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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Secondary pupil not allowed to wait in reception

188 replies

Gonnaenodothat · 06/02/2025 16:32

Hi everyone,
Apologies in advance for the long post.
Dd12 is in secondary school and Dh does pick up. School finishes at 3.15pm but Dh usually gets to her about 3.45pm because he picks up our other 2 dds from primary school and both schools finish at the same time. Our eldest waits in reception for him she used to wait outside but because its cold now goes inside to wait, She isn't quite sensible enough to walk home due to lots of busy roads which have had incidents involving pedestrians recently, the traffic is mayhem around the school so its not safe for her to leave the school site.
My issue is that just lately the receptionist had been making comments to our dd such as wouldn't you rather go to the library and wait and quizzing her about why dad is late what school do her sisters go to etc to the point where dd went outside in the freezing cold because she felt uncomfortable.
Today Dh collected her and was asked by the receptionist why he was late and is there anyway he can collect her on time, she knows why he's late and that it unfortunately cannot be avoided. She says the reception area can get crowded with upto 6 pupils and that why she's asking, the reception area is always empty when he arrives and if six pupils were in there it is a large space and I wouldnt really say it was crowded. None of the other receptionists have an issue so im genuinely unsure why it's a problem am I missing something are we in the wrong to ask dd to wait inside to be collected?

OP posts:
Everydayimhuffling · 06/02/2025 17:01

If she's in the building then the school is legally responsible for her.

FoxtonFoxton · 06/02/2025 16:59

Dibbsy · 06/02/2025 16:56

Surely she can still go to the library and then after 30 minutes wait outside? At least that's 30 minutes not outside?

Yes exactly. Assuming her dad picks her up at approximately the same time every day surely she can just work in the library and then walk over and wait for 5 mins or so outside the front of the school?

Everydayimhuffling · 06/02/2025 16:59

How have you got yourselves into a situation where your DH is routinely late and expecting the reception staff to act as babysitters? That's not their job. Would you dump your DD in a dentist or doctor reception by herself and expect her to be looked after? This is no different.

She needs to learn to get home by herself, wait in a place that is appropriately staffed like the library or after school club, or you need to sort out a different arrangement.

Wonderi · 06/02/2025 16:58

If he’s going to be 30mins then tell her to wait in the library for 25mins and then walk over to reception.

I agree that she can’t really wait in reception for 30mins at one of the busiest times of the day.

Lilacpurplewoman · 06/02/2025 16:58

Gonnaenodothat · 06/02/2025 16:55

We are working on road safety, obviously she won't always be relying on someone picking her up, no direct buses unfortunately or buses to anywhere close to where she needs to be. She did used to in the library that's the only other place she can go but since she broke her phone it was just easier to collect from reception we don't expect anyone to look after her it was just somewhere warm to wait.
Thanks for the responses

There are children younger than DD walking to and from school safety she is nearly a teenager (assuming she will be this year) is there a reason she is struggling to cross the road safely or deep down is it because you’re too worried to let her

chelseahealyslips · 06/02/2025 16:57

Gonnaenodothat · 06/02/2025 16:55

We are working on road safety, obviously she won't always be relying on someone picking her up, no direct buses unfortunately or buses to anywhere close to where she needs to be. She did used to in the library that's the only other place she can go but since she broke her phone it was just easier to collect from reception we don't expect anyone to look after her it was just somewhere warm to wait.
Thanks for the responses

Working on road safety?
You've lost me. Haven't you been working on road safety since she could walk?

Playmobil4Eva · 06/02/2025 16:56

The receptionist probably wants to be getting on with her work and not baby sitting!

Dibbsy · 06/02/2025 16:56

Surely she can still go to the library and then after 30 minutes wait outside? At least that's 30 minutes not outside?

BathSpider · 06/02/2025 16:56

Our secondary keeps the IT rooms and library open until 5pm (they finish at 3:10) so students can use the facilities to study.

They also offer tonnes of after school activities, from art to sports.

I would imagine most secondary school offer this now? Surely the library etc would be a better use if her time, get her homework done so it’s sorted before she gets home?

Lilacpurplewoman · 06/02/2025 16:55

The more I think about this AIBU the more I feel like it’s so entitled and cheeky to just assume the receptionists will let your daughter stand in there for 30 mins waiting for her dad to pick her up. Surely a phone convo should have been made about this in advance?

She is your DD and your responsibility not the receptionist, she either learns road safety or waits in library

Original poster
Gonnaenodothat · 06/02/2025 16:55

We are working on road safety, obviously she won't always be relying on someone picking her up, no direct buses unfortunately or buses to anywhere close to where she needs to be. She did used to in the library that's the only other place she can go but since she broke her phone it was just easier to collect from reception we don't expect anyone to look after her it was just somewhere warm to wait.
Thanks for the responses

OP posts:
mummysmagicmedicine · 06/02/2025 16:55

Why isn’t she going to the library? Can she walk home with a friend?

