AIBU to not pay for them?

I think it's mean not to pay for the step-grandchildren. Way to show them they're not really part of the family.

I'd explain you can't afford to pay for them all. Split the bill.

if you genuinely can’t afford to pay for everyone, have an honest conversation with your daughter and tell her you’ve budgeted a certain amount and you’re happy to pay for yourself and the children, but the adults will have to cover their own bill.

If they’re not happy with that they can offer to reschedule.

I would do this or speak to your DD separately and explain you can’t stretch to the two extra heads so can the supper be rescheduled.

But WHY do they have to be wanted? They aren’t the OP’s relatives. The dynamic is already changed why should OP pay 25% more on her bill (more if teens are hungry) for children she doesn’t especially want to be there?

I'm not sure why there are so many posts saying YABU.

How many kids are there?! Having an extra two at a meal could add another £80 onto the bill, or more if they're teenagers!

If you GENUINELY cannot afford it, then have a quiet word with your daughter and say you'd love for them to come along, but you have only budgeted for 4 people and not sure your finances could stretch to 6 (7? 8?) so would they be able to help you out a bit with the additional cost.

If you can afford to pay, then just pay. Cancelling or refusing to pay for them will drive a wedge between you and your daughter.

Are you absolutely sure that they know that you're paying, or are you all just doing that British thing of not discussing money until you've had the meal and when the bill comes you were planning on saying "I'm getting this!". Because they might be fully expecting to pay themselves, in which case extra people would not seem rude.

Otherwise: I earn less than minimum wage (p/t freelancer) so not exactly loaded but in your shoes, I would pay. It's not the kids' fault! However, I also think it would be polite for your DC and family to offer to pay, and if I was in their shoes I'd be expecting to pay my own way.

Extra people? It’s not like DH invited a couple of colleagues for his mil to pay for. They’re his fucking kids!!!!! The half siblings of OP’s granddaughter

Hear Hear.

Having to watch your pennies is nothing to be ashamed of but I’d be mortified if I had children come into my family and I was able to say I hardly knew them, or very rarely saw them.

It's very wrong for anyone to expect you to pay for the step children. Either rearrange so they wont be there, (which may be tricky if they get sprung on your SiL), or talk beforehand to DD & SiL to sort it out. The kids won't notice the bill-paying, why would they? There must be no awkwardness at the table.

I would let SIL or DD make a contribution if they wanted to otherwise I woukd pay unless it was outside of what I could afford. If I cou,dngbaffird it, I'd tell DD what my budget was for the event.

For another £30/40/50 I would just pay for them to keep family relations good and maybe use the opportunity to bond a little with them. I have step nieces and nephews and I always just pay for them if they're with my sister and her child and I'm getting lunch, tickets for something, icecreams etc because they are part of the family.

omg those are her dd’s step kids

imagine your mum’s plans change so you go to your dad’s and are thought of as an unwanted interloper

Isn’t it more stingy to invite people to someone a meal someone else is paying for a refuse to fork out for them, just expecting the other person to add to their bill?

Rather than making this about people, why don't you set a budget? So say that you planned to contributing £100 for the meal but now there's extra guests would DH be happy to cover any extra above that ?

This seems the most sensible arrangement. Son-in-law has invited extra guests to OP's event, and has rather carelessly forgotten to offer to pay for them. In the light of that I'd put the above suggestion to him.

Just talk to you DD and DSIL, say that it will be a bit much for you to pay for everyone, are they OK if you share the costs. I am sure they will be fine with it.
Or pay the bill and let your DD and SIL pay the tip.

My toes curl at the thought of inviting extra people along to an event that someone else is paying for.

I think that's totally reasonable - can't understand why anyone thinks it isn't honestly. Provided of course none of the kids now who is paying what, but assuming they don't, that's fine.

Of course you don’t have to pay for the unwanted interlopers.

I wouldn't be pointed about it, just say it's a big group and you're happy to go halves. I would think that's all they could expect.

My toes literally curl at the idea of being so stingy. Imagine having the opportunity to be inclusive, welcoming, and generous, and deciding that it's too much of an imposition on yourself.

You adjust the hospitality that you can offer to accommodate the number of people; you don't slash the number of people you'll pay for. Go to a cheaper venue or have a picnic or take them to McDonald's if need be; better to have the memories of a hamburger outing where everyone was welcome than to have a fancy meal where there is awkwardness over who pays for what and who is A-List, B-List.

I’d explain you’d budgeted your finances and although you’re looking very much forward to seeing then children, you’ll only be able to cover all the children now and not the adults.
If there’s only 2 extra children you’ll probably end up saving money rather than paying for the 2 adults.
I definitely wouldn’t divide the bill any other way as it can easily look like your problem is with the children themselves!

It is rude to add additional people, children or otherwise, and just expect them to be paid for as well.

Threads run full here of people calling parents who drop off siblings to parties they’re not invited to, calling them out for their cheek.

Are they steps or half siblings to your DGD?

I don’t think the fact they’re step children is even relevant - you originally said you’d pay for 4, more people have been invited by someone else, so that someone should foot the bill.

Whether it’s stepchildren, siblings, mates or Barry from work - the rule is if you bring more people along then they (or in this case your SIL) need to pay