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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be fuming about this work meeting?

137 replies

olegsyka · 06/02/2025 13:27

Just had the most infuriating meeting at work and need to vent before I explode.

Backstory: I work in a fairly small team, been there a few years, generally get on with everyone. But we have this one colleague (let’s call him Steve, because of course he’s a Steve) who is one of those people. Talks over everyone, loves the sound of his own voice, manages to say a lot without actually saying anything. You know the type.

Anyway, today we had a big meeting with senior management. Everyone had prepped, I had quite a bit to contribute because I’ve been working on a particular project for months. Meeting starts, and Steve IMMEDIATELY hijacks it. Every time I tried to speak, he either talked over me or “helpfully” rephrased what I’d just said (but worse). At one point, I literally had my mouth open to respond to a question from the boss, and he just steamrolled in and answered for me – and he was WRONG.

I caught my manager’s eye a couple of times and she looked sympathetic but didn’t step in. I didn’t want to be that person who kicks up a fuss in front of the big boss, so I bit my tongue. But I am RAGING. I’ve worked my backside off on this, and he’s just swooped in, talked over me, and taken credit for things I’VE DONE.

AIBU to be furious? And how do I deal with this without looking like a stroppy cow? I don’t want to go full-on confrontation, but I also can’t let this keep happening.

TL;DR: Colleague keeps hijacking meetings, talking over me, and taking credit for my work. How do I shut it down?

OP posts:
fetchacloth · 07/02/2025 19:10

I would have said 'I am speaking' in a slightly raised voice, and carried on.
I've had many years' experience at having to do this in meetings mainly dominated by men. Eventually even the Steve's of this world get the message, especially when they look like prats in front of their own managers.🙄

Not all men behave like this but sadly some think it's their prerogative.

WilmaTitsDrop · 07/02/2025 19:05

You need to be more Steve by the sound of it.

Assert yourself because no other fucker is going to do it for you.

Crakajak · 07/02/2025 19:01

Everything he interjects continue as if he did not and at the point where he butted in. He will rapidly get exposed with this tactic.

BunnyVV · 07/02/2025 18:08

Laxative in Steve’s coffee a few hours before should do the trick.
seriously, you have some good advice here. Just say, “I’m going to answer this one, thanks Steve. I’m closer to the project.”

Puzzledandpissedoff · 07/02/2025 10:39

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 07/02/2025 10:12

I'm not sure if anyone has already said this - but I saw a definition of mansplaining, that fits nicely here - Correctile Dysfunction!

Love it ... I shall pinch that Grin

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 07/02/2025 10:12

RawBloomers · 07/02/2025 00:51

So many of them just can’t seem to help themselves. Like they can’t quite believe a woman could get it right and it must be luck so they need to explain!

I'm not sure if anyone has already said this - but I saw a definition of mansplaining, that fits nicely here - Correctile Dysfunction!

StormingNorman · 07/02/2025 06:50

RawBloomers · 07/02/2025 00:51

So many of them just can’t seem to help themselves. Like they can’t quite believe a woman could get it right and it must be luck so they need to explain!

He probably thought I was there to make the tea 😂

RawBloomers · 07/02/2025 00:51

StormingNorman · 06/02/2025 21:59

He was explaining it to me - including explaining why it was important for the business I adhered to it 😂

So many of them just can’t seem to help themselves. Like they can’t quite believe a woman could get it right and it must be luck so they need to explain!

StormingNorman · 06/02/2025 21:59

RawBloomers · 06/02/2025 20:28

My strategy with this is to respond something like “Yes! Exactly, you’ve got it.” In a friendly rather than patronising way. Basically assume they are just checking they’ve understood (which they may be, though sometimes the tone indicates they think they are telling you something new.).

He was explaining it to me - including explaining why it was important for the business I adhered to it 😂

RawBloomers · 06/02/2025 20:28

StormingNorman · 06/02/2025 15:07

I once presented MY strategy at a board meeting (the only woman in the room) and had it explained back to me by a kind elderly gentleman.

My strategy with this is to respond something like “Yes! Exactly, you’ve got it.” In a friendly rather than patronising way. Basically assume they are just checking they’ve understood (which they may be, though sometimes the tone indicates they think they are telling you something new.).

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 06/02/2025 19:02

Your boss was also at fault. They had the authority to shut Steve down and didn’t.

There have been some good suggestions on this thread. Another practical point is get names put against topics on the agenda or get your boss to introduce a topic and say olegsyka with take you through the progress update on Project xyz and then Steve will discuss the work on topic abc. That way if Steve buts in you can say as agreed I’ll give this update Steve.

