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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to not pay for them?

287 replies

Trinity890 · 06/02/2025 14:26

It's my granddaughters birthday coming up and I offered to take GD, DD & her DH for a meal to celebrate.

My daughters husband has older DC who I rarely see, they were not due to be with them on this day (Saturday) but now are due to a change in their mum's plans.

I have no problem at all with them coming along, obviously. But AIBU to say whilst I'm happy to pay for DD, DH & DGD as originally planned, they will need to cover DHs older kids?

I'm not living in poverty but neither am I rich and I have next to no relationship with the older ones.

OP posts:
Whoarethoseguys · 06/02/2025 14:41

If you can afford it I would just pay for them all they are your grand daughter 's siblings so even though you might not have a relationship with them she will.
Of course if it means it will leave you short you should probably rearrange it

Flopsythebunny · 06/02/2025 14:39

I rarely ever see my step grandchildren, but I wouldn't dream of not including and paying for them under these circumstances

MrsTerryPratchett · 06/02/2025 14:37

They can't come then everyone has an awkward conversation about not paying for them. You need to work something else out in advance. However, since you rarely see them, and they are your GD's step siblings, it might be nice to get to know them. Is that worth two meals?

YoungGunsHavingSomeFunCrazyLadiesKeepEmOnTheRun · 06/02/2025 14:36

Just tell them your finances are limited so an extra couple of meals is out of your budget and ask to reschedule the meal, see what solution they come up with.

Pinkelephant66 · 06/02/2025 14:34

If you have no relationship with them then no, you shouldn’t pay. And the dad should not expect you to pay. He should be offering to avoid any awkwardness

you could possibly change the day but if it’s a faff and difficult to get you all together for the meal, then I don’t think you should have to change your plans because the other children are now coming

sprigatito · 06/02/2025 14:33

It's your decision, but if I were your DD or SIL we would be politely declining your invitation and celebrating as a family instead.

If you can't afford to pay for all of the children in the family, by all means explain that to your daughter and either cancel or ask to go halves (which would be embarrassing, because you should have thought this through before you made the offer). You don't get to divide their family into the deserving and the undeserving, and if your daughter is any sort of a decent person she won't even consider allowing you to.

Iamallowedtodisagreewithyou · 06/02/2025 14:30

I think it was a little bit cheeky of his son in laws to invite them to be honest but as he has, then yes, ask him if he can pay for his kids

Springflowersmakeforbetterhours · 06/02/2025 14:29

Why not just pay for the dc and the adults pay for themselves?

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 06/02/2025 14:29

If the dad offers to pay you could accept but please don’t ask.

Rickrolypoly · 06/02/2025 14:28

pay for them or reschedule for when they are not there.

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 06/02/2025 14:28

You must pay. How would your step grandchild feel to be singled out. Give the child a treat and try to get to know them better.

QforCucumber · 06/02/2025 14:28

If you’re not paying for them all then personally I think you need to rearrange the meal for another day