Aibu to want men to walk in front

This happened to me. I am 5.10 and was wearing jeans and sneakers and walk fast, ended up behind a young woman in an underpass, could see she was trying to see "out of the corner of her eye" who was behind her. I realised she was afraid and coughed, she then did look back with an absolute look of total relief. If I realised from her body language, any guy would too.

Years ago some friends and I commented about having our house key between our clenched fist, ready to slash some guys face who was walking behind us if he tried anything, late in the dark. One of the males there was very surprised. So we just said, ask your mother, your sisters, your daughter, they won´t be surprised.

He did apologise, and overtook, but why he was literally walking in my footsteps is beyond me.

This has happened to me often enough that I now firmly believe they do it on purpose.

They can't be that socially clueless that they think it's normal to walk closely behind a line woman in woods / other isolated places.

And you can bet they don't do it to men!

Are they not statistically more likely to be attacked?

Maybe, statistically, there's less awareness of dangers/different risk assessment in men especially young men which is part of the reason for that.

It’s more complicated than that. Women are far more likely to be the victims of violent crime, domestic abuse, stalking, harassment, and sexual assault. Men are more likely to be victims of assault by a perpetrator who isn’t known to them.

I do this when walking alone, particular at night on the path through the woods. I’m not scared, but just realistic and sensible.

Simply stop to the side and let them overtake.
I don’t try and hide it, and maybe subconsciously I want them to realise what I am doing so they understand.

I think most Men are oblivious, not taking much notice of who is around them (because they can afford to be). Once pointed out, decent men understand.

Are they not statistically more likely to be attacked?

I take it you don't live in a village then. I'd rarely be able to leave my home if I only felt safe in well lit areas with other people around.

Or any isolated area & yes it's sad I think like that. Predators & opportunists hang out in isolated places ether to attack or steal even in 'nice' areas where a bag or phone is often worth more to them. It's better to be safe than sorry & stick to well lit areas where there are always other people around.

My sons and husband are aware and do their best to not intimidate women. However they also don't have to apologise for their existence and compromise their own safety or activities because some men are a risk. I told them this as I was concerned they were too aware and careful. If they happen to leave after you, they may be behind you. Let them overtake if you're worried. A man who doesn't just continue about their walk and waits to stay behind is more concerning though.

I always feel like an anomaly on these threads as I spend about 5/6 hours a day alone outdoors and often come across random men - it's never occurred to me to be worried about any of them!

Does he blame the women for their fear or the minority of men who cause that fear? Maybe you didn't mean to sound like you're blaming the women but that's how it comes across.

That's rather a broad brush you're painting all men with.

Maybe you mean "some men don't know" and "some men don't understand" and "some men can't understand". Most men are not stupid. Walking through life believing all men can't understand why they might make women nervous must be exhausting.

The issue is that men don't know how intimidating they can be - even when they're not doing anything. I think the majority of men would do what they could to put us at ease if they understood, but they don't, and can't.

I wasn't suggesting your were, but I was predicting suggesting that others would be.

That’s fine when there is the space to move into or roads to cross, but it doesn’t really work on the kind of narrow woodland paths that I’m imagining the OP is on. If there isn’t enough room for two people to pass comfortably, I think the onus is on the person in front to move aside when there’s an opportunity, otherwise I think a move like the one you describe could come across as rather aggressive.

There is no way I'd be walking alone in woods at anytime of day or night regardless of having a dog with me or not.

I always stop and pretend I need to sort something out until they’ve walked passed me

I think this is unfair, seems pretty reasonable that it might not occur to an innocent, law abiding man that walking behind someone could cause distress. In particular, it is unreasonable to expect them to somehow take evasive action to avoid ever being behind someone. What would like look like exactly? I’m thinking the OP might be a rather slow walker if this is a regular problem for her.

I’m a very fast walker and usually end up being the one behind other people. There’s always an awkward few minutes as I approach them and wonder how to navigate it on a narrow path. Obviously the bloke in the OP should have just passed the OP when she suggested it, however it sounds like the OP was not clear about what she wanted. Perhaps the guy though he was being polite by letting the OP go first or something.

I imagine if the OP had stepped well to the side, said please go on I’m taking it slow today, and then simply waited until he passed her, it would have been fine. Just be decisive.

I do this as a runner and fast walker when I'm approaching anyone from behind.
It's about not making anyone jump, especially if they have a dog. It's just polite.

With my older son the conversation did indeed focus on him being in a city and him being in the situation, with my younger son it's more about how he should behave when he's in the situation. He's not roaming around at night.

I don't blame you for not liking that. I always stand to the side with my back to a wall or whatever is there, and watch them walk by.

What type of dog do you have? I have a German Shepherd and she hates anyone behind us too, so that helps to make sure they go past.

That's fine if you're walking on a road. Doesn't work if you're walking along a narrow footpath or by a canal or something where there is nowhere to cross over to.

I was once out on a deserted heathland with young DC and stopped by a woman who looked alarmed, and said 'There's a very weird-looking man back there who is hanging around and keeps staring at you and your children. I've been keeping an eye on him for you but I really thought you should know.'

The weird man was DH who had stopped to look at a rare bird and was trying to catch our attention so we would come back and see it, without shouting to disturb the bird!

I have a male friend who says out loud "hi, I'm behind you, I'm just going to speed up a bit and pass you so you can see me".

Then he does exactly that, without stopping and turning/expecting a "thank you".

It's a lovely way of not expecting the woman to come up with the solution or pretend to tie shoelaces and it is showing his awareness that as a man he could be seen as a threat. He does a lot of hiking and walking and has been thanked many times by women who say it has made them feel tlreally relieved and safe.