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Original poster

Part timer wants more free time

35 replies

charco · 06/02/2025 20:30

Getting so sick of him really it getting a joke now. Come to pick up my son and tells me he wont be able to have the kids on his Thursday he has something else planned and ecspecs me to have them funny how he wont do my weekend for me when I ask but ecspecs me to do his evening ? Saying how I owe him a day because I said I would give him an evening off when he had them for me so I could take my new daughter to hospital a she hit her head he never had them the next day which was his day because he had to take the morning off to get them to school and work late so he never picked them up which means I have give him the owed time. He saying that don’t count as he would have them like normal but my fault he had to work late that’s why he didnt have them so I still owe him just think it’s stupid and always on his terms I told him he doesn’t come get them he can stop having them during the week at all I will take him to csa as well

OP posts:
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drowninginsick · 07/02/2025 11:21

@mrsm43s that's how I read it, more or less 50/50 so surely both part timers? (Not that I ever would normally apply that to parents)

mrsm43s · 07/02/2025 09:37

charco · 07/02/2025 09:23

I have them everyday I only get the time I’m give and he wants to take even more of that I didn’t ask to have kids and do it all on my own

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"one week monday wednesday and the whole weekend to the next week just wednesday and thursday."

So in a fortnight he has them Monday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Wednesday and Thursday. So 7 days out of 14, no? And you have them 7 days out of 14. That's not really you having them every day!

What a shame you don't like spending time with your children. I feel for them, I really do.

Original poster
charco · 07/02/2025 09:23

mrsm43s · 07/02/2025 08:12

My reading of it, which may well be wrong as it's not clearly written, is that on one of your days he had your children for you, and then overnight. The following day which was his he had to go to work late as he had to take them to schools, so you did the evening. To my mind the morning and evening of the second day balance out, so you do still indeed owe him one for the proceeding day he had the children for you. If this is right, then I think he might have a point about you never being prepared to return the favour. Flexibility should work both ways, not just to cover your issues.

However, to a point this is really irrelevant. What jumps out to me is how sad it is that you and he don't want to spend time with your poor children and how badly you seem to communicate with each other. If you are able to, why do you not WANT to have your children for an extra day? It's a privilege, not a chore.

I have them everyday I only get the time I’m give and he wants to take even more of that I didn’t ask to have kids and do it all on my own

OP posts:
drowninginsick · 07/02/2025 08:28

@Codlingmoths in my current job I'm lucky enough to have flexi time but in my old job my shift started at 7 with no option to flex or start late and finish late. To cover a school run I would have needed a half days leave

mrsm43s · 07/02/2025 08:12

My reading of it, which may well be wrong as it's not clearly written, is that on one of your days he had your children for you, and then overnight. The following day which was his he had to go to work late as he had to take them to schools, so you did the evening. To my mind the morning and evening of the second day balance out, so you do still indeed owe him one for the proceeding day he had the children for you. If this is right, then I think he might have a point about you never being prepared to return the favour. Flexibility should work both ways, not just to cover your issues.

However, to a point this is really irrelevant. What jumps out to me is how sad it is that you and he don't want to spend time with your poor children and how badly you seem to communicate with each other. If you are able to, why do you not WANT to have your children for an extra day? It's a privilege, not a chore.

Pasithean · 07/02/2025 08:11

Read it all now. The most unwanted kids in existence.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 07/02/2025 08:06

Is it such a massive chore to 'have' your own kids OP?

farmlife2 · 07/02/2025 08:05

charco · 07/02/2025 08:02

I had them the next day which is his day I could have said no come get them anyway but didnt so I have done what I said I would

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OK thanks for the clarification. Fair enough then. If that time didn't help him make up the missed work time though, I can see why he might still feel you owe him the chance to make up that work time.

Original poster
charco · 07/02/2025 08:02

farmlife2 · 07/02/2025 07:59

I agree with this. OP, he did you a favour and took your child when you had an emergency and needed one. This affected his work arrangements and time. So yes, you do owe him one by the sound of it?

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I had them the next day which is his day I could have said no come get them anyway but didnt so I have done what I said I would

OP posts:
Original poster
charco · 07/02/2025 08:01

Codlingmoths · 07/02/2025 07:56

Do you take the morning off work to get your kids to school then? Most parents, even separated parents… just get them to school normal time then go to work?

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Tbf he start at 6 so had to ask to start late to get them to school which I understand so he had to work late to make up the time he was late so he didnt have them the evening even though it’s his time because he would spend no time with them anyway would have only had time to bath and drive them home I kept them for him so that is making up the time but he thinks it dont

OP posts:
farmlife2 · 07/02/2025 07:59

drowninginsick · 07/02/2025 07:40

but he seem to think that don’t count because he only didnt have them because he worked late and it was my fault he worked late because he had the kids for me and I was at the hospital late so they had to sleep at his and he took the morning off work to get them to school and had to make up the time at woek.

@charco actually this kind of makes it sound like you do owe him! He has to change round his work schedule to help you when your younger child is at hospital then yea it's on you to have them while he works late making it up Confused

I agree with this. OP, he did you a favour and took your child when you had an emergency and needed one. This affected his work arrangements and time. So yes, you do owe him one by the sound of it?

