Sick of having to ask DH for money

He probably didn't pay her student loan at all .Just told her it was "paid".

Firstly, echoing what others have said, you need a joint account for joint expenses, so you can both see how much they are, and actually I'd add a separate personal account for personal expenses. You are not "what's leftover after we've bought milk and bog roll". If he thinks he "gives you" enough to cover it all, then by splitting it to separate accounts, with an appropriate standing order into each every month, he might see that's just not the case.
If he doesn't understand that you have regular personal expenses, like replacement clothes, & shoes, and the occasional social engagement, then there's really a very big problem. Is he this tight with his own personal spending ? Is the business in trouble? Or does he just not appreciate how much basic things actually cost these days?

I agree.

I'm pretty shocked, tbh. My parents married in 1954, and even back then she always had access to the money my father earned.

You’ve had good advice elsewhere @Justlivelovelaugheat about what is clearly financial abuse but I wanted to specifically deal with this point. It is not mor efficient for your salary not to go to you, in fact in this sort of set up the wife usually gets more as it’s better for tax to maximise the use of your annual allowance. By all means put money in your pension (presumably it is your pension, in your name, over which you have control) but money should come directly to you.

I was a SAHM for ten years when our DC were small. We had a joint account and I spent what I needed from it, whether it was household stuff, kids stuff or personal stuff. Our arrangement worked perfectly - I can honestly say we've never had an argument about money - but your situation is abusive OP.

Since when did taking care of your children ft not become a grown up activity ? If a couple choses this instead of paying for childcare this is fine. He's just not sticking to the deal: providing financially.

I’m an accountant and this doesn’t stack up to me.

• He could pay you £12,500 per year tax free for you, and that would save the business tax as it would be an expense. Yes he’d have to pay employer National Insuance but it would still be very efficient tax wise. I’m not saying £12,500 is necessarily ‘enough’ but it would be a start especially if he pays for most things at home
• tax-efficient pension contributions depend on earnings. So he can only contribute £2,880 per year to your pension if your earnings are nil or close to nil. If you earn more you can contribute more but it would still make sense for you to earn your personal allowance £12,500 first. Or are your ‘pension’ savings not actually in the form of pension? Have you seen evidence these exist and are in your name?
• paying off student loans is mad in the meantime if you’re not earning (if in the UK) as you only repay if earning

I suspect one of several things

• business is struggling - in which case the two of you need to talk
• he’s trying to make you better off in assets (but not income) so that if you split he can give you less
• he has lost respect for you for one reason or another - resentment he is the only earner, woman on the side, etc

I am sorry, those suspicions probably sound harsh but I just don’t understand the tax and business rationale you give.

So he gets all the money from the business, but it has to stay in the business account, and although he is "successful" and "growing" he is begrudging you money for clothes because he needs the account to look healthy to get a loan?

I think the business may not be as healthy as you think. If the change is recent, I would suggest that maybe there is less to transfer to you than before. And if he is saying he needs to keep his salary there so the bank will give him a loan, he doesn't understand how banks assess a business's viability. They will just go "why is he not paying himself a salary?"

I would bet it's that or not having paid his taxes and getting a massive bill from HMRC.

Children 'act out'. Not adult men with children. When they behave badly, it's not 'acting out': it's unacceptable behaviour. In this case, it's financially abusive behaviour.

And no, I'm afraid he is not a 'great man'. Great men don't treat their wives like this.

We’ve moved far away from any family,

I knew this was coming.

Ring Womens Aid today, tell them everything and get some support.

Everyone hollering Get A Job, do you really think that he's going to get touched with the reasonable stick at that point and cough up for the required child care if he currently won't give his wife money to replace the clothes and shoes he forced her to leave behind?

I know it can be difficult to read between the lines especially if something falls out of your range of experience, but it's clear to me what is going on here from knowing the very tip of the iceberg.

He sounds controlling in many ways, not just financially.

Did you actually want to move to the new house/location?
You mention that it's away from family. Again this is a red flag for him trying to isolate you from friends and family.

I agree that it sounds like the business is in trouble which is why he may be more secretive than before about finances, but it's why you now need to push more to find out the extent to this. Has he potentially taken out loans in your name for example?
Who's name is the mortgage in and are all bills definitely being paid for the household?

Make an itemised bill for your work every month. Childcare. Cleaning. Cooking. Shopping. Laundry. Sexual favours. And tell him that's how much you expect in your account every month. Then make a plan to divorce his disgusting abusive arse. This will never get any better.

Oh, do fuck off.

Also, most adults are capable of using accurate punctuation and proof-reading for typos. Even the SAHP.

I have a positive SAHM experience, but that's because my wife isn't a dickhead. I'm afraid your husband is.

You are married, which means all money should be joint money. You need to give him an ultimatum over this: either all money is in a joint account you both have access to, or you get a job and start divorce proceedings.

Also, if you want a job, get a job, even if you do decide to stay with him.

I used to be SAHM. And my husband was not a high earner. I NEVER asked for money. I had full access to everything.
High earner with private business and arguing for £150 sounds crazy.
He is lying about stress, mortgage, etc.
99% other woman.

P.S. Financial stresses are also less now I have a part-time job.

If he's not always been like this, I assume he is under some considerable stress that he isn't sharing with you. My husband got like this, and eventually he opened up and we worked through it together. Glad I didn't leave him, and we're now in a better place. Hang on in there.

This.

OP, you need access to joint finances or a divorce.
This is financial abuse.

I was a SAHM, or barely worked for many years. This was agreed beforehand and everything is joint, including all bank accounts. We do not have his/her money.
If you agreed to stop work to help his business why on earth is it "his" money and not fully joint? That's disgusting of him. If he won't stop this, you need to work.

How the hell is £150 going to replace all your clothes ?!

You both sound naive he needs to have a joint access account & you need to be employed in the business or elsewhere ASAP

It seems odd that it's more tax efficient not to pay you, at least up to the value of your tax free allowance.

People have already mentioned that paying off your student loans is also rather an unusual choice.

I hope you have seen the pension investment, assume this is a private product? Important to keep an eye on financial planning for later life, whatever life throws at us (death, divorce, ill health etc.)

Whatever the previous position, you clearly feel something has significantly changed and what you've outlined as the current situation is completely unacceptable in a true partnership.

I hope you've taken on board that people are concerned and you deserve better. Whether or not he's been through a lot, the result is his behaviour is abusive. Unless you're willing to accept the status quo (don't!), it needs to change, or you need to consider how to start making plans, either for financial independence or to leave.

I haven't read all the replies but I'm a sahm and I've never ever had to ask for money. Our money is in the joint account.

Sorry what? You work for him but he withholds your wages? Sounds almost like modern slavery to me!

Completely understand your point, and that may well be true, but sadly I've all too often seen women lean into any perceived grey area in order to convince themselves that they are the ones in the wrong.

I am sorry but you are being financially abused. Do you get child benefit?