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AIBU?

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To ask DH to be home by 11 during the week

58 replies

coverp · 06/02/2025 09:12

DH has a hobby. He likes to do this hobby as often as possible. He does it around 1 weekend day per month, plus another day a week during school holidays (he's a teacher). He also does on average one evening a week - more in the spring/summer when it's light and less in the winter. This works ok for me, although it is far more "me time" than I get.

We have 3 children under 5, including an 8mo baby. We have a great bedtime routine with them - they're usually all asleep/settled in their rooms by 7.30. The baby still sleeps downstairs with us (in a pram) until I go up to bed - she's usually quite unsettled until around 10/10.30 then sleeps well the rest of the night after a final feed.

I work 2 days in the office and 2 days at home. My 2 office days involve a 2-3hr commute each way, and I have to leave the house by 5.30am. I'm very tired at the end of these days.

DH has started "asking" to do his hobby on the evenings before my early start. He often doesn't get home until midnight or later, which means that either he wakes us up coming in (9/10 times) or I wait up until he gets back to head to bed.

I've asked that on the nights before I have an early start, that if he wants to go out, that he's back for 11. My preference would be that he chooses one of the other 5 nights to do the hobby, but hey ho, I thought this was a good compromise. He's begrudgingly agreed but given it all the eye rolling and muttering "not sure it's even worth going then".

Am I really being so unreasonable here?

OP posts:
Doggymummar · 06/02/2025 09:26

That commute is mad! What hobby goes on till midnight? Sounds like you are too accommodating to me

wlv12 · 06/02/2025 09:24

I’m genuinely baffled that people have voted that you’re unreasonable!

Dishwashersaurous · 06/02/2025 09:24

But more fundamentally your set up and commute is not sustainable.

Can you get a new job, or move so you don't have a six hour round trip commute?

Dishwashersaurous · 06/02/2025 09:23

Is there any way he can get back in without waking you up?

So you just go to bed.

If not, then obviously he has to be home.

Glorybox2025 · 06/02/2025 09:21

Which 4 people think you're being unreasonable?? What a selfish dick he is.

soarklyknobs · 06/02/2025 09:19

You have a 2-3hr commute EACH WAY, have to be out at 5:30am and he wants to wake you and three small DC up at midnight?

I take it you're the main breadwinner OP and you're not just working for fun money 🙄

Tell him you've realised that he's right, having to come home by 11pm doesn't make it worth it for him and you're looking forward to having him home to share the parenting duties with you on those nights instead.

CF doesn't know how good he's got it.

JustWantsSomeSleep · 06/02/2025 09:19

…what’s the hobby?

Quercus3 · 06/02/2025 09:15

You are being beyond reasonable!