TizerorFizz · 07/02/2025 07:59

Any “agreement” you have is not binding. You have no legal agreement so he can do what he wants. If you want a binding agreement, go to court.

Codlingmoths · 07/02/2025 07:56

drowninginsick · 07/02/2025 07:40

but he seem to think that don’t count because he only didnt have them because he worked late and it was my fault he worked late because he had the kids for me and I was at the hospital late so they had to sleep at his and he took the morning off work to get them to school and had to make up the time at woek.

@charco actually this kind of makes it sound like you do owe him! He has to change round his work schedule to help you when your younger child is at hospital then yea it's on you to have them while he works late making it up Confused

Do you take the morning off work to get your kids to school then? Most parents, even separated parents… just get them to school normal time then go to work?

ThDanielDay · 07/02/2025 07:53

You definitely still owe him based on your account of events

Original poster
charco · 07/02/2025 07:49

jeaux90 · 07/02/2025 07:42

So you don't have a CAO in place OP?

No we agreed on are own what we would do and he agree to pay what I asked been no issue until his little girlfriend come along .He always pay what he should but everything on his terms he changed from having the kids every wed thur and friday and sat one week or sat and sunday to one week monday wednesday and the whole weekend to the next week just wednesday and thursday. Say he wont do me favours anymore because I take the mick but ecspecs me to do him a favour because apparently I owe him one still but I already made that up like I said I would

OP posts:
Myheadhurtsagain · 07/02/2025 07:44

I'm sorry OP but your posts are almost unreadable. Slow down, put some full stops in and then more people will help you

Original poster
charco · 07/02/2025 07:43

drowninginsick · 07/02/2025 07:40

but he seem to think that don’t count because he only didnt have them because he worked late and it was my fault he worked late because he had the kids for me and I was at the hospital late so they had to sleep at his and he took the morning off work to get them to school and had to make up the time at woek.

@charco actually this kind of makes it sound like you do owe him! He has to change round his work schedule to help you when your younger child is at hospital then yea it's on you to have them while he works late making it up Confused

I did have them so I don’t now owe him because I had them?

OP posts:
jeaux90 · 07/02/2025 07:42

So you don't have a CAO in place OP?

Original poster
charco · 07/02/2025 07:41

Overthebow · 07/02/2025 07:13

It’s really hard to follow @charco . Could you explain clearly what the problem is?

He think I owe him a favour still he had the kids for me last month and I did say I would make it up to him and I already did when he didnt have them the next day which is his day but he thinks it don’t count because he had to work late as he had to take the kids to school so that’s my fault. Just stupid really I could have said no you will have them still for the 30min or 1 hour but I didnt I had them for him so the favour returned already. I ask for him to do a weekend of mine he tell me to get a babysitter because he have plans that will mess up if the weekends change but he think it fine to ask me to do his evening. He say he wont do me favours because I take this mick and never do it back but wants me to do them for him

OP posts:
StormingNorman · 07/02/2025 07:40

Overthebow · 07/02/2025 07:13

It’s really hard to follow @charco . Could you explain clearly what the problem is?

OP’s kid’s dad is a lazy knob who wants time off from parenting on his days. HTH.

drowninginsick · 07/02/2025 07:40

but he seem to think that don’t count because he only didnt have them because he worked late and it was my fault he worked late because he had the kids for me and I was at the hospital late so they had to sleep at his and he took the morning off work to get them to school and had to make up the time at woek.

@charco actually this kind of makes it sound like you do owe him! He has to change round his work schedule to help you when your younger child is at hospital then yea it's on you to have them while he works late making it up Confused

Original poster
charco · 07/02/2025 07:33

rubyslippers · 07/02/2025 07:19

This sounds like an informal arrangement with no financial order in place
I would change both those things immediately so it is clear
were you married?

Never married

OP posts:
Original poster
charco · 07/02/2025 07:31

LordEmsworth · 07/02/2025 07:20

I think the OP is complaining that her ex partner has cancelled having his kids next week, but refusing to have them at times when it's not "his time" when the OP asks for a favour. Also that he doesn't pay towards them.

He does pay we made are own agreement when he left he pay 200 and half of any needs for school like costume trips clubs just think he stupid for saying I still owe him time I said I would have them for him and did when he couldn’t have them on his day but he seem to think that don’t count because he only didnt have them because he worked late and it was my fault he worked late because he had the kids for me and I was at the hospital late so they had to sleep at his and he took the morning off work to get them to school and had to make up the time at woek. Ngl he I could have said to him I wont have them he can pick them up still for half an hour but I didnt I had them for him so I dont still owe him a favour at all but he thinks I do

OP posts:
IroningBoardAgainstTheWall · 07/02/2025 07:21

Don't help him out or ask him for favours any more.

Find some alternative childcare.

Go to court for access and csa

LordEmsworth · 07/02/2025 07:20

I think the OP is complaining that her ex partner has cancelled having his kids next week, but refusing to have them at times when it's not "his time" when the OP asks for a favour. Also that he doesn't pay towards them.