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AIBU?

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Original poster

To feel so down about this

33 replies

Bigfishlittlefishcardboardbox39 · 05/02/2025 20:40

Long story short we bought a property 8 years ago that was over inflated (in hindsight a terrible decision) and now we’re looking at negative equity.
It’s too small for us and when we eventually move out we will be moving in with in-laws to save.
we don’t come from money nor do we have outstandingly well paid jobs, we make enough to get buy but we pretty much live pay cheque to pay cheque.
Our whole social circle has lovely houses, regularly spend money on home improvements and talk about things ie how much things cost (not in a crass way) like it’s nothing. We need a new bath and have been quoted 1k and I don’t even know how we’re going to afford it.
I work PT and my DH FT. His job is particularly labour intensive and long long days. Our mortgage and rent alone is 1800 a month on a 2 bed 1 bath flat (not in London or a particularly sought after location)
We have the gift of health which I know is worth way more than anything material but I can’t help but feel down when I think about my situation. I was with a lovely group of friends today who all have lovely homes and space and a garden etc, then there’s us. We both work so hard and it’s just feels relentless!

OP posts:
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S0j0urn4r · 19/04/2025 19:37

Why did you buy the place if it's so awful? I don't get it.

PhyllisWallet · 06/02/2025 08:02

Have you spoken to citizens advice? There might be schemes available where there are traders who will do the bath far cheaper. There might also be a way of paying far less out per month. It's worth at least talking to them about the situation.

purplehue · 06/02/2025 07:50

Also stretch you mortgage to the longest term. So say you've 18 years left stretch it to 25 years. You can always lower it in yeats to come your financial situation changes.

purplehue · 06/02/2025 07:42

I haven't read the whole thread so apologise if this has been said already.

Could you borrow some money from family to lower your mortgage payments and get a better interest rate?

Then you would be able to save for repairs and then start paying family member back or pay them back when you sell.

Marble10 · 05/02/2025 22:40

I'm sorry OP, you are not alone in falling in the trap of SO.
My friend did, at the time it was the only thing she could afford due to her wages/small deposit etc but her 75% she paid was actually more than what it was if she had been able to buy the whole property, for example she had 75% which meant the full amount would have been 250k. The flats were not worth 250k to buy. By the time the rent and ground rent / maintenance charges she was paying so much.
You may get someone who will buy your share though, just like you were who want to be in a position to get on the ladder. If you can make your money back, think of it as a win, don't worry about making money. These schemes aren't designed to make money.

Original poster
Bigfishlittlefishcardboardbox39 · 05/02/2025 22:16

one window that faces outwards and therefore gets natural light, the other windows face into the building and therefore gets artificial light.
We have dedicated visitor bays and we get 10 hours of time a month, if we want more we have to pay.

OP posts:
Catza · 05/02/2025 22:12

Bigfishlittlefishcardboardbox39 · 05/02/2025 22:00

I do get it, and I know that it’s not all doom and gloom. But most people move from home to home a couple of times in their lives to suit their needs at that time, whether that’s upsizing or downsizing. The thing that frustrates me most is our outgoings are huge and we have very little, it’s a very small property. We get 10 hours of visitor hours a month, no garden, one window to allow natural light in, I could go on…

£1800 per month is extortionate. It’s all relative, if I lived in a small property I would expect to pay outgoings that reflect this.

I can't quite picture where you live. You have one window in a two bed flat? Surely, that's against building regulations. And what does 10 visitor hours per month mean?

Wackadaywideawake · 05/02/2025 22:09

I have a lovely home and almost all of the furniture and fittings were bought on eBay and Facebook marketplace! It can be done.

LostittoBostik · 05/02/2025 22:05

Ah sorry I thought you had the 25 per cent share.

Can you manage to staircase up to the full 100 per cent? That will definitely be better for you in the London term. And if the value is low now is the best time to do that

Original poster
Bigfishlittlefishcardboardbox39 · 05/02/2025 22:00

I do get it, and I know that it’s not all doom and gloom. But most people move from home to home a couple of times in their lives to suit their needs at that time, whether that’s upsizing or downsizing. The thing that frustrates me most is our outgoings are huge and we have very little, it’s a very small property. We get 10 hours of visitor hours a month, no garden, one window to allow natural light in, I could go on…

£1800 per month is extortionate. It’s all relative, if I lived in a small property I would expect to pay outgoings that reflect this.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bigfishlittlefishcardboardbox39 · 05/02/2025 21:48

LostittoBostik · 05/02/2025 21:45

Glad I jumped on this thread. Something I know about.

Homes England has recently updated its guidance around the RICS valuation. If you need to sell you shouldn't have to accept all the risk and the housing association none (which means you shouldn't be in negative equity for a small share).

Seek a dedicated independent solicitor who deals primarily in SO for guidance and make sure they are not appointed by your HA or get any kickbacks or referrals from them

Thank you for this. I’m not familiar with this updated guidance and not sure I fully understand (it may because it’s late!) you say small share but we have the largest share you can get I think (75%)

OP posts:
LostittoBostik · 05/02/2025 21:45

Glad I jumped on this thread. Something I know about.

