AIBU to be annoyed at DH missing family event?

Yep. Taxi or he takes you there and back other times.
These are compromises, caused by his late change of plans

Surely the obvious compromise here is that you tell DH he CANNOT go down the night before because he has to drive you to your mum's tomorrow evening. How early he wants to get up on saturday morning is up to him (and won't bother you because you won't be there). Then he needs to be back on Sunday to pick you up.

That way he gets the whole of Saturday to his sport, but he has to drive you in both directions so he has to do whatever is necessary to make that happen.

Personally I wouldn't be that bothered about son-in-law's presence at my birthday lunch. I like him just fine, but it's my DD I really want to see. So the whole 'prior commitment' thing wouldn't concern me. My daughter traveling in safety and comfort definitely would though.

You could cut through that Gordian Knot OP
especially with sciatica which can suddenly render you immobile,
even if you did drive,
stressing you, child, baby,
decline the invitation,
stay home and rest

How much would a taxi cost all the way? Your DH’s regular socialising must cost quite a bit. Personally, I’d book myself a comfortable limo there and back. Sod the cost when you are pregnant, struggling with a toddler and sciatica!

That's not why he he can't go though. He can't go because he is already committed to his MIL's big birthday celebration. The driving is a red herring.

Hormonal is a phrase meant to be used against you. It is the way selfish men teach women to dismiss their needs so its easier/faster/not noticed when your dh is dismissing them.

If I am growing a new human inside me and I am in a high risk pregnancy you’d better believe I am going to be fucking hormonal and make some demands for my comfort and convenience.

Does mr football matters think in a million years he could do what you have done-twice? That he would risk his dad bod and his health and his teeny tiny naughty bits to birth a baby in a welter of blood without a peep?

Make some demands for your own safety and comfort! Fuck him and his important match—he absolutely could have come home snd driven you down the night before. Bullshit that he couldn’t—my dh would have!

Could you ask your mum if you and your husband could take her out on a different day, your treat? That way your husband can go to the match (and I don't blame him for wanting to go - those sorts of tickets are expensive and rare) and you can all still see your mum, without you needing a train etc.

You learning to drive is a separate conversation. And a little unfair of him to say it - nothing you can do about it before the planned lunch! It is a worthwhile skill to have for sure, and you should consider if that's an expense you can afford and want to do in the future once you've had your baby.

I had sciatica when pregnant with my second. I quite literally couldn't walk from my living room to the kitchen (next room) without being in agony and in tears. So I don't think you should attempt the journey without support. Do you have a friend that would either drive you for fuel money or might like to join you and either drive you (you pay for their meal) or come on the train with you to help?

If you can manage the train, can anyone drive to collect you from the station once they drop off their other passengers?

Or is there a bus? You could keep the little one in the pushchair on the train then the bus potentially?

You are bothered because he hasn’t thought through anything about how it affects his family - the impact it will have on everyone else. He sees going down the night before and a whole lot of fun and expects that you will pick up everything else

presumably like you do when he goes out.

do you go out the same - I expect you may say no because I have the toddler etc well so does he

what strikes me the most is he didn’t tell you it was a late afternoon kick off and that going down the night before was unnecessary either becuase when given the choice that is what he wanted

That's a ridiculous thing to say. I presume you mean legally you don't need one. Common sense and statistics would dictate otherwise.

If OP had a driving licence, she would still be struggling and uncomfortable and perhaps not even safe to drive.
DH would still be missing the birthday lunch and not showing a lot of sensitivity.

You need to learn how to drive asap once baby number 2 is here

Your relationship sounds rather asymmetric. You’re expected to bend over backwards to accommodate anything DH or his side of the family want, but when you need practical help and support there are a million reasons why it isn’t convenient for him to provide it.

You describe your own reaction to the current situation as “precious” and “hormonal” but I wonder whether these negative interpretations are really coming from him/your extended family. Nobody seems to be falling over themselves to make this work for you and your DC.

Anyway. Could your mum perhaps pick you up from the station the night before, if you went early? And another family member drop you to the station the next day?

Even if she had a lisence the high risk pregnancy and the toddler might make it advisable for her not to drive. I was not permitted to drive during my second pregnancy.

Perhaps someone else has suggested it but if the car is with you rather than him can you hire a driver for the day?

He goes out a few times a week. We both used to have busy social calendars pre-child. He used to be out several times a week, so has massively reduced his attendance at things.

What's the different between a few and several? Is a few 3? Is several 5/6/7?

How many evenings a week do you go out?

This was always obvious! What an arse. It may be fine for him to miss your dm’s birthday lunch but ffs his pregnant wife and toddler in a second high risk pregnancy still need care and support. If the heat goes out or you are hospitalized while he is away does he just shrug his shoulders because he’s not affected?

He said he doesn’t see these friends much, only a few nights out a month with them, so wants to make the most of it.

This feels like rather a dripfeed. He ONLY goes out with these friends a few nights a month?! How much does he go out with other friends?!

Does your DH have any siblings that he could rally around who could give him a hand in getting you to the venue for your mother's meal. Then you could get a taxi to her place or share a lift with a family member.

Could that be an option for you @Chunkychips23 ?

It really doesn’t - that is a part of it but reading the other posts that was a joint financial decision and he is being selfish

I think OP is looking around to figure out who to blame.
But it seems to point back to them not having a driving license.

Hold on not much is a few nights out a month so what at least once a week and he sells that as not much

he comes across as incredibly selfish and self centred.

I think to not let him go would be wrong but I would be having a very long chat about responsibility family events and taking sole charge of children

any friends that know your mum/family that you could invite along?
either to help with public transport, or drive you?

A few nights out a months is a fuckload when you have young children. Op, do you get a few solo days out to yourself a month? Why are you feeling so guilty that he might have to trim ONE outing short and drive you so you’re not in pain? Does he seem to feel at all guilty that you don’t get out? You need to be less endlessly giving to the point that you and your mum are hurt. You matter too.

it sounds like you’re quite pregnant. Given what happened last time, surely no decent husband would think it’s ok you’re struggling across town in a train and a taxi with your toddler. Honestly.

if it is twickenham gates open at 1pm. Given to go to England France you presumably live in England I can’t see single place to live you would have to travel down the night before to enjoy it given you have an interview @Chunkychips23
that is pretty selfish

that said with that kick off timing and a desire to enjoy the atmosphere neither can I see him getting back that night either!

so in effect his passion is leaving his pregnant (heavily) wife alone with a toddler and missing a family event

will he do the same for you - take charge later on for a spa break.