Hairdresser/friend dilemma

I’ve been a hairdresser nearly 25 years .. she’s doing a shit job .. and by the sounds of it a lazy job . She’s know she’s doing a shit job believe me . You’re letting her get away with it !! Gets some balls and tell her your not happy , might give her the wake up call she needs . I’d rather be told . I’m super fussy and Very much a protectionist , sje will 100 % know it’s not right .

I'd maybe say I'm a big bored with my hair can we try something new and get ideas from her. Then if you don't like it say mm I'm sure this is for me I prefer highlights.

So get a bit of a radical change then go back but be very specific and say remember when (insert time when it was nice) I want that again.

My hairdresser was great in a salon.. then she went self employed an the finish just wasn't as good. I presume she was using cheaper products. I stuck with her for a year but eventually just texted her to say I've gone to a local salon a few times now and probably going to stick with it as it suits me better than getting in done in the house (also true.)

Agree with @Hamletscigar

Could you show her a couple of pictures of how you’d like your hair to look.

A mousey brown on a colour chart is probably a medium or dark blonde*

Ok, so in the meantime of trying to decide what to do with her as a hairdresser, if she’s toned the blonde highlights that’s good because you can use head and shoulders or fairy liquid which will help strip the toner, because toners do fade, and as horrible as it is to use on your hair it will strip the toner quicker.
are you explicit it how you say what you want? Because sometimes hairdressers can do what they want rather than what you want (within reason) so if you say for example it was too brassy last time and chunky highlights I want it toned down but still blonde, she might interpret that completely differently to what to actually want. So in a colour chart a mousy brown to a normal eye 😂 is brown but it’s classed as blonde. Did you show her pics? Don’t worry though just use head and shoulders for a week or two.x

“Friend, I don’t feel like my hair comes out like it used to. Are you doing something different to what you used to do, I noticed the change about 8 months ago?
honestly, I liked it better the way you did it before. I don’t want to upset you but I’m unhappy with the way my hair looks. I’m looking at trying a different stylist.”

could a conversation happen? Being honest if not completely blunt?

Did she highlight it before toning it?x

so maybe there could be a few things, she could be undercharging because products have gone up a lot. She’s rushing because you’re a friend and less likely to say anything, I’m not sure?

Maybe you could say, hi I feel really awkward and this is hard to say because obviously we’re really good friends, but, I can’t not say anything because I’m feeling really down about it, but, I really am not happy with my hair. So I don’t know what to do? I don’t want it stripey like a tiger, and I don’t want it dull. I want nice blonde vanilla highlights, and it’s not that! So I don’t know if it’s because you think that’s unachievable or because I don’t pay you enough, I really don’t know, so can you do that or would you be offended if I went somewhere else because it’s actually really getting me down. My hair is my crown I don’t take off it’s not like I can just change it like my clothes and it needs to look how I want it to? So what do you think is going to be the best thing?….maybe something like that

I had this issue too. I ended up saying, I'll text you.to.book.in,.as.i.need to.check.my calendar. Then I started going elsewhere. When she asked who did my.hair, I said my husband bought me a hair and pamper session at a new place. That ended.it.all.

I think you have two options here:

1. Go with the “Other half bought me a voucher and I was really happy, so I’m going back” angle.
2. Be honest and say you weren’t very happy last time, but felt awkward saying because you’ve become friends. You want that to continue, so you’re going to go elsewhere from now on.

Let’s be honest - she won’t be happy with either version. But there’s no magic option where you get your hair done by someone else and she isn’t offended. You’re on a hiding to nothing with that. My personal opinion is that you’d be better off with option two - with option one, she’ll probably keep trying to tempt you back.

As a side note, my aunt is a hairdresser and used to do most of the family’s hair. Her DIL opted to go to a salon instead and it didn’t go down well, but once it was done, the worst was over. My mother, however, is still having her hair done by my aunt, who is now 80 with shaky hands and who shouldn’t be cutting hair at all - but Mum can’t bring herself to say it’s time to stop, even though she’s never quite happy with her hair anymore.

Does she charge you? X

Some good excuses here. When it happened to me, I told my (lovely but incompetent) hairdresser that a group of colleagues had found a really good/cheap hair stylist right close to work who could fit me in at lunchtimes and it was really good for me to have that time saved after work/Saturdays so that I could see more of my family (or whatever)

Here is a cracking lie that could work long term

tell her you have a family / friend of friends / neighbours daughter who is at hairdressing college and needs to do several models for free over the next 6 months and you feel obligation to help her
so you can meet your friend and show off the students do and say “ what do your think? it’s not as good as you but hey ho I’m doing a favour
your friend may get the hint that this student is doing a better job than her and leave you alone
after the 6 months you can say the students friend has asked you to model for her and so it goes on …
just be v secret where you do get your hair done , dark glasses , fake name etc

This is evidently a unique aspect of British culture that I will never understand. You don't want to hurt someone's feelings so you disrespect them by lying instead... and if she finds out that you are lying, you don't think the feelings are going to be hurt and friendship damaged. It's a very odd approach indeed.

And then , if asked, you should say actually you really like the way this new hairdresser does your hair so you’re going to stick with her

Honestly, it sounds like she is taking shortcuts because you are a friend or are using inferior products.

I would either go hi x, just wondering if you have changed brands over the last few months. I am not getting the same results as before. Just wondering if I am not suited to your current brand.

Or just say hi x. Sorry finances are tight over the next few months. Just to give you the heads up I having to do my own hair. Sorry, I will probably fry it off but needs must. Then wear it in a messy ponytail with a hat or headband for a while.

Or just be honest, politely but constructively.

Are you not a bit worried about her?

I agree if she's a real friend you should definitely work out a way of raising it with her. Pretending DH has booked somewhere else is the kind of thing you say to someone who isn't a friend but whom you don't want to have to be honest with
.