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Meal plans going wrong, why should I be blamed?

106 replies

pussinboots61 · 06/02/2025 19:25

I have a meal being planned with a group of friends in March. For years we have always met as a group, no men involved, a girlie get together. We do all meet seperately and in pairs but we have a meal altogether for Christmas and birthdays.

The main issue here is with three of the friends, who I'll refer to as A, B and C so as not to cause confusion.

Friend A does the arranging. Last Christmas friend B invited friend C's boyfriend to come along. He was the only man there. A good male friend of mine had given me a lift to the place and part of me felt obliged to invite him in for a coffee but I thought I wouldn't as it would be a girls meal only and I didn't want the other s thinking I was inviting a man along. But when friend C's boyfriend turned up I felt that I could have invited my friend in after all. Friiend A wasn't happy about the boyfriend being invited but when she found out that friend B had invited him she didn't say anything.

So now friend A is planning a meet up in March for her and friend C's birthdays which are both this month. She asked friiend C if her boyfriend is going, which she then took it as him being invited which she would do. I then, knowing that my male friend will be giving me a lift, said that I might ask him along too if another man is going to be there to keep him company. Friend C is totally happy with this and can't see a problem. Friend A however is not happy, she accused me of taking over, said its not my birthday and this man isn't even my partner. I pointed out that this makes no difference and friend C is happy for him to go along and its her birthday meal too. She said that its always been just us women before and she thinks its getting out of hand with other people coming along. I told her that she more or less invited friend Cs boyfriend but she said she only mentioned it to be polite. I told her that friend B invited him to the meal last Christmas and it wasn't her birthday and she hadn't asked anyone if they minded him going along but she said she won't say anything to her. Which means she will tell me but not anyone else.

I feel really upset by this. I have been in touch with friend B since and she said that friend A has rang her and said she's upset that the group is getting ruined and would rather it just be us. I agree with her, that men shouldn't be going along when its a girlie thing but if another man can go then I refuse to not allow my male friend to go.

Friend B feels sorry for friend A as she's got a lot on at the moment at home, and I feel sorry for her too but she's no need to talk to me like she has done. I have stress and depression but don't snap at people,.

Friend B was going to invite her cousin along (who is female) but she's thinking of not doing so now. I am taking my friend though if the other man is coming.

Any views on this and sorry if it's a long post. Thank you.

OP posts:
Couldbysunny · 06/02/2025 22:01

I'm really suprised that people think you are being unreasonable..
Why does one friend get to bring a man but no one else can??
If one friend has been allowed to bring their boyfriend then you should all be allowed to bring someone.
If she wants it just to be girls then that's what it needs to be.
V unfair to allow only one person to bring a man.. why?

Createausername1970 · 06/02/2025 21:57

Maybe you need two types of plans. One that is your core female group of friends for special occasions and the other that includes a +1.

Maybe you leave A to organise the special occasions with just the core group. Then you, B or C sort out the other ones.

Mangoesintoapub · 06/02/2025 21:55

who I'll refer to as A, B and C so as not to cause confusion

Not sure this has quite succeeded 😂

Honestly, what a lot of fuss. Do any of these random people even want to come to your friends' birthdays?

crumpet · 06/02/2025 21:54

Why are you inviting a friend who is not your partner, or not female, or not part of the group to someone else’s birthday?

lilytuckerpritchet · 06/02/2025 21:51

Is she the only one with a boyfriend? I can't understand why anyone who isn't part of the group would want to go anyway

Endofyear · 06/02/2025 21:27

It all sounds a bit childish to be honest. Why are you 'refusing to not allow' your male friend to come because one of the friends is bringing her boyfriend? I think it's odd that her boyfriend would want to come on a night out with a bunch of women - my DH likes my friends but wouldn't want to come on a girl's night out! Can't you all just agree to make it just girls and stop all the drama?

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