Aibu to want men to walk in front

Please don't tarnish what I've posted by suggesting I, or others, are man-hating. That's offensive.

I don't hate men. I just fear what they could be/do. There's a massive difference.

Years ago, I was walking back to my flat at around 2-3am after getting off a night bus when I lived in London. There was a young man walking behind me, quite close, nobody else about.

I crossed the road and carried on walking. He shouted out 'Oh for fuck's sake, what do you think I'm going to do?' I said 'I just need to be on this side of the road' and he said 'Who'd want to rape you anyway?'

I hadn't actually been worried about rape in the first place; I'd been thinking more of mugging. But there you go.

DH says he crosses over, so he can overtake on the other side. Or says something like: Excuse me! Don't mean to startle you. I'm in a hurry - just going to overtake, if that's okay.'

A couple of times I have had men say in a friendly voice - 'just crossing over the road as I don't want to scare you by walking behind you' or similar. It always makes me feel reassured when they do.

I was walking in a wooded area I visited regularly when a man coming towards me stopped me and asked me if I realised there was another man following me. I was not even sure if I should be suspicious of the man who was alerting me to the one supposedly following me (who i did catch a glimpse of behind me).

It was very disorientating and I don't know what the answer is. I never went back after that and it was a beautiful quiet spot that I loved.

If someone is in front of you, you can see them: see what they are up to, how they are carrying themselves. If they are behind you can't. Of course it is normal for a woman to prefer a male stranger to be ahead of her not behind her in a dark or isolated place. It's easier to assess and react to danger if you can spot it.

I've discussed with my brother and my DP, and male friends, before. They're all aware that their presence might make a lone woman feel uneasy in certain locations, but aren't always sure of the right thing to do in that situation. For instance, my brother says that while sometimes it's really easy just to pass by naturally, sometimes it can mean speeding up in quite an obvious way as he walks behind her in order to overtake, and how is the woman then going to know that he's speeding up to pass her, rather than to get close enough to her to grab her?

I'm aware of this. I'm a woman but a big stompy one and so I avoid walking behind other women - or say something if I want to pass so they can tell by my voice.

Any man with an ounce of decency or respect would recognise this situation. If I’m walking in the dark and I’m behind a woman or a man I will, if I can, cross over to the other side or overtake them quickly giving a wide berth. There can be nothing worse than having to worry about who’s behind you. I’m 6ft + and sturdy so I don’t worry but others seeing my shadow might. It’s all about thinking about others - it’s not hard.

Not wishing to derail, but can you take some comfort/reassurance from the fact you have your dog with you?

I genuinely don't worry about these things at all. I don't know if this is a good or bad thing?

Actually I have been followed by two men in late in the evening who took great amusement in repeatedly crossing the road to stay behind me, and kept talking in really loud voices about "she thinks we're up to something"

I have had men pass me saying "I'm not up to anything, love" or similar in quite a pointed fashion

I did have a man say "I'm not comfortable with you following me either" I had to point out I wasn't going to be following him, I was just going about my business

Over the course of 30 odd years walking by myself yes I have come across these men

I think (shockingly) that many men have no idea how scary it is for women when they do that. They should know by now, but I continue to meet men who are just clueless about womens experiences of the world.

Well, that was my point. Women are very aware of being bodies in space shared by other people, whether that’s sharing an armrest or a lane at the swimming pool, being told to smile by a stranger on the street, or potentially being subject to an attack. Men generally don’t have to have anywhere near that kind of awareness.

Reading this thread just highlights how threatened women feel for their personal safety. I avoid woods and anywhere remote when walking the dog .I really don’t know how things will change.

You know how some men will just stare fixedly at you? It's like that. Some men just enjoy making you uncomfortable, giving you a bit of a scare.. They're just having a laugh.

And @HorrorFan81’s post directly after yours demonstrates how men with a modicum of awareness can deal with this terrible ‘issue’ without ‘being afraid’ (as a previous poster suggested - FFS 😂) or having to inconvenience themselves in any way.

It’s really not difficult.

If I see a lonely female and it's possible I would cross to the other side of the road.
If they are in front and on a single track I would probably walk slower to let them get some distance.
If not possible I would give as wide a berth as possible and try to let them know I was there.
I think most decent thinking men are aware that this is an issue. It's often difficult to know what is the right thing to do.

I stop dead and force them to pass. I often pretend to be looking at something on my phone but not always.

I like to keep strange men where I can see them, thank you very much,

Will have a look at the Hollie ap. 🙂

Is it common anywhere? Genuinely, because I'm not frightened of being alone. The only places I don't like at night are cities

My DH goes out walking / running alot on secluded paths and is super aware of not making lone women feel uncomfortable. Crossing the road if possible, if not he will make an effort to overtake whilst announcing himself loudly 'coming through on your left' type thing. It should be common sense for men to do this i reckon

It's an issue. DS gets off the bus, finds himself behind a lone woman, crosses the road, and again finds himself behind a lone woman. He understands, but also wants to go home, or get to work.

Thats not what they are doing at all. Please don’t accuse posters of shaming women just because they have disagreed with a point of view. I also don’t think it’s a fair view and most certainly am not shaming anyone.

How would they know why you crossed a road?
In what way are they aggressive