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AIBU?

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Original poster

Do I have an easy life?

57 replies

Afirethatdoesntstopburning · 05/02/2025 19:56

Because it feels bloody hard to me.

Dh thinks I do, because I work part time.

I stay with my Dc during the day, who has additional needs, this includes behavioural issues and aggression some days, it’s very difficult. I do all the food shop and meals and general washing and daily tidying/cleaning. I have a cleaner who comes once a fortnight to do a big clean.
Three evenings per week, I go out to work when Dh gets home.
I do all bills, bank things, hospital & Drs appointments, all other sorting and planning etc.
At weekends, I generally do the same as during the week, make all the dinners etc, Dh will sometimes take Dc out alone, if I arrange it.
I don’t really have any time for exercise, washing my hair seems a special occasion at times.
I have no family nearby, I see mum friends sometimes, with my Dc.
Dh thinks I have it ft NJ heasier as he works Mon-Fri 9-5.
After a long day with Dc and then going to work, I feel exhausted and like I have the worst of both worlds. Dh sees it that i’m at home and relaxing

Feel so trapped

OP posts:
JLou08 · 05/02/2025 20:30

No, that doesn't sound like an easy life. Tell DH to book 2 days off work, you watch the child for the 3 days he is thete but do nothing else, go and stay in a hotel, don't do any of the shopping, cleaning, life admin etc and see how he gets on. He shouldn't have any issue with this given it's so easy.

Emmie765 · 05/02/2025 20:30

Afirethatdoesntstopburning · 05/02/2025 20:09

I’m crying now as It doesn’t feel easy at all and I’ve been thinking a lot about my ‘Old life’ where I worked full time and how I wish I could leave this house in the morning, grab a coffee, chat with colleagues and have a peaceful lunch etc, it was so much easier in comparison.
Dc should start school in September, so I trying to hold on, even then, the expectation is that i’ll then go straight to filling the hours whilst Dc is at school, with work.

Where would you start with making this fairer?

Sorry you're so upset, I feel like this and my kids don't have any additional needs! I have had loads of chats about making things 'fairer' but it isn't an option - I'm the favourite ... tonight the kids refused to sit anywhere but almost on top of me at dinner - both adorable and frustrating! Making a ton of assumptions without knowing you, I would guess that your DC would miss you desperately if you stopped doing the lions share of parenting, but there are other ways your DH could help. My OH cleans the kitchen every night so there's one thing less for me to do. That started after I had to work a couple of full days in a row ... funny that!

MadinMarch · 05/02/2025 20:28

Hohoholymoley · 05/02/2025 20:13

Leave him and let him have him every other weekend. At least you'd get a weekend to yourself a month.

Two weekends even!

gamerchick · 05/02/2025 20:26

No you don't.

You're need a weekend away and your blokes needs to take over.

It's so easy right?

You'll never get your point across until he's had a taste of it.

Zanatdy · 05/02/2025 20:23

No, i’d find it far easier going to work then caring for DC all day then working 3 evenings, and doing everything day to day. He is having a laugh if he thinks he has it harder as he is in paid work longer. I bet he has no idea how it feels to work all day, then have to consider what to cook for the family, do that (once collected kids on way home, often from 2 different places), helped kids with homework, baths and bed, then a bit more tidying, preparing for next day. Has he ever done all of that? No, and then done it every single day. Bet he walks in and his dinner is on the table.

Praying4Peace · 05/02/2025 20:21

Praying4Peace · 05/02/2025 20:19

Every single mum I know who goes out to work states that looking after young children is much harder than working. The terribly frustrating thing is that if your husband has no concept of the enormity of your role, it will be near impossible to change his mindset.
I understand your yearning for your old life, many people feel like that and your situation with no support magnifies it more. I don't have any easy answers OP.
Please take care

I meant all mums ( not single mums)

Praying4Peace · 05/02/2025 20:19

Every single mum I know who goes out to work states that looking after young children is much harder than working. The terribly frustrating thing is that if your husband has no concept of the enormity of your role, it will be near impossible to change his mindset.
I understand your yearning for your old life, many people feel like that and your situation with no support magnifies it more. I don't have any easy answers OP.
Please take care

notatinydancer · 05/02/2025 20:19

Your life is definitely not easy.
He can take a week off , you can go away but that would only be a week.
It's the unrelenting slog he won't get.
Tell him if your life is so easy , you'll swap roles.
Tell him to hand his notice in and you'll get a job.

