For stopping a man taking his daughter in swimming pool changing room?

I think you were right. The best thing for the child was to take her back to the hotel room. There are similar problems at the pool I attend, even though there is a family changing room as well as one for men and one for women.

Lack of commonsense on his part: he had viable options, just didn't want to use them. Just sounds like your average dickhead dad.

I haven’t read the whole thing but wanted to highlight that swimming pools really need a solution for this! My DD would have to go swimming with her dad in the days I just couldn’t get out of work and he never went into the female changing rooms, but the staff wouldn’t let my daughter out without an adult waiting for her outside of the female changing rooms - it was a very bizzare rule and meant that whilst he was willing to wait for her outside the female changing rooms whilst she got ready (mind you she was about 7/8 at the time, she was taught how to quickly get ready, and then we would do everything else at home) - they made a huge deal about the fact that he couldn’t pick her up by entering the female changing room. Which is frustrating when families rely on both parents doing childcare - ironically young boys can be in women’s changing rooms.

Didn’t make sense at all! But there needs to be a third space where you have changing rooms or cubicals purely used for changing on random occasions when a dad can help out - and when a dad is actually doing his part of the childcare.

The fact that the child was at adult swim is irrelevant. I’m assuming family changing rooms don’t magically appear just for the kids swim sessions so the issue would remain even if he’d got the right time.

As for ‘close your eyes and hold my hand’ - wholly inadequate imo.

The child was at adult swim.

Her father safeguards her from seeing naked men by saying "close your eyes and hold my hand" and leading her to the cubicle in the gents.

If you take your child home in their swimsuit, how/where are you yourself getting changed? Or would you also be driving home in a wet swimsuit?

I’m not saying I think the man should have gone into the women’s changing rooms at all, but I sympathise with his difficulty. Very poor planning on the hotel’s part.

Completely disagree. I’d argue that it’s even more important to safeguard a 5 year old girl from the nudity of strange men, given that she is so much more vulnerable and less able to advocate for herself.

The hotel is remiss to be offering children’s swimming sessions without providing appropriate, family changing facilities.

Nonsense.

The only options aren’t either man stands in the middle of room where women are changing or little girl stands in the middle of the room where men are changing.

This is exactly the sort of situation where you take your child home still in their swimmers. It’s even more convenient when you’re actually staying in the same building,

The bar is so fucking low for fathers that entitled behaviour like this despite plenty of alternatives is seen as great.

Clearly he was acting entitled, to swim in that time slot. If he had been less disruptive, other patrons could have turned a blind eye to the youngster.

However, there has to be a place where the father and daughter can shower and change at the hotel pool.

Fathers usually feel most comfortable taking their small children into the Men's and most mothers would take their young children into the female change room.

In this instance the man should have used the disabled facility if it was clear to see that no one else was in there. Many pools have a disabled/baby/family sign. The staff member should have suggested that.

Taking children back to their room is not always practical. What if they needed to go to the toilet mid swim?
What if Mum is sleeping?

Your friend is wrong. This man was entitled at best. I'm glad you spoke up. People like him ruin things letting their child run rampant and the changing room thing was really weird.

Safety isn't just physical. If you honestly think that this generation's 11yo boys don't have sexual awareness, and that 11yo girls don't feel safe to get changed in front of them, you are completely bonkers and there's no point arguing. Not to mention, the boys themselves would be equally mortified being put in that position.

How do you know that the women in the women’s changing room would feel comfortable having a man in the same room they were getting undressed in?

So mam behaves like an entitled misogynist prick but the fault is with the woman.....🤯

I'm struggling to fathom how anyone thinks YABU. My husband has taken our daughter to get changed in the men's for years when he takes them swimming. When she's 8 she will go into the ladies instead and get changed by herself. Same true in reverse for our boys. It's not hard.

He was a hotel guest. He could take her to their room.

You definitely were in the right.
Disappointed at those recommending to use the accessible space. As someone now requiring a wheelchair for the remainder of my life I’ve discovered how difficult it is to be disabled. “I’ll be quick” doesn’t make it right, it really doesn’t. Please think before you use an accessible space- life’s hard enough.

Dear, it's not your fault. You were completely right. That man is a creep, and I think you need to stay away from your friends.

In the same way you wouldn't get embarrassed about what an ant or a slug thought about what you were doing, because they aren't on your level.

@latetothefisting you've just blown my mind a bit with that sentence!

So his argument was that he couldn't change her in the men's changing room because she was a girl but it was perfectly all right that he marches in on a whole lot of other women changing. How does that work? What an entitled idiot. You did the right thing.

because arrogant people don't see other people (and sexist twats don't see women) as real people, whose thoughts and feelings and lives are as valid as their own. Other people are basically extras in a tv show, or NPC's in a video game to them - they add a bit of background colour and can occasionally be vaguely useful, but don't actually matter. In the same way you wouldn't get embarrassed about what an ant or a slug thought about what you were doing, because they aren't on your level.

They don't care about what other people think of them because they don't care about other people. It's all about them.

I am a bit confused, where were the girl's clothes?

Safeguarding is everyone's responsibility, so OP is within her rights to intervene. HTH.

This idiot guy did not think the rules applied to him, and did not think ahead, but perhaps he will do so now. A friend's son is going through a divorce and he has joint custody with his ex of their four year old daughter. My friend is so worried about how he's going to cope in situations like this. My advice was to call ahead, check policies, family areas etc It is tough for any solo parent, but a daddy and a little daughter have added difficulties.

I agree with your friend. I think bc the father was a PITA you indirectly took it out on the little girl. You weren't in the changing room, if people in the changing room were uncomfortable they should/would have spoken for themselves. You were still in the pool , and instead of getting on with your lenghths, you were still interested in what this father and daughter were doing and were given an opportunity to stick your beak in and you did. You don't work there and as you were not in the changing room you weren't affected. If you thought what the dad was about to do was wrong, you should have alerted a member of staff. I feel it's passive aggressive on your part bc he got in your way earlier.

interesting way of saying
'Oh yeah, I was wrong, that's not a good solution in these circumstances.'

why should men just follow the rules when women can buy themselves special towels to hide under, or give up access to the disabled facilities or "be discrete" and "keep to themselves", or....

in fact forget the 'chowels' let's just all buy red cloaks and white bonnets and give the patriarchy that extra little boost