Meal plans going wrong, why should I be blamed?

It's the original group or it isn't - but a pre-invited extra is very different to a spontaneous invite in for a drink.

I do think it's weirder to bring a random friend than a boyfriend just because they gave you a lift. You can invite them in to yours before for a coffee if you want to thank them, not into someone else's house.

I don't know how busy everyone is, but it's also sometimes tricky to organise diaries for events like birthdays if everyone's busy - for example I think some of my mum friends were put out when my husband came to my drinks out for my birthday, but I only had one chance to go out out.

So I think there has to be a degree of pragmatism about expectations of how often you can all socialise as an exclusive four.

I think it's strange of you. You don't want men there. But now that one friend is bringing one you're insisting on doing the same because "of the principle". That's just being stubborn and childish in my opinion.

@pussinboots61 why would B take it upon herself to invite C's boyfriend? didn't she realise it would upset the applecart?? that is what started all the upset! no men should be invited at all if it is a girlie event!

Seems all very complicated. IMO friend B should never have said friend C's boyfriend could come in the first place without checking with the group.

I have been in a similar group since my 20s. The core social events are with the 'girls' at restaurants, though originally they were at our respective homes. We also, less frequently, meet up as couples, either for special occasions or a meal at one of our houses. No one flouts the unspoken rules without checking with the rest of the group that's it's OK. We occasionally invite another woman to our meet ups, again checking first with the group.

I guess you need to have a discussion about what works for you all, or accept that it's OK to invite others along, whether other men, women, partners or just friends.

My honest answer is that if A is organising it, and A doesn't want men at the meal, then A needs to find her voice and tell all people due to attend that it's a women only meal. Blokes can take the night off and eat elsewhere.

If B or C bring a bloke along, then everyone needs to say when he rocks up to the table it's a women only meal.

For the time being, A needs to send out a text message to everyone for the March meal saying that as she is organising the meal it will be in Location at Time and no men are invited. They are welcome to join for a drink afterwards or not at all but they aren't invited to the meal.

It's one meal. Surely men could sit this one out?

I think friend A has made it clear she's bothered but is prepared to put up with her friends boyfriend because 2 people wanted him there and it's her birthday.

Now OP is just being a dick and creating unecessary drama about the boyfriend rather than just saying she didn't want men invited.

but if another man can go then I refuse to not allow my male friend to go.

Petty, and you are adding to the ‘ruination’ of the group.

As the only man the original boyfriend might have ducked out.

However, as everyone is now taking your tack and adding uncle tom cobley and his kitchen sink, it will get do unwieldy and pointless that someone will find it easier to say ‘girls night out’ for the next one.

For now, I would apologise to A, suggest that next time she arranges she should say ‘what about a girls night out dinner?’and promise that you will back her up.

If you would like to get it back to the original set up.

There must be another story here.

Does friend C need her BF there for done reason, like shes anxious or lives so far away it'd be stupid for him to drop her off the come back and pick him up or he's controlling and she's not allowed out without him?

I think it odd that B invited Cs BF. Surely that means C shared some info and B thought having the BF along would solve it.

Is no one else bothered that BF has been added? It always changes the dynamic.

This seems separate to you bringing random male friend unless you have similar reasons eg safety, only way to get home and its massively putting him out, etc.

Your being blamed because your the one creating unecessary drama? There's absolute no need for your male friend to come

It's weird to insist on bringing a random male friend to girls night. Even if partners were invited it would still be weird. He's not your partner, he's just a random man.

It's Cs birthday. I agree it would have been better to stick to girls only but I don't think you can ban someone inviting their boyfriend to their own birthday. But just because one man's invited doesn't mean you can invite any man you can find.

Stop digging your heals in and uninvite this random man if you actually value these friends.

Yet another thread where I'm confused that people are seemingly unable to talk to people they call friends.

I have a group of female friends. Sometimes we meet up just as a group of female friends. On other occasions we invite partners, other friends, random people we met in the street (ok maybe not the last one) etc.

We also manage to say things like "just us ladies this time" or "shall we invite partners" or "shall we make this a general invitation" so we are all in agreement as to what type of get together we are having.

OP - "Let's just make the birthday meal open since we've already invited other people, but go back to it just being the 4 of us usually"

Why didn't she invite the other womens' partners too? Very strange and so random he came and didn't feel awkward, something should have been said to friend B then for doing that.

I would attend the dinner/girls get together without inviting anyone else.

The other boyfriend might not turn up, or might find girl talk of little interest to him and leave early.

Just say to the group I was looking forward to a girls day out like we normally have, can it just be us for this particular outing and we can organise something else with partners. Tbh if one of my friends insisted on bringing their clingy boyfriend out for a meal I’d rather cancel then sit there with him like a big gooseberry.

Renege on the males coming.
Uninvite all the men. Go back to being a girly meet up until you formally discuss and change the deal - which might never happen.
It should be three YESES means YES and one NO means NO.

Why can’t they? It’s happened before. His todger didn't drop off.

I mean, absolutely the group gets to decide who’s invited, obviously, but C’s boyfriend was actually invited last time by the organiser (who wasn’t C), so presumably two of the three women wanted him there on that occasion.

If i was A i would back right off from organising anything else, when B then decides to invite Cs boyfriend on a girls night out, I think she has caused all this and I wouldn't be happy if I was A.

Why the hell does friend C always want to bring her boyfriend anyway, it sounds like she's the needy one. I wouldn't want to bring my partner on a girls night out, it's very strange especially him being the only man there.

Think the group needs to decide if they want it to be girls only or mixed. They can't just have one guy with a group of women! Ask them in a group chat what they want to do for future meet ups.

You’re coming across as a bit weird and passive-aggressive to boot. Someone’s bringing their boyfriend, so you randomly plan invite a male friend who, presumably, doesn’t know anyone else at the meal, purely because ‘Someone else is bring a guy, therefore it’s my right to bring one’? Also, if this guy is your friend, why does he need a guy to talk to? He can clearly manage to hang out with women without his penis dropping off if he’s a friend of yours. As presumably, can the boyfriend, if he went out with you before and lived to tell the tale?

Why did B invite C's boyfriend to a girls night out? That is where it all started getting weird .

Thing is it’s her birthday, so perfectly reasonable to bring her partner.

whats wholly unreasonable is the ops desire and justification to have this bloke there,

That’s the root of this disturbance. And why did none of you say Hang on A why are you inviting Bs bloke? Or whichever way round it was.
i suggest cancelling this event and rearranging it for another day with the original group only. If anyone doesn’t want to then maybe this tradition has run its course.

Why on earth would you want your male friend to come and why would he even want to. A boyfriend is one thing but this is something else entirely.

now I’d not be bringing my partner, and he’d not want to come either, but there is no way in hell I’d be bringing a male friend, it is such an odd thing to do.

This would make perfect sense, if it wasn't somebody else's birthday meal! They get to choose who to invite

But it is her partner, you have described this man as your friend. So not a normal plus one situation, he isn't invited.
And while I agree that the group dynamics shouldn't have been changed without asking it isn't totally weird to want her partner at a dinner that is for her birthday. Especially as it sounds like they have been together for over a year?
Tbh I think you should talk to each other and either all invite your partners/husbands or none of you. And no, if you are single that doesn't include a random male friend to make up numbers.