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DH behaved horribly on his birthday

889 replies

RainbowStriped · 06/02/2025 09:23

Long post - It was DHs birthday recently and his behaviour on the day itself was awful. The day before he had been picking fights and escalating arguments then decided his birthday had been ruined.

The day itself - in the morning I made him a coffee and wished him happy birthday. I said let’s have a fresh start today and he’s got lots to look forward to. He still insisted the day was ruined.

Got the kids ready for school, made another coffee and said to him let’s drink this then if you like you can open all your cards and presents. He said - well I’m starving, I need to eat, I thought you would have organised a special breakfast before (!) the kids went to school but nothings been done. Now DH literally never eats breakfast, he doesn’t eat until 1pm and always says how breakfast is pointless. He mentioned how much fuss I give the children on their birthday mornings and make homemade pancakes, eggs etc. (Yes I do and only when they are off school) He said he would have to go out for breakfast now. Nothing has been organised for him. (He drove me to the point of lunacy where I ended up screaming into a pillow!) So basically we were going for a 3 course meal at 12pm so I was taken aback that he wanted to go out for a cooked breakfast. He got up and announced that he would have to make do with a McDonald’s breakfast, am I coming or what? Not to rock the boat further I joined him.

Came home, laid out all his gifts and cards, balloons, banners etc. I have never seen anyone look more miserable opening presents before. A couple of the clothes I bought him he instantly said no I can’t wear that, I hate the feel of them. Made fun of a book I ordered him (it was a self published book) and generally looked underwhelmed. (I spent quite a bit on him)

Drove to the meal - we were quite early and we passed a supermarket on the way. He said - am I going to have to buy my own birthday cake then? He knew it had been sorted but I couldn’t say too much as it was a special cake. He then moaned that there was nothing in the house to eat that evening, no cream and ice cream to go with the cake, no treats, nothings been done. He asked are we having an evening buffet and I said no, we are having a big meal and lots of birthday cake, I didn’t think he wanted a big buffet too? (He knows he’s having a separate party soon in our house with a big buffet) He stormed into the supermarket saying nothings been done and he would have to sort everything 😠

Meal -he had a face like a slapped arse when we walked in (meeting family) family asked me what was up with him. He sat in silence for most of the meal saying that nobody was bothered to talk to him, glared at me saying I was ignoring him (I was happily chatting to his family and making an effort to dispel the weird atmosphere. His family asked what we were doing tonight and he looked me dead in the eye and said well nothings been organised. I said we were doing something in a few days at home(buffet etc) He didn’t mention that and made out I wasn’t bothered to organise anything. He bucked up a bit when the cake came out and looked happier.

Evening - our kids watched him open his other gifts (from friends and family) he was dismissive of most of them and again made fun of the gifts I bought him (he refused to give me any ideas or hints about what he might actually want) Our kids said OMG Dad, you are so ungrateful! Mum (and others) has spent all this money on you and you should appreciate all your gifts. He moaned that i hadn’t put a banner on our front door.

Eventually, late into the evening he thanked me for all the gifts and wanted to cuddle up on the sofa. He also asked - are you going to do a loving Facebook post wishing me a happy birthday? Am I fuck! Essentially he acted like a gigantic entitled knob. His excuse was that he goes into a black hole on his birthday due to him being estranged from his Dad and not receiving a birthday card etc.

His behaviour was so awful and twattish that it made me feel physically ill. I honestly feel like he is driving me towards a nervous breakdown.

OP posts:
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BonhomieNorthener · 07/02/2025 17:56

JustWantsSomeSleep · 06/02/2025 09:27

Oh God I know this person. Not your partner mind. Just don’t bother in future he doesn’t sound worth the effort.

I think it's completely unreasonable of you to stay married to this manchild. Consult a solicitor and make sure you get compensated well for putting up with this nonsense! Also he's obviously having an affair and wanted to create the conditions that he could storm off and be with them.

CorEckIsLike · 07/02/2025 17:55

wizzywig · 06/02/2025 09:39

Well I'd decorate the front door with a 'welcome home from work' banner. See if shein/ temu have a neon light with the same message. Can you order a daily marching band for when he comes home from work? Buy a red carpet and roll it out for his majesty. I'd do the red carpet for a laugh. Dont let him get out of the car til you roll it out.

😂😂 this cracked me up after feeling spectacularly shit all day

CorEckIsLike · 07/02/2025 17:53

All I can say I a WOW what a massive bellend, and I hope your ok. No way in hell I would put up with that childish petulant behaviour. How old was he 5?

YoNoHeSido77 · 07/02/2025 17:50

GreenTeaLikesMe · 06/02/2025 09:26

I don’t understand how this post is even possible. Surely it’s illegal to be married to a 5yo?

I was confused too. This is spoilt child behaviour, not adult.

MsPavlichenko · 07/02/2025 14:07

RainbowStriped · 06/02/2025 21:26

Oh no. Our cupboards and fridge was full of food. Just not the very specific items that he decided he suddenly wanted on the morning of his birthday. He also knew that I had planned a buffet for another day. I wasn’t limiting him to only one meal.

