Sick of having to ask DH for money

Why dont you both just have a debit card for the same account. Then you dont need to ask. I couldnt live that way.

Anyone that loved you wouldn't give you a suitcase and make you choose between clothes for yourself and clothes for your children, unless you were in some kind of emergency fleeing situation, which I presume you were not.

He is not a great man, he's not a good man, he is treating you far worse than an unpaid employee, and nowehere near a loved and respected partner.

You now find yourself miles from your friends and family and any support network against your wishes, without any clothes because he forced you to leave them behind. You saved your ornaments. This is heartbreaking.

Here is a link to contact Women's Aid.

Please use it when it's safe to do so. He is slowly boiling you like a frog in a pan.

So he did replace his own stuff?

You’re a SAHM, except not really because he’s got you working for his business for free.

He’s moved you away from your family and support network.

He has literally taken the clothes off your back.

Get a job ASAP. This is not a nice man you can or should rely on.

Look OP your "concern" for any changes in him recently has cornered you into inaction.

You have choices here.

He is being controlling and you know it.

People saying is the house in your name? It's irrelevant as you are married unless it's become a company asset of course.

Yes you need some financial independence asap.

In the meantime I'd be reading him the riot act.

I assume that you wouldn't replace your clothes with anything fancy either? You really need to speak to Women's Aid or another domestic abuse charity about his behaviour. He has moved you far away from family, you have a role in his business but he doesn't pay you, he threw away your clothes but won't replace them and you have no access to money.

When I was a sahm we had a joint account, exh always asked me if he could spend!

But yes, he did?

Did he replace his own clothes, @Justlivelovelaugheat ?

So you actually work in his business but don't get paid? He is sounding worse and worse.

The only way this situation works in my opinion is if there’s a joint account for bills and you both have a personal account for your own money. I was a SAHM for a few years and also worked for my husbands business so I get the whole feeling trapped with tax benefits and doing what’s best overall for the family but you need to stress to him that you need some of your own money. He may not value what you want to spend ‘your’ money on for example clothes but that’s really not his business. It can make you feel very trapped as it sounds like you do and in the long run will cause resentment and relationship issues.
It works much better to get ‘paid’ an amount per month for leisure money an he needs to get that message loud and clear. He may be in charge of ‘providing’ for the family but if it was a joint decision for you to take care of the kids he needs to realise that your role in this is equally as valuable. Would he listen to these points if you sat down and had a serious chat?

Try to step outside yourself for a minute OP and imagine your sister/ best friend calling you and telling you about how her DH made her throw away all clothes promising to buy New ones but he won't. Also she's staying home taking care of his children but find herself in poverty because she can't even buy herself some clothes/shoes. She has no access to the family money because her DH has told her it's better this way for some obscure non plausible reason. She's a prisoner, especially since her DH made her move away from friends and family.

You would tell her to get a divorce asap so she would get access to half of the money and not live with a financial abusive man who tries to isolate her from the outer world.

Recently we moved house and he insisted if we threw away most of our clothes (luckily I stood my ground when it came to the kids clothes) it would make the move easier and he promised to replace my clothes. Now that it’s time to cash in on this promise he says that £150 is too much money for clothes even though now I don’t have much to wear.

I’ve never heard the like. 😮

He’s got you exactly where he wants you, hasn’t he?

Oh FFS really. If course it wasn't serious advice to do. It was to demonstrate the inequality of it all. I actually despair of mumsent sometimes.

This.
tell him how expensive a divorce will be and see if £150 bothers him then

Recently we moved house and he insisted if we threw away most of our clothes (luckily I stood my ground when it came to the kids clothes) it would make the move easier and he promised to replace my clothes.

This is so weird! Decluttering before a move is normal, but throwing away your possessions just to reduce moving costs is not normal!

Did he throw away lots of his own things too? And has he replaced them? Or is it just you left in a worse situation than before?

He's isolated you and has cut of your previous access to money.

You are an employee but that doesn't go into your account?

This is bad op. He's abusing you. The throw away the clothes is just another way to control you.

This is glib and unhelpful, but I'm assuming it wasn't offered as actual advice.

In the event that there is a way through this for the OP with her husband, this would be provocative and counterproductive.

In the event there isn't, it's inflammatory and possibly dangerous!

You are equal partners. You are a team. They are his children too. You both live in the house.

The way you have set it up you should have equal amounts of free time and equal amounts of disposable income.

He should not have more money to use or more free time than you.

I think you’d be very wise to get some good advice here. I’m worried for you. I don’t trust him. The clothes thing sounds bonkers but also controlling.

He's treating you like a unpaid servant. It's not love if he doesn't want you to have the basics and a life. You are working raising your DC.

You need a job. You both pay for childcare.

I had one like this. He loved me being financially dependent. He would spend everything and then complain about having to pay the bills.

Throwing away your clothes to make a move easier is ridiculous. Did he throw away his own clothes? If so, has he replaced them? Is he trying to make you a prisoner in your own home as you don't have clothes to go out in?

You are being financially abused and you should seek help from domestic abuse charities such as Women's Aid.

Get a job share childcare and have strong boundaries.

It rang coercive control alarm bells with me too.

OP. Think very carefully and start looking through this lens to check how healthy this relationship is.