

Yes, I read that almost 50 per cent of families with at least one child with ADHD have a parent with ADHD too. So very common and very important to learn how to parent it well by putting your own oxygen mask on first and not triggering each other.

For our DD with ADHD it doesn’t present as challenges at school much, it’s all directed into negative self talk, perfectionism, people pleasing and the rejection sensitivity dysphoria. Even as a 6 year old she would continuously worry about the smallest of social situations and it would keep her up at night feeling anxious. DS has female friends like this too and some of them are super talented musicians.
So I agree it can present very differently. And often there is another comorbidity too like dyslexia or ASC. We don’t have that so routines and self help and awareness and diet have helped massively in our case.

Hi OP,

As others have already said it sounds like an assessment might be helpful. I lead an nhs AdHd clinic for children and also complete ASD assessments. From what you’ve described I would actually be considering Autism as the primary question, and then thinking about ADHD too, although all of what you’ve said fits under an ASD profile (and some parts can also cross across both ASD and ADHD). Like you said, with a family history there is a strong genetic link but it’s not diagnosis specific, so your daughter may well have neurodiversity of some description.

You need to see a paediatrician if you think your daughter has arfid, it can be very serious. Usually young people with Arfid have up to about 8 safe foods and then are unable to eat anything else at all, or any changes to presentation would potentially exclude that food from the safe list forever. Some young people end up needing support with tube feeding at points. If your child fits with this you need to see someone. Most young people with ASD are very specific about food presentation and have a restrictive diet, with restricted numbers of food but not quite as restrictive to meet the arfid criteria, but generally we would still advise seeing a dietitian.

It looks like you’re thinking s lot about medication as treatment, and whilst this is an option we probably wouldn’t recommend this as a first line treatment, especially given her age. Usually we like to see some work with a psychologist to make all of the environmental changes needed before even beginning to think about medication, and even then it requires very close monitoring. And by the above we would be thinking a god year post diagnosis for all necessary changes in school and home to be made first. At the moment my clinic are not offering medication as an option unless in quite substantial cases of distress.

In the first instance I would suggest speaking with school about a referral. Or your GP if school are not helpful. If you think the wait is too long you could always consider private but make sure you are seeing a reputable company.

I would not be terrified about it. You are picking it up whilst she is young and has the opportunity to be guided by you with coping mechanisms and the choice of medication. As ADHD is hereditery and you have a diagnosis, it is quite likely she has it too. Start the diagnosis process as soon as you can.

Every child is different but my DS1 is so different at 13 to how he was at 10, 8, 6 and younger. I never would have believed it was possible but he has matured so much and become really responsible. I still need to chivvy him along in the morning, but he talks about how distracted he gets from screens etc. So voluntarily puts his chromebook (needed for school) in a different room when he does his homework! When he needs the chromebook for his homework, it takes him so much longer and recently he's started asking me to come in every 20-30 minutes or so to help keep him on track. Yes its annoying for me but miles better than when he was 8 and screaming at me for hours every evening because of homework and trying to jump out of the window ....

“Could you say a bit more about this? My daughter has ADHD and is currently struggling to keep on weight, she's extremely picky about food and I really struggle to find things she will eat. She's always been a bit of a picky eater but there was always something she would eat, but at 12 she is going through a growth spurt I think, and is struggling to eat enough. I'd be grateful for any ideas.”

The NHS has ARFID clinics in my area who offer advice. It may have moved on since we have been and ours was not a difficult case. We think it was triggered by GERD (reflux as a baby). The advice was primarily to be child led, let them have a list of safe foods, that can change and offer from that list at all times with no judgment, but eat meals together and in our case, we really had to try hard to incorporate protein with every single meal. Thankfully our DC did not reject eggs in some forms, for example. We had deficiencies confirmed by blood tests in iron and Vitamin D which can really exacerbate the ADHD symptoms.
What helped for us is watching food programmes (Jaimie Oliver also has ADHD) and cooking and baking with them, with no judgment on whether food is then eaten. Oh and food online shopping also helped in our case, food growing, making bread, picking berries, essentially rewiring their brain into positive associations with food but with zero pressure.
Safe foods can change very quickly and again, no judgment. Luckily we also had a family member who specialises in nutrition and that helped us regulate especially around period times.

I’m going to go against the grain here and say I totally understand you being terrified.

my ds got diagnosed with adhd at 6. He’s been on meds ever since (he’s nearly 8) and I’m very worried for his future.

how the hell is he ever going to be a fully functioning adult when he needs telling 100 times to do each task? He loses and is careless with his stuff. I worry he won’t be able to hold down a job if he’s not going to be able to get his act together.

he needs someone sat with him at school for 90% of the time otherwise he switches off (unless it’s a subject that interests him).

by the time we get to school, I’ve simply had enough for the day. He’s good once the meds have kicked in (they take at least an hour) and he’s calm etc but quite frankly he’s a PITA when they have worn off.

homework? Forget it! The meds have worn off by then and it’s a nightmare to get him to do even 10 mins of his reading book.