JandamiHash · 06/02/2025 16:53

A school is a place of business not a waiting room.

You have a few options:

  1. tell her to wait in the library. Thai is a MUCH better alternative she can do homework
  2. Find a way to overcome your (OTT) anxiety about her leaving school grounds. Unless her school is in the middle of the spaghetti junction or a war zone it’s perfect safe for her to leave
  3. Get her a place on a school bus.
OpenFox · 06/02/2025 16:53

Gonnaenodothat · 06/02/2025 16:32

Hi everyone,
Apologies in advance for the long post.
Dd12 is in secondary school and Dh does pick up. School finishes at 3.15pm but Dh usually gets to her about 3.45pm because he picks up our other 2 dds from primary school and both schools finish at the same time. Our eldest waits in reception for him she used to wait outside but because its cold now goes inside to wait, She isn't quite sensible enough to walk home due to lots of busy roads which have had incidents involving pedestrians recently, the traffic is mayhem around the school so its not safe for her to leave the school site.
My issue is that just lately the receptionist had been making comments to our dd such as wouldn't you rather go to the library and wait and quizzing her about why dad is late what school do her sisters go to etc to the point where dd went outside in the freezing cold because she felt uncomfortable.
Today Dh collected her and was asked by the receptionist why he was late and is there anyway he can collect her on time, she knows why he's late and that it unfortunately cannot be avoided. She says the reception area can get crowded with upto 6 pupils and that why she's asking, the reception area is always empty when he arrives and if six pupils were in there it is a large space and I wouldnt really say it was crowded. None of the other receptionists have an issue so im genuinely unsure why it's a problem am I missing something are we in the wrong to ask dd to wait inside to be collected?

Reception is for visitors, not for loitering pupils.

She should either:

  1. Wait in the library and do her homework (5 x 30 minutes = 2h30 mins of education time per week)
  2. Get a bus home
  3. start walking home and get your DH to pick her up from another location where she doesn't have to cross a busy road.
Bluevelvetsofa · 06/02/2025 16:52

The reception area is not staffed as the library or an after school club would be.

boulevardofbrokendreamss · 06/02/2025 16:52

Why can't she go to the library or get the bus?

Bluevelvetsofa · 06/02/2025 16:51

Pupils at secondary school are expected to travel independently. Of course, not all do, but the receptionnrea

Talipesmum · 06/02/2025 16:51

The receptionist might be wanting to do phone calls to people etc and doesn’t want a y7 listening in - of course reception isn’t a private space but to have someone sitting there every time could be annoying. She should wait in the library.

Funkyslippers · 06/02/2025 16:50

Traffic is mayhem around most schools. But there will more than likely be safe crossings for her to use

FoxtonFoxton · 06/02/2025 16:50

The library does make a lot more sense. She can get on with some homework or reading in a warm, safe place and just walk over when dad arrives. I would imagine the receptionist wants to discourage loads of kids hanging around in what is essentially supposed to be just an arrival and departure area for staff and parents and to receive deliveries etc.

thesnailandthewhale · 06/02/2025 16:49

Children aren't allowed to wait in our reception either. Homework club in the library or various after-school clubs.

chelseahealyslips · 06/02/2025 16:48

I think maybe you need to do better to prepare her for high school life here.
I was going to suggest that she begin the walk in the direction of home and your husband can meet her/pick her up along the route somewhere. Has she any friends that she could walk some of the way with?

EmberAsh · 06/02/2025 16:46

Unless there is some massive drip feed there is no reason why your child can't walk either home or to a suitable meeting point to your husband. Other children will be managing it fine.

Mademetoxic · 06/02/2025 16:46

If she isn't walking home or taking public transport by herself aged 12, will she still be waiting for her dad aged 14/15?

She needs to be more independent.

Dibbsy · 06/02/2025 16:45

I have a DD in Y7 and she gets picked up by us.

If we're late she has a variety of options of places to be. Library, playground, music room, cafe, common room, (appreciate not all schools have all of those) but even when I was at a state secondary in the 90s there were plenty of easy hanging out options. Especially music/library/computer room - all the schools we looked at state and independent had those options for kids before/after school.

If it's 30 minutes every day then surely shed be wise to find somewhere to sit and get some homework done? Are there not clubs she can go to?

I've never heard of a secondary school child waiting in reception other than if you're collecting them for an appointment etc during school hours.

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