Feeling protective of my DC

Daisy Chain was rage-baiting I think.

Except we as humans work as a society and it's pretty shitty to never want to include children. That's not how life works.

People who bang on about how annoying kids are are up there with people who don't have a TV and the polyamorous for mistaking their personal preferences for fascinating character traits. So irritating and boring. For comparison, imagine someone who made a point of saying how much they don't like old people and then expected a pat on the back for it. Awful.

I would not stand for friends being rude to my children in my home, not for one minute. For the rest, I would be firm about not attending events where your children are not going to be welcome. If they say they won't go ahead without you, that's their choice.

They sound like dicks. I have a friend who hates kids, complains about them being on trains/aeroplanes and never wants his own. He will politely chat to mine, brings thoughtful gifts and is interested in them... as they are mine. Just like I'm interested in his partners issues and work stuff. He's my friend. If he behaved like yours do I would have stopped bothering with him as it would be clear we weren't really friends.

The thing is we don’t know if these friends are being “unpleasant” to OP’s child or if she just has an unrealistic view that everyone should spend every second pandering to her child and viewing them as she does.

The truth is parents think their children are the best thing since sliced bread but other people just don’t. So they could be saying hello and spending a few minutes interacting which is more than acceptable but OP thinks this is rude because the whole event isn’t spent watching them and commenting how amazing they are or constantly interacting with them.

Fair enough, I apologise, it was meant to be a bit tongue-in-cheek. They are entirely stereotypical though.

I wouldn't be friends with people who are openly unpleasant to a child, children exist whether they like it or not

What horrible "friends" you got OP! I love kids but I'm not keen on dogs for ex. Well, I'm still polite and give my friends' dog some attention if they bring them because I know they are important to them.

No there isn’t a correlation there. Enough with the only child stereotypes.

Your friends don’t sound very nice.

I work with a couple of women who are anti-children & they can be quite unpleasant. Interestingly they are both quite selfish & only children (ie no siblings) themselves. So don’t know if there’s a correlation there!

My actual friends who are childless, ask after the DC in the same way that we ask after each others partners, parents & pets. The one time I had to take the youngest along to a meet up they were polite & friendly for the 30 mins until DH could collect her. They might have breathed a sigh of relief when she went, but they didn’t do it out loud! Because they’re nice people - which is why I have them as friends.

Well, don’t.
Your life has changed. Your priorities have changed. If they won’t go ahead without you, that’s their problem, not yours!

Life changes when you have kids!

And stop imposing yours on friends who don’t wish to spend time with you whilst you’re distracted and they are being distracted by a young child. They don’t want that and have apparently made that abundantly clear. You either accept it or not, but stop trying to get your own way against everyone else’s wishes!

I can see why they didn't take kindly to you turning up to a gathering of people who don't like children with your child tbh. What on earth made you think that he would be a welcome addition? How they behave in your home though is completely unacceptable. And equally I can't understand what they're thinking in visiting you if they feel that strongly. Sounds to me that these are friendships best 'on hold' during your child raising years if not permanently.

Love this post, exactly how things went with me too.
As much as we want to hold on to friendships, sometimes major life changes also mean our priorities change and so do we as people. Your worrying OP about how to get it right but from what you have said, friend is not.

@StartleBright "Find people who celebrate you as you change and grow, not those who want to fossilize you to justify their own life choices."

Permission to frame this? 😍😊👏

They could be suffering from infertility and pretending not to want / like children as it's too painful to be around them?

And I’m not a complete grump btw. I entertained a young toddler on an hour long bus journey the other day not because I wanted to, I would much rather have read my book, but because he was very active and his Mother was clearly struggling.

You might not but some parents seem to. Hence all the salivating over their children being swept up and fussed over by restaurant staff(Who have a vested interest in pleasing you) It seems that anything less than parading the child around like a mini deity means that people in the UK hate children.

It’s amusing considering how many posts I’ve seen on MN from parents ready to bite off an elderly stranger’s head because they dared to coo over their baby.

Also yes they’re people but I don’t interact with every single adult that I see though they’re also people.

I wonder if it’s the people who see their child as an extension of themselves(A strange and unhealthy attitude imo) and who expect people to fawn all over their child (in spite of their protests that they don’t) who struggle most with supposedly child unfriendly attitudes in the UK aka expecting you to make an attempt to ensure that your child isn’t running wild or making excessive unnecessary noise. My friends who have children don’t seem to find it especially child unfriendly just because everyone else isn’t falling to their knees to worship their child.

I also regularly see plenty of people offering to help with prams and smiling and entertaining babies on public transport.

I wish our attitudes were different. Children are just little people and they deserve respect and acknowledgement. Unfortunately we seem to be living with the remnants of Victorian attitudes that children should be seen not heard. Like obviously discipline your children, but expecting kids to act exactly like adults is ridiculous!