Hotflushesandchilblains · 06/02/2025 19:01

I would ask for a joint meeting with Steve and your manager. I would tell him directly that this behaviour is unacceptable, and that if he does it again, you will cut him off and consider putting in a complaint for harassment.

Coffeesnob11 · 06/02/2025 18:29

I also am a big believer in work allies, especially men. If Steve talks over other people or repeats what they say do you speak up and say Sarah just said that Steve it was her point originally. Steve Sarah was talking I was interested in her thoughts can you wait until she has finished? Or are you quiet?
I have a work colleague (male) who is good at saying yes that was coffeesnobs idea and she was explaining how it will work. Can we hear more.
Your boss also needs to speak to him.
Does he interrupt men as much? What do they do when he does?

sankacoolrunnings · 06/02/2025 18:27

I would email your presentation/paper out to the attendees with "we didn't get time to discuss this in full detail so I thought you may find this useful please ask me if you have any questions"

aspidernamedfluffy · 06/02/2025 17:59

"I apologise Steve, I thought that question was meant for me as I was the one it was directed at, but please, do carry on"

JustMyView13 · 06/02/2025 17:57

You gotta pull your big girl knickers up and arm yourself with shut downs.

Prolonged silence if you’re presenting to ‘create the space’ for Steve to look like a twat. I also will stop dead what I’m saying. Then when he’s finished start the sentance again. It’s actually hilarious watching them try to interject at the same point more than once.

Or ‘Thank you for your input Steve. Just to take a step back for a minute’ continues what I was saying.

‘Thank you for explaining that to the group, Steve. Does anyone have any questions before we move forward?’

Marmite27 · 06/02/2025 17:36

Last time it happened to me I stuck my hand up in the air like I was at school, when the chair called on me I suggested everyone had to do it to prevent people talking over each other!

I have also employed the index finger up, and the words, ‘I haven’t finished’.

W0tnow · 06/02/2025 17:25

You know what works? Continue speaking, don’t break your stride, don’t even look at Steve, just hold your hand up, palm facing toward Steve, in a ‘quiet!’ gesture. It’s very effective.

Shrinkingrose · 06/02/2025 17:22

I mean this gently, but Steve isn’t the problem here, your lack of confidence , overthinking about management thinking you’re argumentative and inability to speak up and say your part, is. That’s what you need to focus on.

maybe try to find assertiveness training. Your manager wasn’t looking at you with sympathy as Steve was doing all the talking, it was as she saw you lacked the confidence and assertiveness to speak up.

Cushioncut · 06/02/2025 17:17

You may think your boss was sympathetic but she did nothing to rein in Steve. She is either completely wet or was watching how you were going to handle it. I am a manager and I would have shut down Steve. For whatever reason, she didn't so I wouldn't rely on her sympathy.

Don't use passive agressive comments. Just be direct with Steve or he will try it again. Try to build alliances with other who may not appreciate Steve. Lots of the responses suggested on here are excellent. Women want to be seen as polite and nice - men want to win. I don't mind if people call me a bitch or a ballbreaker behind my back - well maybe I'd mind a little bit. But I wouldn't let my staff member be held out to dry like this.

OpenFox · 06/02/2025 17:05

I've just been teaching assertiveness to my Y7s and how it can be really hard sometimes!

You really need to be assertive.

"Thanks Steve for having a go at answering, but I'm just going to correct you on that as it's not quite right".

"Thanks Steve for all those great contributions. Is there anything else you'd like to add, or can I carry on?"

Start with a positive, be polite but firm.

AdoraBell · 06/02/2025 17:01

What TouchofSilverShampoo said, do that every time he interrupts.

Wonderi · 06/02/2025 16:56

If you’re not a confrontational person then perhaps make a joke to start with. Like “I answered that without my lips moving”.

I definitely think you should have said something and I would definitely have some phrases ready for the future.

But actually I’d be really annoyed that your boss didn’t speak up.

I have a very similar colleague who is frankly a bully and a lot of the staff are afraid of her.
If she tries talking over people or being rude my boss will immediately step in.

Franjipanl8r · 06/02/2025 16:49

I didn’t want to come across as difficult or argumentative

You’ve limited your own meeting contribution because of your own sub-conscious gender stereotype around being nice and not being “bossy”. Women don’t need to worry about this shit, you’ve been given a seat at the table, now use your voice and respect yourself. Steve doesn’t care about how he comes across, neither should you.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 06/02/2025 16:46

Meant to add that, though I hope it doesn't happen, there's a tiny chance that he may get really offensive when politely shut down - since we're now sharing favourites, my own was "Ooooo looks like Puzzled's 'on' this week"

If this should happen, say absolutely nothing but leave a LONG pause while looking him straight in the eye, and then take it up with management afterwards

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