AIBU to be annoyed at DH missing family event?

I would definitely feel miffed that he wasn't coming, but I wouldn't stop him going. Or not go myself.

I've never had an issue with doing things by myself with the kids though, I drive and so had to put the kids in and out of car seats all day long when heavily pregnant. Perhaps as its something you aren't used to doing, it feels like a bigger challenge that it will be on the day?

I'm surprised no one can pick you up though, I'd go out of my way to help in that situation. As others have said, perhaps the night before is a good option.

My opinion, which seems to be a minority view, is that your DH should honour going to your DM’s milestone birthday celebration, especially given the huge difficulty you will have in going alone and that she does so much for you as a family.

Also, the fact that he hasn’t messaged her yet (although I think he should act like a grown-up and pick up the phone to her), is awful frankly. Perhaps he’s hoping you’ll apologise on his behalf. Either way, it sounds like he calls the shots in your marriage, given your updates, and I wouldn’t put up with that.

I can’t help but wonder that if it was something other than rugby, eg football, boxing, that your DH would be getting so much support in saying that he can’t NOT go to this seemingly unmissable event.

Shocked at all those saying YABU.

My dh would never treat me like this. It seems many people have a very low bar.

YANBU
He had a plan, then got a better one so is cancelling the plan. Then trying to gaslight you that it isn’t a big deal. When both you and your mother are upset about it and he is putting his needs above your physical wellbeing.

i’d tell him to arrange transport for you or a babysitter for child as he was an assist and is now not participating in that.
he’s acting like you are default parent. He can change plans without checking but you have to deal with it.

if he wouldnt do that for you i just wouldnt go if it’s going to be terrible for you. Id explain what you need to your mother and if noone from your family can help at a time of need, then that’s that. Ive had your pain in preg so i understand.

i also wouldnt attend his family events unless you want to. Guilt is not a reason to do something. Do it bexause youre able and want to. And value that relationship.

I don't think that YABU to be pissed off.

It's annoying when you think something is planned but then it changes-& at a detriment to yourself.

It's still doable though by the sounds of things & that's something.

Your DH is being unreasonable. He's already agreed to go to your family event and you need his support for medical reasons.
Sounds like he has plenty of freedom to do what he wants and you attend his family events without fuss.
He needs to accept he has to come with you (and with good grace!)

Could you go and stay with your mum with your child, travelling a few days before and after her birthday? You shouldn't have to do this, but it's probably the only way you can manage to get there.

I wouldn't be in a hurry to return to your DH either. He sounds pretty awful and selfish and isn't at all worried about his heavily pregnant wife making a difficult journey with their small child even after the awful experience you had with your first baby.

This

I would get your dh to drive you to your moms the night before and then taxi with her.

That way she doesn’t have to drive any one plus you can pay to give her a break. .

Can you miss the meal and do something special with your mum another time while your husband babysits.

Coukd you be at your mum’s for a few days, if she sees you once a week could you go back with her then and DH gets you afterwards?

Wow, it's even worse that he's cancelling on her.

Is there any reason that you can't go the day before, earlier on if he's travelling PM? I'm also married to a rugby fanatic and wouldn't ask him to miss this for a family event on my side. I think the reality is you could make this work but you don't really want to...

Yeah, but he has chosen to forge a life and a family with someone who cannot drive. He has to suck it up if his wife and kids need to be driven somewhere. Don't get into a relationship with, and have children with someone who can't drive if you're going to piss and moan that you have to do all the driving.

Could your DH take you to your Mum two nights before the lunch (before he has to travel) and collect you when he comes back?

Sorry but I’m with your husband here. He’s been given an amazing (Free) opportunity and he shouldn’t have to give it up just because you haven’t learned to drive.

When someone doesn’t drive and they rely on other people for absolutely everything it can be really suffocating and frustrating.

Given that the match isn’t until 4.45, unless you live in Scotland, there is no way he needs to travel the night before to get to Twickenham. My DH is going, we live a good couple of hours away, he’s planning on leaving at 12.

So is your Mum actually going to be ferrying others to & from her birthday lunch?

Could you stay with her a day either side & get a taxi to the lunch together?

If it's a long journey can understand but surely one of them could pick you up from the station,?

Please don’t do this, we have never found one that works. You can order one, but it’s a different story if the car seats actually turn up. Blank expressions all around.

As a MIL I wouldn't want my SIL to have to miss a big sporting event for my birthday lunch. I would want him to make sure my DD had a safe way to travel.

Having read all the updates I think your husband should've stuck to the commitment to visit your mum. I'd find this hard to get over. Have you got a friend who can travel with you ?

you can order taxis with car seats!