A room of one’s own

18month age gap between me and my sibling 2 girls.

forced to share until she moved out.

there was a box room available but parents insisted we share.

we Are total opposites in terms of everything - one tidy, one untidy. One loved Rock music - one hated it… one loved laying in - one an early bird. Everything about us was ‘incompatible’ for sharing.

we begged and pleaded to have separate rooms - both of us begging to go in the smaller room (no fight over having the biggest room) as we just wanted some space as teenagers .

parents wouldn’t let us separate. No real reason given . Room was just a junk room - not being purposefully used…

I really think kids appreciate their own space if possible - even if a shoe box - it is their shoebox - I understand that sometimes sharing is the only option - but I think many kids really would appreciate that little space to call their own.

Sharing is fine under age 10 and many kids prefer that. From 11 or so, a private space is important even if it is small.

If I’d been expected to share with my sister when we were kids, I’d have left home as soon as possible & I doubt our relationship would have survived.

As it is, we’re really close now & actually choose to go on weekend breaks together & share.

It should be a choice if the option is there.

MOST kids (particularly teens) prefer their own space and often need* their own space.

I would never have more kids than I have bedrooms for these exact reasons, but if my kids wanted to share then that's fine.

My best friends when I was a teenager were twins, and they lived in a 3 bed house, with two small doubles and a box room that just fitted a bed. One twin opted for the box room just to have some space.

*as a teacher, I deal with SO many kids who come from larger families who just don't get much personal space at home, and it really affects their MH. It's quite sad.

I think as people have said- how tiny is tiny? I am only child so the thought of sharing a bedroom as a kid makes my blood freeze, so if the 2 smaller rooms are still usable space that would be my option. Good luck with the extension.

I agree it depends on the children. I think ideally it's nice for kids to have their own space, especially when they get to teens. Having said that, my sister and I had our own rooms and we actually slept in my room together 90% of the time right up until we left home - we preferred being together!

It depends. In many cultures it would be totally bizarre to have a child sleeping at themselves from 6 months. I know of several siblings (children of my friends) who have preferred to share rooms as younger children. Different as teens i suspect.

I preferred sharing as a kid, wanted own room as a teen (not to be though).

My kids (opposite sex) chose to share until the eldest was around 10/11 and then opted for own room. Still share on holiday. One of them is away at uni and loves sharing on holiday.

Disappointed. Thought this was going to be about Virginia Wolfe

Yes. I did have a tiny room and was much happier with that than sharing

My sister and I had our own rooms but we had regular sleepovers on the weekends where we’d share.

I agree. I had to share my bedroom with 2 sisters when I was growing up and I hated having no privacy. My brother got a room to himself as the only boy! I would never have more dc if I couldn't afford a home with enough bedrooms for one each - would rather have stopped at one than make kids share.

Yes totally, the age gap is going to make a lot of difference. I was 2 years apart from my sister, and our boys are the same. Bigger gaps often equal much more different needs / life stages / needs from the room.

Depends on the kids and their age gap - for me, I shared with my sister, 2 years apart, more or less up to the end of primary school age, then we moved into separate rooms. Loved sharing with her and I think it made us even closer. Once we started needing our own desks for more homework etc and getting a bit older, we had our own spaces which was great.

We did the same with our boys - barring the first few years when there were baby wakings etc, they shared up to ages of about 9/10 and 11/12. Bunk beds. They loved sharing as well, was lots of fun. Now they have their own spaces / desks / more privacy in their teens.

The rooms aren’t tiny though - we didn’t have to make that decision. But broadly it’s probably nicer to have a larger space to jointly play in as younger children, and smaller spaces for privacy as older children.

If the room is SO tiny, its not practical for a bed/wardrobe etc, I'd consider diving a larger room. There are some good ideas here to give each child some privacy and space- within a larger, single room.

www.hometalk.com/diy/bedroom/q-how-do-i-divide-one-bedroominto-two-44257045

I think you have to consider everything in this situation: how tiny is tiny ( some tiny can still fit bed and desk easily but some bigger are not , depends on dimensions) , age gap, gender. what are children’s hobbies, personalities etc. I shared with my older sister (big age gap) at some point (not long) but she was at work during the day or out with mates then moved to uni so practically it was just nights. She didn’t need her own desk. If it was 3 years gap from age 10 to 18…. we wouldn’t survive ( or rather our parents wouldn’t 🤣🤣)

Some kids choose to share

Mine loved sharing and it is only now (upper primary) that they want their own space. We are rearranging to create a room each but if that wasn't possible would work out some kind of dividing solution. Friends with lots of DC built an extension and made a room for them all (shared previously and now teenagers) - quite small rooms but well planned layout and they seem very happy with it

I preferred sharing until age 11 then wanted my own space even if tiny.

Yes, but I think personal experience forms our opinions on it.

I grew up sharing - there was an 8 year age gap and it was awful. I was trying to do my GCSEs and had no privacy, space, my sister ran riot and it was awful.

So for me I was never going to have children sharing a room.

We moved to a three bedroom house before having a second for this reason.

It depends on the kids and how well they get on.
I shared until I was about 10 then got my own room. I think that makes sense, once the older one goes to secondary school they're likely to have homework and their room changes from playroom to study room.

How tiny?

Can't you ask the kids themselves or are they not verbal or in existence yet?

Depends on the kids I guess. Can you have a bigger room which can be divided so you have flexibility?

I would have liked my own room, 5 years between my sister and I, and both very different! I was starting work when she started secondary school...