All the time you are wasting on thinking, thinking again, posting on stuff like this would be better spent on trying to progress getting away. That stuff about what he said or ate or didn’t is beside the point. Symptoms of the problem. Problem being he is an abuser.

You could get him out, an interdict would keep him away, if he didn’t he can be lifted by the police. WA might not be able to put you in a refuge but they can help with this. I know you want a move, but you can get him out while you wait. A new house won’t in any case stop him being abusive necessarily, that’s why you need legal and other support. Councillors and MPs can help you with piling pressure on the council re this so contact them.

I too have a severely disabled ( now adult ) child, so I understand the extra difficulties, but all the more reason to get the fucker out.

Cattery · 07/02/2025 13:31

@Twaddlepip Nothing you can do will talk them down. You’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t. It’s a toxic situation

Twaddlepip · 07/02/2025 13:14

Cattery · 07/02/2025 13:13

I have. He’s a complete bastard so fuck his birthday off out of it. You can’t appease these people

Not always a safe move.

Cattery · 07/02/2025 13:13

I have. He’s a complete bastard so fuck his birthday off out of it. You can’t appease these people

Twaddlepip · 07/02/2025 13:11

Cattery · 07/02/2025 13:04

@AliasGrape She has said “he always kicks off around his birthday”. Why push the agenda on him then

He is a perpetrator of domestic violence. Read the entire thread.

Cattery · 07/02/2025 13:04

@AliasGrape She has said “he always kicks off around his birthday”. Why push the agenda on him then

AliasGrape · 07/02/2025 12:37

Cattery · 07/02/2025 12:31

The way he behaved was almost like he thought you were taking the piss out of him. I assume you knew his past and him associating birthdays with bad memories regarding his father. Why did you then push and push for his birthday to be so special ie banners, meal, cake etc if you knew his birthdays make him feel uncomfortable and induce such rage?

I think you need a little work on your reading comprehension - maybe try reading at least all of OP’s posts on the thread before weighing in with something like this.

Cattery · 07/02/2025 12:31

The way he behaved was almost like he thought you were taking the piss out of him. I assume you knew his past and him associating birthdays with bad memories regarding his father. Why did you then push and push for his birthday to be so special ie banners, meal, cake etc if you knew his birthdays make him feel uncomfortable and induce such rage?

Originblueberry · 07/02/2025 06:26

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Peaceandquietandacuppa · 06/02/2025 23:02

RainbowStriped · 06/02/2025 21:30

Thank you. Yes they did mention a non-mol order but they also mentioned that the perpetrator can view the family home as “theirs” and harass/demand entry etc. I also know that he would use it against me that I took his home away from him and I could imagine him pushing boundaries and wanting to come back. A fresh start somewhere completely mine feels safer and healthier. No memories (good or bad) a clean slate for me and the children.

Can you contact your local MP? We did during our time as homeless and it helped. Show the MP the letter from women’s aid.

WigglyVonWaggly · 06/02/2025 21:43

He’s a spoiled, ungrateful, unpleasant man-brat. I’m sad you were treated like this after all you tried to do.

RainbowStriped · 06/02/2025 21:30

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Thank you. Yes they did mention a non-mol order but they also mentioned that the perpetrator can view the family home as “theirs” and harass/demand entry etc. I also know that he would use it against me that I took his home away from him and I could imagine him pushing boundaries and wanting to come back. A fresh start somewhere completely mine feels safer and healthier. No memories (good or bad) a clean slate for me and the children.

OP posts:
RainbowStriped · 06/02/2025 21:26

FasilBalti · 06/02/2025 21:05

He's a prick but limiting an adult to one meal on his birthday is weird. Your cupboards and fridge were empty? Nothing to eat at all or was he exaggerating?

Oh no. Our cupboards and fridge was full of food. Just not the very specific items that he decided he suddenly wanted on the morning of his birthday. He also knew that I had planned a buffet for another day. I wasn’t limiting him to only one meal.

OP posts:
Cabella · 06/02/2025 21:23

Maybe the birthday boy/man child's dad could be contacted next year and could send him a card? Then he could moan about you not buying him anything?

FasilBalti · 06/02/2025 21:05

He's a prick but limiting an adult to one meal on his birthday is weird. Your cupboards and fridge were empty? Nothing to eat at all or was he exaggerating?

2025willbemytime · 06/02/2025 20:55

You'll learn when you chose to.

ChillWith · 06/02/2025 20:35

Who did you go out to dinner with apart from your kids? Was his dad there? It's very odd behaviour. And what's with a buffet as well? Will there be different people at that?
He's likely behaving the way he did at the age his dad left. I'm guessing his mum overcompensated for his birthdays after that and so he has this anger plus unrealistic and unfair expectations of you and the kids. He needs his birthday gifts returned in exchange for counselling and an ultimatum that you and kids are off if he doesn't do them. What do you want?

Originblueberry · 06/02/2025 20:15

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RainbowStriped · 06/02/2025 20:13

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No, a civil injunction wasn’t mentioned? What is that please?

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Originblueberry · 06/02/2025 20:13

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