Paediatrician won’t give him the 12 hour lasting ones (he’s on 8 hour ones) as his appetite isn’t great.

we have lists, timers etc and he needs telling a million times to check and do his list etc.

im exhausted with him and adhd is bloody well draining so it’s very reasonable to be terrified for the future.

*more time

Strong advice for anyone noticing primary age ND traits- look into it asap before secondary.

Please be reassured OP it will be OK whatever the diagnosis. Much easier to know what her needs are than worrying and guessing. You are being very on the ball to be picking this up now while she’s young. That will really help her because you have more to work out what she needs and can hopefully get her into a secondary school environment that works for her. Wishing you both the best.

There's always such a rush to medicalise and diagnose children for conditions are far as I can see are made up labels for some traits. She'll be fine without needing a label.

However you may feel about it, the referral process on the NHS of you choose to go down that route will be either accepted or rejected based on level of need in an educational setting. In other words the school would have to be the ones to get that ball rolling. If she has to be accommodated more than other children in general at school because of her needs then there might be a chance for the referral to be accepted and to have an assessment. You can speak to school and even if you don’t get to the referral stage as they might not seem her needs high enough for that, they can still offer support plans and reasonable adjustments if your daughter should need them.

If you choose to go down the private route then that’s a different pathway.

ADHD is a difficult one to refer and diagnose in general because of the obvious issue with many traits being common in childhood. Fussy or restricted eating is also not exclusive to those who are ND. My child is ND and a great eater for example. There has to be enough atypical traits to meet the criteria for a diagnosis and it’s just notoriously difficult with ADHD unless the child is clearly having by to be have a different or specialist approach in a school setting.

OP, I know it's really hard and it could feel like life has dealt your DD a 'bad hand' because you've struggled with your ADHD, but as an ADHD mother with two ADHD kids, I think it's a blessing in many ways. I understand most of their issues in a way a NT parent wouldn't necessarily be able to do, because I remember those exact feelings at 6, 10, 15, so have been able to teach them tools and methods of coping that I was never shown. You'll have valuable empathy for her struggles and feelings.

My older ADHD child is so much calmer in their teens than we expected, because they use the methods and tools (weighted blankets, cardio, breathing exercises, pomodoro technique for tidying etc) and I can see my younger one beginning to pick them up too. Sometimes ADHD is a pain in the backside, but sometimes it's about seeing its value too - there are plenty of theories of it surviving through evolution because it has a useful side.

Try not to worry! Save the worry for when you need it, or you're just doing it twice. In the meantime, get therapy if you can for how you feel about yourself, and look into reading up on parenting ADHD children. There's so much more research and understanding now, which means many ADHD children/teens don't always need meds in the way adults who never got support or hacks really do.

And some won't have done, these threads always go the same way everybody being offended and not trying to empathise that diagnosis, s such as ADHD affect everyone differently.

And it impacts everyone differently it might not be something thst terrifies you based on how it impacts your daughters but it's still a disability and yoy cannot speak for everyone or how they should feel.

She might have ADHD. But a child being the youngest in their class makes them much much more likely to be diagnosed with ADHD. She may simply be young.

Same 😂

Could you say a bit more about this? My daughter has ADHD and is currently struggling to keep on weight, she's extremely picky about food and I really struggle to find things she will eat. She's always been a bit of a picky eater but there was always something she would eat, but at 12 she is going through a growth spurt I think, and is struggling to eat enough. I'd be grateful for any ideas.

I have ADHD myself and intense emotions can be part of it when we hyper focus on something. OP’s terror is likely a byproduct of her hyper focusing and worrying about her DD- she can’t help it.

OP, you know there is non-stimulant prescription medication available for ADHD, right?!
Medication is not the go to for everyone.
Yes, if you suspect your child has ADHD, then of course it would be sensible to put her forward for assessment.
I think being terrified is a tad melodramatic.

I'm an end of August 'baby'. 28th.

I'm 53. I have ADHD.

I could take offence at your post, but I won't, because you're panicking.

What are you worried about?

No insights regarding ADHD but falling asleep in general - one daughter enjoyed listening to audio books (cassette tapes in her day!) and fell asleep to those. These were often the same ones over and over again because we only had so many tapes. Perhaps a story you know is 'comforting' but not over-stimulating which might be a good thing. (We thought this was a nice way to settle down to sleep - second daughter wasn't interested!). Might be worth a try?