AIBU to be annoyed at DH missing family event?

Yes, this too. He’s the one changing the plan isn’t he?

I think the way you’re talking about everyone is very respectful and kind. I’m not sure I could find it in me to talk like that when it seems it’s only your mother who has your back.

I think I’ve missed the timeline for all of this, but are you currently working? Can you simply get your DH to give you a lift to your Mum’s house whenever is convenient and you don’t come back and you stay there for a week?

Regarding your MIL, simply disregard her. If she gives your DH a hard time then that’s his problem. Just look after yourself, your toddler and soon-to-be-baby. She is someone else’s mother and you don’t need to put yourself out for her.

No sports event is “once in a lifetime “—they happen over and over again rather repetitively and can even be watched again on demand.

I sympathise with your situation, but agree with your husband about the not being able to drive yourself.
Those of us who are non drivers, be it for medical reasons (like myself) financial reasons like yourself, or those who are too anxious to drive or simply don't want to, are at the mercy of the generosity of those who can drive, to give us lifts to places that we either couldn't get to, or would struggle to get to by public transport etc.

He was willing to drive you, but has now had something else come up that means he's no longer available. I also totally agree with him going to this once in a lifetime bells and whistles event, over a happens every year birthday celebration, regardless having accepted the invite months ago. I know you said its a "big" birthday, (guessing 50 or 60th) but its still just a birthday, and its not like a massive expensive event has been booked with a venue and activities etc thats been paid for per head, so nobody will be significantly out of pocket by his not attending.

Him no longer going or being able to transport you and your DC also doesn't mean you can't attend, it just makes it logistically more difficult, but there are compromises. Either he takes you the daytime before and you stay over at your mums or a local hotel/air BnB, you get the train and taxi, or your mum picks you up and then you stay overnight as above until husband can pick you up the day after so mum can still have a drink at the meal.
I get on fine with my MIL and like her enough, but i wouldn't miss out on a one time massive event to go to a birthday meal of hers, even if it made it more difficult for my fiance to get there.

I don't agree with PP's that you absolutely never cancel previous plans you've agreed to because a better option has come up. Fair enough when the plans are like for like, such as one birthday/christmas/NYE party for another, but you can't compare a meal out to an executive box experience at a major annual sporting event or a VIP package at a huge concert on your favourite bands tour etc, there are always some plans that come up later that are understandable to cancel on others for, and i honestly believe for the right event, EVERYONE would do it. Yes, PP's who insist its wrong, even you.

I have to go to all of his family gatherings, know matter what. Or his mum gets upset and then I get grief about it.

No, you don't. After this you never have to go to another one. How long will you be in the taxi? As a one-off I'd do it.

Or: tell DH he has to take DS?

Maybe I’m missing something, OP, but why can’t your DH be the one to find a dog sitter? It’s not (or shouldn’t be) all on you… (unless it’s exclusively your dog, I suppose…)

Quite Twaddlepip not one moment of thought for you at all just thinking about himself and damn the rest of his family

Just read all your posts @Chunkychips23

Your H is a truly selfish twat. Truly.

You've mentioned a few times that you can't lift the car seat with your toddler in it. Would it be possible to take your toddler out of the car seat, fix it to the stroller and then put your toddler back into the stroller/car seat again?

Still not addressing the big problem - you are married to a selfish man-child not a "family loving" husband. Wake up soon OP

YANBU

He’s being selfish and you should return energy when it comes to his family.

I’d ignore the posters whining about you not driving. Some posters like to assume that if you don’t drive, you must be a hindrance to others and have other people drive you all the time. Typically, same people who complain about traffic.

As the thread goes on I feel more sorry for you op and think your husband and wider family are treating you terribly.
I would always help a heavily pregnant stranger on public transport so I hope that you are offered help readily.
I do think your DH should help you get there though, he agreed to and has now changed the game. Even if he gets you to your mum the night before and then you share a taxi with her. Who cares if he then has a long drive, his decision.

OP are you sure you are fit enough for this?

Sorry - cross posted with you OP. Please let your mum help you. I am sure she really wants to, and it will mean a lot to her if you can be there.

She said a different county, not a different country! And I can quite understand why she wants to be there for this special occasion, if only the travel there and back can be made doable.

Agree I wouldn't be visiting inlaws. I do just feel this particular visit is mad. If I was heavily pregnant and in pain I wouldn't be travelling to something hours away in a different country for a meal no birthday is that special. I missed a relative's special wedding anniversary do for that reason when I was in late pregnancy. My family understood. They wanted the best for me and my baby.

Ok Oo, but then point out the double standard our to him.

no more Mil visits to which you need to force yourself.

i‘d be livid about the hipocracy!

I only read OP’s comments and I think her H is very selfish - he only sees his mates few times a month? What is he - in college?? A man who wanted to create a family and have even more kids doesn’t just swan off as if he’s single. I get it about the event but he has to make some concessions and leave in the morning at the earliest.
also, use this opportunity to turn the tables for his family events and make it clear that you get a pass whenever you want for any reason you want and he just has to grow some balls and deal with his mother.

Your husband should be organising a dog sitter FGS, why should you have to try to rearrange everything around him.
If he wants to go he needs to make it as easy as possible for you.

All this 'going up the night before' malarky is all about going out on the piss isn't it. He could do it without that.

Oh stop attacking OP for daring to want to celebrate her mother’s birthday! Its only a problem because her shit husband backed out of a planned family celebration where he could have made himself useful juggling his own children so op and her mother could enjoy themselves ?because he got a better offer.