Pamspeople · 05/02/2025 20:17

Start with the weekend and go out, take yourself for a coffee or lunch or for a swim or see a film, just get yourself out of the house so that he has no choice but to look after his child.

Have you never thought of leaving him? He doesn't sound like a loving partner, to put it politely.

Puddleduck28 · 05/02/2025 20:15

Definitely not an easy life! I work in a demanding job, 60+ hours per week and it's still 'easier' than a full weekend alone with my toddlers! Can you go back to work full time once DC starts school and drop the night shifts, then insist that as you're both full time that chores, school pick ups etc are shared equally? In the short term I agree with PP that going away for a weekend and leaving him with DC should show him how easy your life is.

StillweriseLH · 05/02/2025 20:15

Add up your working hours, including commute, and his.

add up your child “care” hours, and his.

add up your hours of house and life work, and his.

show him the calculations. If he doesn’t see a problem, then he is the problem.

arcticpandas · 05/02/2025 20:13

He has the easy life! But why don't you propose to switch? Just make sure you write down EVERYTHING you do before he accepts so that he knows what he's in for. I'm a sahm with a dc with additional needs. My DH gets stressed out around him and is quite happy to go away for weekly work trips so he's not saying my life is easy even though it sounds much easier than yours. DH deals with all financial stuff and I deal with everything concerning our children. I think it's a fair split due to one being autistic and very challenging (euphemism)...

Pamspeople · 05/02/2025 20:13

Firstly, trust your gut - you're absolutely right when you feel like you're getting the worst of all worlds here and that leaving the house for a full time job with just that to think about all day is definitely the easier deal. You can trust your instincts, not his outdated crap.

Hohoholymoley · 05/02/2025 20:13

Leave him and let him have him every other weekend. At least you'd get a weekend to yourself a month.

Octavia64 · 05/02/2025 20:12

I'd start with planning something on the weekend for you to go out and do.

Even if it's just swimming for you to wash your hair somewhere other than at home, or mooch around the shops.

If your DH pushes back tell him it's really easy to be at home and relax so you'll be going out and he'll be staying home and relaxing.

Original poster
Afirethatdoesntstopburning · 05/02/2025 20:09

I’m crying now as It doesn’t feel easy at all and I’ve been thinking a lot about my ‘Old life’ where I worked full time and how I wish I could leave this house in the morning, grab a coffee, chat with colleagues and have a peaceful lunch etc, it was so much easier in comparison.
Dc should start school in September, so I trying to hold on, even then, the expectation is that i’ll then go straight to filling the hours whilst Dc is at school, with work.

Where would you start with making this fairer?

OP posts:
Pamspeople · 05/02/2025 20:08

You say you feel trapped, OP, do you not feel that anything can change? Presumably he's happy having you doing all the emotional and practical labour of running his home and bringing up his child. So he'll be quite happy to carry on with this arrangement but you don't have to.

Pamspeople · 05/02/2025 20:05

He sounds like a neanderthal. Or maybe from the 1950s. If you have an easy life he will be happy to take a week off his oh so difficult job and do what you do while you go an visit a friend or have a holiday somewhere. Seriously, OP, call his bluff and see what he makes of it.

UnbeatenMum · 05/02/2025 20:05

No it doesn't sound easy at all. You're an unpaid FT carer on top of working PT.

Loveumagenta · 05/02/2025 20:04

No, you are not. Can you take a break and let your DH handle things - you sound like to need it.

Hohoholymoley · 05/02/2025 20:03

He has the easy life. Fuck him. No way would he be able to handle what you do.

MusicalDoc · 05/02/2025 20:02

Absolutely not Jesus Christ.

I am a 28 year old professional who works in a demanding job FT and have a healthy toddler. Financially we are comfortable. My OH also works but does most of the childcare and housework is about 60/40 with him doing the majority.

On my days with my son my mum, my OH’s mum or one of my 3 siblings will take toddler for me if I ask. For any reason. To sleep/exercise/hair/work etc etc.

my life is easy compared to yours and I am working full time hours.

Please go away for 3/4 days if it is so easy. Let him see what it is actually like.

Original poster
Afirethatdoesntstopburning · 05/02/2025 20:01

TemporaryPosition · 05/02/2025 19:59

I would leave

That bad?

Leave with my Dc?

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 05/02/2025 20:00

You don’t have an easy life
and you have a very unsupportive husband
Nothing lonelier than being a single parent effectively when you have a partner