Feeling protective of my DC

I love my own children more than life but I can’t really be bothered with other kids. Mine are getting older now so I prefer to meet those with younger children when the children are spending time with dad etc… or I’m happy with a phone call when the kids are in bed.

I have a couple of friends with pre-school children and I find it draining to be honest. We can’t get a conversation finished and everything revolves around the child, which is fine, but I find it boring really and I wonder why we can’t just have a half hour catch up when DC is asleep.

I met one friend a couple of weeks ago with her two kids and I’ll avoid it in future, because we took them to the park and on their bikes yet they constantly needed attention. Push me, chase me, play with me and I didn’t want to. Happy to do it for a few mins but the whole 1.5 hours was me being a child’s entertainer.

I’m not a high maintenance friend at all but I won’t be meeting again until the kids are older because it’s pointless.

I'm very surprised by some replies here. These friends lack manners to the extreme. Whilst I get that many people won't want to socialise with children, they still need to show basic manners when they're with them, especially in the child's own house. Since children learn their behaviour from those around them, I wouldn't want my children seeing these rude people, and thinking their behaviour was acceptable, or that someone's bad treatment of them was something to be tolerated. If friends couldn''t show good manners to my child, who is after all, a part of myself and my life, I would take this rudeness personally. I would ditch them.

What is your child’s behaviour and personality like? As awful as it sounds, I do like children, but I have one friend whose child’s behaviour is….let’s just say full on…however, she thought at the age of your child it was acceptable/adorable/typical (it really was not). I did not enjoy spending any time at all with them.

20 minutes?

I don't expect my friends with or without children to engage with my children beyond polite greetings and expressions of vague interest in their lives. For about, max, 5 minutes.

Children are annoying and unless you are particularly interested in children or have a particular love for a certain child, talking to them is not interesting or fun. Sorry.

MN always states "Other people's children are annoying" - I find it totally bizarre. It's like me saying I find people over 50 intolerable, therefore I cannot be expected to be polite to them.

In the real world, normal people like children as much as they like any other type of human being.

Any friend who was rude to my child would no longer be a friend of mine. Thankfully, I have lots of friends, including plenty who are very adamantly child free, who are all lovely with my children.

There is absolutely no way someone could express dislike for your child or not wanting to see them without you getting upset/annoyed about it. Be honest with yourself.
I don't feel particularly strongly about my best friend's kids. They were fine when babies as they generally didn't interrupt socialising much. My friend could chat and change the diaper at the same time. Toddlers are very demanding. I can smile and look at a toy for a couple of seconds but, ultimately, I am not there to see a child. 20 minutes seems like a very long time to engage with them "to be polite".
Teenage kids are absolutely delightful, especially if they can join in with adult conversation.

I don't agree with dragging kids along to child free events as it changes the whole dynamic (and I have two DC).

But I would be seriously unimpressed if I invited someone to my house and they are rude or hostile to a member of my family.
They wouldn't do it with if a parent, siblings, or partner/spouse is there, so why is the kid free game?

You don't have to like them, just be civil.

True friends would understand you’re a parent now which means your life and responsibilities have changed. They would understand you couldn’t commit to every meet up. They would understand your DS is obviously the most important person to you.

Not everyone enjoys being around kids, in fact I’d say it’s valid for them to want to meet up without children coming along on occasions.

But if I had a friend who ignored my DS blatantly and act like he was invisible in his own home I would have to ditch.

Not everyone has a partner or wants one but it doesn’t mean you can just act like your mates DH doesn’t exist or ignore him at their own home. You don’t have to have a partner to ask every so often how your mates partner is or say hello in their home. You wouldn’t let anyone disrespect DH like this so do not let anyone get away with doing it to your DS X

You're not being unreasonable at all OP! It's not hard to be polite to anyone and that includes kids too.

I'd stick to adult only meet ups at restaurants, bars etc if they can't be civil to your child in their own home.

(But their whole attitude would put me off to be honest and I wouldn't be rushing to plan things with them, unless you really want to do it.)

I think some people are just awkward around kids. It is not malicious. Like some people aren't dog people.

I used to be like this never having been around kids. I got better when my siblings had kids and then nailed it when I had kids myself (thank goodness).

I never expect others to interact with my kids, even friends. Maybe they just aren't feeling it OP which is fine.

Yes this. I thoroughly dislike dogs, but if I go to visit my friends and family with dogs I'm happy to interact with them. It's their house, not mine, and it's the polite thing to do. I wouldn't dream of asking for them to be shut away.

Someone’s Granny or partner wouldn’t constantly be shouting at your friend asking for their attention or climbing on to the table and grabbing things they shouldn’t be or pulling your friends focus from a conversation you’re trying to have with them.

There’s a big difference.

Can’t you just see them out of the home without your DC? I don’t even really want to socialise with my friends’ DC and I am a parent.

They just sounds like dickheads to be honest. I don't like dogs but when I visit my friends with dogs I still say hello to the dog and try hard to compose my face so I don't look as vaguely disgusted as I feel 😂

Parents are biased about their views on their own children.

Could it be that they’re being perfectly polite to your child and then focusing their attention back on to you but because they’re not acting like Mr Tumble and spending every second focused on him you’re being offended.

They sound rude and unpleasant. The answers are largely ridiculous too. No one would say you could ignore or tut at someone’s granny because they dislike elderly people or at someone’s partner because they don’t like French people or someone’s dog because they don’t like animals.

It costs nothing to be civil at the bare minimum, friendly with a bit of effort, and no one who was rude to my children would be welcome in my home. I wouldn’t bother to see them elsewhere either.

Wow!
If they invite him they should be kind! I have a son but doesn’t mean I like other peoples kids but am always nice to them!

If those friends keep being intolerant and rude, I’d phase them out! If they like you they should like you and your child.

I wouldn’t invite these friends to your house anymore.

I think it’s fine for people not to like kids but as you say, it’s your son’s home and he shouldn’t be made to feel crap by visitors.

Are you sure that the “bring him along” isn’t said out of politeness or an expectation that your h would come along and look after his son while the other adults have a drink ?

They’re telling you to bring him along because else you won’t go. That doesn’t mean that they enjoy being around a child it means they’re tolerating it so they can see you.