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AIBU?

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Original poster

Scared of possible surgery, DH says I’m overreacting.

34 replies

Amioverrrreacting · 06/02/2025 18:25

I’ve spoken to a lot of friends and family about my health problem the last few days, so I apologise for being vague about it!

But something was discovered on a scan that I paid for privately because no GP would actually take me seriously, and I have been bumped ahead of the queue and have an NHS appointment next week to see a surgical consultant.

After googling, there’s a 5% chance this “thing” can be cancerous. Not a huge chance, but the fact that the NHS consultant is seeing me in less than a week freaks me out a little.

I also cried today because I’m scared of surgery, I’ve never had any before. DH keeps saying “all is fine” and then I asked him to stop saying that. He got irritated and said he’d been really supportive but now I’m overreacting about it all.

I said, “overreacting because I’m scared of surgery?” And he said yes.

AIBU??

OP posts:
Pennnyforthright · 06/02/2025 19:52

Your DH is a twat. I’m so sorry you have all this to worry about. Your fears are completely understandable.

I had major surgery for a large ovarian cyst. They did a complete hysterectomy. I was scared shitless. It turned out to be a rare ovarian cancer. That was over ten years ago and I’m still in remission. Even if you have cancer, it’s not necessarily a death sentence. There are so many great treatments these days.

The staff are brilliant and will look after you. They are used to patients being scared. It’s normal.

Sending hugs, 🤗❤️🤗

TruJay · 06/02/2025 19:40

@TheAzureSwan I had done exactly the same thing! Absolutely convinced myself this was it!
I even said to the nurses that I have to wake up and they had to make sure I did as my children are disabled and no one else can look after them the way I can. I think that’s why the nurse was holding my hand, I’m surprised I didn’t wake up with her holding my hand still I was hanging on so tightly 😂

TruJay · 06/02/2025 19:33

Yanbu OP

I had my first ever surgery recently and I was absolutely petrified, I was just thinking of every worst possible outcome.

What I can say is I was so wonderfully looked after. Every person involved in my care was so empathetic and compassionate towards me. I cried walking to theatre and the theatre staff talked to me about my children and other things to distract me. My whole body was shaking and my teeth chattering, I just couldn’t control it.

One theatre nurse held my hand once I’d laid down on the table and I just didn’t let go, she was so kind and just talked to me, the last thing I remember was her comforting me and something the anaesthetist said and then I woke up! I was in recovery, absolutely fine and slightly confused. The lovely nurses right beside me waiting for me to come round.
I was honestly dumbfounded how ‘quick’ it was, my op took 2.5hours but it felt like 10 seconds for me. it was surreal.

So although I cannot take away your fear (as my friends, husband and mum tried to with me) I can honestly say it was nowhere near as bad as I had led myself to believe.

Also take it easy afterwards, I thought I’d be on my feet, back to normal straight away and I was absolutely humbled! My first trip to Asda afterwards I dithered along at 2mph no matter how hard I tried to go faster, listen to your body and take your time to get back to full health.

Best of luck with the op and recovery x

ValentineValentineV · 06/02/2025 19:33

I’m not excusing your DH but he’s probably worried too and lots of men like to ‘fix’ things and many aren’t so good at listening and just being there for us.
I think once you’ve seen the consultant and got dates and stuff this will help a bit, at the moment everything is up
in the air. I was like this until I got the phone call this morning to say my surgery is on Monday. Now I am like this is happening and it’s happening on this date so I can plan my week.
If you can try and keep busy, it will help take your mind off things a little bit.

ohtowinthelottery · 06/02/2025 19:17

Honestly OP, I'd be exactly the same as you. In fact, I've just been told I need fairly simple, routine surgery under local anaesthetic and I'm bricking it too. In all of my 60+ years the only time I've been in hospital it to have my 2 DCs and they were both natural births. I've never even had a plaster cast!
My DH, though is relatively sympathetic though, as he had his 1st ever surgery in his early 50's so was similarly scared.

Good luck with your surgery OP.

Original poster
Amioverrrreacting · 06/02/2025 19:12

Thank you everyone, it makes me feel so much better to hear that. DH made me feel like I’m not being brave or something. Now we’re not talking.

I’ll have to take sick leave, I won’t be able to drive, have a shower. I have a weekend away with friends that I might not be able to go, depending on when it is. Even the small logistics suck - and an operation and fixed is the best case scenario!

I think he’s annoyed with me because an operation may fix the problem. It’s not that I don’t want the problem fixed, it’s that I don’t want the problem because it scares me!

I am really scared of all health stuff as my mother died very young and it’s a real fear of mine that I will die young too (as ridiculous as that sounds)!

In all honesty, I don’t think I’ve even been dramatic about it all. Just scared and want to talk about it to him because we’re married.

OP posts:
NovemberMorn · 06/02/2025 18:55

You are not being unreasonable, your husband is.
It makes no difference if the chances of something going wrong is minimal, the point is you are scared of the unknown... and he should be supportive.

Good luck.

ValentineValentineV · 06/02/2025 18:53

You can’t help it if you are scared, I’m going through something similar and am having surgery on Monday. The whole thing has happened really quickly for me so I’m telling myself it’s the efficiency of the NHS rather than something sinister.
I have had many operations and honestly you really don’t need to worry, all the staff are lovely and will talk you through what will happen on the day. You can request to be one of the first on the list (the order they operate on people) if you think this will help your anxiety. Afterwards you will be given oxygen and I always have this for a longish time as it makes me feel calm. Then you’ll rest for a bit and will be encouraged to eat a little something and have a drink. The staff will help you the first time you need to get up and use the loo.
If you have any questions please ask.

TheAzureSwan · 06/02/2025 18:45

I don't think you are over reacting OP.

My hip replacement was my first operation and I was terrified. Not of the surgery itself but I totally convinced myself I would never wake up from the anaesthetic. Of course I did.

My second operation was the surgery I needed last year on my broken leg. And I wasn't frightened at all before hand. Not even of the anaesthetic.

So I think your fear is natural for your first operation.

I'm sure you will be fine OP.