Aibu to want men to walk in front

If I'm walking slowly I don't expect people behind to match my speed. I don't hog the pathway, they can then overtake without nipping my heels.

I've always found it annoying when people do that. I kind of assumed they thought you were listening to their conversations or thought you wanted to overtake.

When people step aside expecting you to walk ahead of them it looks like they think you are being impolite and if I ever thought they didn't think that I've thought they were being impolite.

Just walk people

To answer your original post OP, yes we're aware of the issue, or at least most of us are I think.

Part of my walk home from work involves walking down a dark path. I've mentioned on other threads before about steps I'll try and take to indicate I'm not a threat. I'll take a different route if I can to avoid following, or cross the road before passing. I make sure I smile and say Hello to women coming the other way. If none of the above is an option and I'm still a distance from them then I'll sometimes wait and bugger about on my phone for 5 minutes so that they can get some distance. I've even "phoned my DP" to let her know I'll be there in 5 minutes, because hopefully that gives an indication that I'm not just following you.

The situation you've described is quite an awkward one OP. Generally my inclination would be to hang back, but I'm quite a fast walker so would likely end up catching up anyway. So I'd probably end up getting fairly close and asking if I could pass you. That's made people jump though in the past. The fact that the guy you mentioned didn't take the opportunity to pass you when you stopped does seem odd though..

Walk faster on the other side of the path making it clear that you are moving around and onwards.
I've noticed a few men in my town actually crossing the road if they end up behind me. We both still end up in Asda, but it's just an extremely thoughtful thing to do, I find.

I guess it depends how wide the woodland pathways are. It should be up to him though to gather speed, or even say excuse me, just passing.
I agree, any man that slows behind to the same speed will appear creepy!

I have occassionally made people (usually women) jump if I go round a corner quickly when I'm running. If it's dark I normally try to allow space if I'm passing someone, I might even say, I'm just passing on your left etc, if it's a lone woman.

However once running along a main ish (lit) road that I rarely meet anyone along. I saw a man ahead and I was getting closer but feeling a bit nervous about passing them (the path is narrow with a farm on one side and no pavement on opposite side of the road)
Once I was close I saw it was a tween/teen boy - similar age to my own DS at the time, and felt a lot less uneasy, I think I probably scared him more.

He doesn't need to fear being attacked by a woman though, does he? It's not man-hating to be cognisant and aware of the increased risks that women face.

I am yes. That’s what I’m saying. I can feel the breeze of them running by as I plod along. No the path isn’t narrow. Yes the park is dark but not so dark they can’t see me.

I also hate hearing footsteps behind me, even in town in broad daylight, but I've got good reason to feel like that (I'll spare you the details). Interesting that so many women who have never been attacked feel the same. What a sad world we live in.

I have given a "not my Nigel" response in response to those saying "men don't understand".

NAMALT works both ways.

That sounds really odd.
You're saying a man will walk or run behind you until they are so close they have to swerve to get past you, rather than see someone ahead and gradually move to the side to pass? Is the path really narrow? Is the park really dark?

Yes men are far more likely to be attacked outside the home than women. Men who are not predators are all keeping tabs on the threat to them- other men such that they don’t really pay attention to women around them.

I prefer isolated, dark spots with no people in them. It’s people who are the danger and they tend to be in cities and well lighted, popular areas.

Isn't there just? We know NAMALT. But enough of them are to make us nervous on certain scenarios.

There's a lot of 'not my Nigel' on this thread

The idea that a man walking in front is any less of a threat than a man walking behind is completely irrational.

How do you think ambushes operate? The attacker walks ahead, he lies in wait and then he pounces. There’s that man up north that was just convicted for dozens of sexual assaults- he would hide in an underpass along a foot path then jump out, tackle and sexually assault young women and school girls as they went by.

I understand you feel fear and want to feel safe- but demanding men to walk ahead of you when it objectively doesn’t make you any safer, is as good as making the hand signal to ward off the evil eye or tossing a handful of salt over your shoulder.

Too by making an issue of it to their face as some have naively suggested might piss them off enough to think about attacking you or maybe doing a jump scare to teach you a lesson for implying they were stalking you.

For what it's worth, amidst all the man-hating stereotyping that will no doubt arise on this thread, my DF is afraid to walk near women due to his own fear of being accused or thought of being intimidating.

It’s about bloody time that men thought about other people around them! And it’s about bloody time they realised that every single one of them has a role to play in keeping women safe and feeling safe. I’m sorry but I can only muster the tiniest of violins for that “fear”.

Men are afraid that women will think badly of them.

Women are afraid that men will kill them.

Christ, are you really saying a man out for a walk is the same as manspreading?

If you're that scared of men I don't know how you function in the world 🙄

As a teenager I had a male friend that told me he always crossed the road if he saw a lone woman ahead which really struck me as kind.

Maybe something to suggest to your sons if you have one? It’s a small thing but it does make a difference.

I jumped out of my skin when walking my dog in the dark. A man came round a sharp corner toward me. I hadn't expected anyone to be there, and l jumped and made a noise. He laughed at me! I think this demonstrates the different ways women and men move around the world.

Judging by the men who walk or run up really close behind me before swerving only at the last second to pass me on my (dark at this time of year) walk through the park home, making me jump out of my skin sometimes, I’d say not many.

Lots of men are aware not to walk behind women, but it sounds like the place you walk makes it hard for this to happen?

Even as a woman I wouldn't walk closely behind anyone in a rural area, especially when we're bundled up in coats, hats, it's hard to tell men from women in low light.

I really don't worry- and have got to the age of 70 without encountering the problems so many women have. I live in a village and have always walked my dogs in the fields and woods - it never occurs to me to be afraid of the men I encounter.

A couple of times I've turned into my road, long fence, not well lit and suddenly been aware, of a shadow of, or a man behind and it makes me uneasy if it's dark. I slow down and let them go ahead . The other day it was a neighbour who I know. I think he could probably have recognised me from behind, (easier than I could recognise him from a shadow!) If he'd said hi, it would have been a lot less unnerving!

The other day I collected teen DS from an activity. I parked in a carpark which has a hedge along 2 sides. I parked in the middle of the carpark, next to another car, under a light. DS couldn't understand why I didn't park by the hedge where there were loads more spaces. DH was surprised too, and hadn't thought why I might park where I did!

The impact, though, is ultimately that a young man with recent experience of himself or a friend being a victim of a random mugging or phone snatching - incredibly common in cities at the moment - is understandably going to be far more preoccupied with, and have more at the forefront of his mind, his own safety and belongings than the feelings of the random woman a hundred metres in front of him of him, and is probably going to be less responsive to preempting her feelings in terms of e.g. crossing over onto the other, shadowy, side of the street. Police advice to avoid muggings and phone snatching is, unfortunately, sometimes at direct odds with how many women would prefer men to behave when walking in the streets, which is another tricky layer.

How do you expect people to always go past you? should every man who see a woman ahead and sprint to pass her by, which could be alarming also.