DH behaved horribly on his birthday

There is no pro/con when it comes to safe/unsafe.

You choose immediate safety for yourself and your children. You choose to be out of the abuse you have been victim to and that your children have experienced and/or witnessed. There is nothing else to consider. This house is a lifeline, a jumping off point to your better future. It doesn’t have to have a perfect garden.

The biggest plus in its box is the lack of horrible abusive man inside it. What else matters right now!?

This must feel like a life changing decision - because it is - but you’ve been handed a gift here. From the pro’s, I think even with half the pro’s versus cons you’ll be in a better situation if you take it. You can make it your own, and doing it up can become a focus for you and the kids, to help you all heal and have a safe warm home of your own. And it doesn’t have to be forever if you don’t like it - but it will get you out of the clutches of your husband, with an opportunity to rebuild.

@RainbowStriped I would accept the house you've been offered and then try to get something more suitable later on.

I think it is perfectly valid to want to live closer to your child's school. And if you had concerns about the new property being unsafe, for example, black mould on the walls, then yes, that would be a valid reason to not want to move into it.

But if you're complaining about the garden or your general impression of the neighbourhood, most people are going to assume that you are not actually being domestically abused, because if you were you would be desperate to move.

You can’t prioritise his feelings anymore. He doesn’t prioritise yours.

You are trained up in the art of accommodating him for an apparently easier life but it’s time to prioritise you and the dc now.

Please don’t be that person! Your post lacks any sort of empathy of what the OP is going through. Her whole life (and her children’s) is about to change! Making a well thought out decision based on facts and taking time to do it, is the right thing to do!

I think that's extremely harsh when her whole world is turning upside down and his won't

And he has family support and she has no-one

Your terrible mistake is not to get out of the marriage, and protect your DC from more abuse. You have been offered so much advice on how you might do this, and how you might be able to stay put but you don’t acknowledge this.

It won’t be easy, you’ll feel like shit I dare say , it won’t be amicable but it’ll be the start of a new life. It’s easier to spend hours agonising here though.

Oh Come on.
She's got a very tight deadline to weigh up all the pros and cons.
She's allowed to talk it through and get views, before she takes that leap of faith.
That's not ungrateful that's sensible.

You have a house to go to. A new home.
You've been offered an older, solid house.
Not good enough for you though. You'd like your pick of houses would you?
I can't fathom how you are so fussy and ungrateful.

We often get paralysed by indecision because the ‘right’ option isn’t out there. But choices are rarely permanent. You make the best of it, then if necessary you do something better. You take the least worst course of action, and improve things as and when you can.

It’s the best choice for right now. in future there will be better options so look forward to those!

No idea but I realised straightaway and tried to change it then

Maybe MNHQ have changed it, @comeondover - I have changed my vote in the past, but just checked, and I can't change it now. Or maybe it's like editing, and you can only change your vote for 15 minutes after voting?

I did. I jabbed at my phone but nothing happened

I understand getting cold feet when confronted with the reality of moving out. If you refuse this house, how likely are you to receive another offer? Although it would be great if your husband left your current house, is that realistic?

In your shoes, I would take the house you have been offered. The garden looks fine, you can easily make it very nice indeed. The location sounds preferable, especially as you don't drive. Your elder child will probably appreciate the perks of town living as well. But most importantly, you and your children will be safely removed from the abusive environment you're now living in.

@RainbowStriped

Picture your current garden with his nasty abusive arse parked in it. Now picture the raggedy new garden without his nasty abusive arse in it.

I know which one I'd prefer.

That isn't as bad as you think it is. It is winter after all and most gardens in winter are not at their best.

Also if you have astroturf in your current garden, of course it's going to look pristine at the worst times of the year. It's artificial. Something could be done for your child to help by getting a trampoline set up quickly. The fences/boundaries in the garden could be sorted in due course but the trampoline could be set up quite quickly I'd imagine.

Did you try?

You can actually change your vote.

Hi op have you explained situation to your HA , as home is adapted for son, they may be able to support your xh to move out by offering him a one bed flat somewhere??, advice would be helpful from them, please ask them 🙏

That's because of the unknown OP.
You don't know if it's a good thing or not, moving out of the mh.

WA helped my friend to get out of the house she shared with her abusive partner while professionals got him out.
His family owned the house, my friend still paid rent and she was able to stay in the home (despite the bad memories there) as it was stable for the children.

As for taking the first thing that comes along, I was bullied into taking a property in a rough area. One kitchen window was broken and there were exposed wires here there and everywhere. I'd signed the contract and had the keys but it didn't feel right so I spoke with my housing officer (we were in emergency accommodation through the council) and I was able to give the keys back. Contract made null and void and I moved closer to where I wanted to be.

If you really don't want to move out then speak to WA again about how to get him out and keep you in.
You're the wife, the mother. You should be able to keep the house.

But a fresh start could be just the ticket.
That garden is amazing. So much potential. I don't have green fingers but I'd love to have a crack at that. Involve the oldest?

Good luck again

Is it more or less of a terrible mistake than staying with your abusive husband? Respectfully, because I can’t imagine how hard it must be, if he’s as awful as your posts say then I think you’re projecting on the house / area / garden to avoid confronting the reality that it means the end of your marriage. This house, and the area, may not be perfect, but it’s safe for you and your children in a way that your current house is not

This all must seem so daunting for you! It’s so tough!

I would take the council house. Location long term is better and it will be yours, entirely yours.

The garden is sortable.