Homes England has recently updated its guidance around the RICS valuation. If you need to sell you shouldn't have to accept all the risk and the housing association none (which means you shouldn't be in negative equity for a small share).

Seek a dedicated independent solicitor who deals primarily in SO for guidance and make sure they are not appointed by your HA or get any kickbacks or referrals from them

Tvp123 · 05/02/2025 21:42

Does your existing lender not automatically offer a rate without going through valuations etc? My last two renewals I just logged into my account and selected a rate.

Catza · 05/02/2025 21:41

Loloj · 05/02/2025 21:26

Could you rent your flat out and move in with in-laws? If rent would cover most of mortgage? Not sure if that’s allowed in shared ownership properties?

Edited

It's not. You can only rent a room while living there. Not that people don't let the flats anyway but, technically, you could have it repossessed by the housing association.

OP, I get that the situation is frustrating but the property is not meant to "make you money". It's meant to be a safe place for your family and a secure roof over your head. The property prices go up and down all the time and I would be inclined to sit tight and build up equity. Sod everyone's nice house.
We had three generations living under one roof in my granny's three bed flat. It was a tight squeeze but it was our home. They had it since 1965 and nobody could really give a toss how much money they could theoretically make out of it. I feel like housing wouldn't be such an issue if people bought houses and lived in them rather than worry about profit their home is making them.

Loloj · 05/02/2025 21:26

Could you rent your flat out and move in with in-laws? If rent would cover most of mortgage? Not sure if that’s allowed in shared ownership properties?

Loloj · 05/02/2025 21:24

Bigfishlittlefishcardboardbox39 · 05/02/2025 20:45

Shared ownership
8% variable mortgage
and I have spoken to half a dozen brokers. If we fix, due to negative equity we will save £100 pm. But then we can’t sell as we’ll have to pay early exit fee.

Sorry if I’ve mis-understood but if you sell and move to another property then you can port your mortgage and not pay an early exit fee. Or are you planning on moving in with your in laws regardless?

Original poster
Bigfishlittlefishcardboardbox39 · 05/02/2025 21:23

The thing is, I’m not just comparing my life to a couple of people, it’s literally every single person we know. It’s so frustrating when we both work really hard.

and yes, living with in-laws would be better. Our current property, the kitchen has one side, I can’t even dish up 4 plates that’s how small it is. Even estate agents have commented on how tiny it is.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bigfishlittlefishcardboardbox39 · 05/02/2025 21:21

Early exit fee is 8k in first year I think and 4k in second, so not viable.

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SpringBunnyHopHop · 05/02/2025 21:14

Stop comparing your home life to others. They could be up to their eyeballs in debt.

Catza · 05/02/2025 21:11

Bigfishlittlefishcardboardbox39 · 05/02/2025 20:45

Shared ownership
8% variable mortgage
and I have spoken to half a dozen brokers. If we fix, due to negative equity we will save £100 pm. But then we can’t sell as we’ll have to pay early exit fee.

How much is the exit fee though? It's £199 with my bank. Not really something I would consider a deal breaker.

Completelyjo · 05/02/2025 20:59

Surely the 2 bed flat is still better than living in a bedroom in your in-laws home?

RachelLikesTea · 05/02/2025 20:57

I’d just stay put (I wouldn’t come off the property ladder and you won’t always be in negative equity) and try to get another quote for the bath. Do you have a shower you can use in the meantime?

This isn’t completely abnormal, many people live like this and owning property is expensive at times. I currently have a whole shower room that is unusable, I can’t afford to repair/refurbish it at the moment so I’ve just shut the door on it and try not to think about it (it was only built a few years ago). And I’m in my 50’s and should be able to afford to repair stuff but that just isn't possible at the moment as I am now single so only my income.

Focus on the things you can control and definitely stop comparing yourself to other people, what they do or have is not important, it’s not a competition.

Springadorable · 05/02/2025 20:56

Bigfishlittlefishcardboardbox39 · 05/02/2025 20:54

We won’t get a low rate though that’s the thing. Our valuation puts us in negative equity and despite speaking to multiple brokers the best deal we have been offered is 7% due to LTV rate.

Ahh I see what you mean, sorry. It does sound like you're just going to have to take the hit and sell. On the plus side, even if you end up renting you'll still be saving a tonne compared to what your paying now in most parts of the country.

Original poster
Bigfishlittlefishcardboardbox39 · 05/02/2025 20:54

We won’t get a low rate though that’s the thing. Our valuation puts us in negative equity and despite speaking to multiple brokers the best deal we have been offered is 7% due to LTV rate.

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Springadorable · 05/02/2025 20:51

I'd also fix. Either it's minimal negative equity and so doesn't make a huge amount of difference in which just sell immediately and don't stress about it, or it's enough that it impacts your next purchase in which case fix on a low rate and ride it out.