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Original poster

Teachers apparently telling reception children to ' stop crying '

89 replies

bapabear · 05/02/2025 18:38

My DD hurt herself at school today.

I asked her if she was ok and whether she cried... she said ' no ', I then asked her if she cries often at school and she said ' no, I never cry because the teachers just tell us to stop crying '...

It's not a huge deal or anything and who knows what the context is that the teachers have told them to stop crying. But I don't know? Somehow it's a bit of a weird thing if true.

Is this normal ? I'm not going to make a fuss or anything but is that right ? Teachers just telling 4/5 year olds to ' stop crying ' ?

OP posts:
Porcuporpoise · 05/02/2025 18:47

inattentive38 · 05/02/2025 18:43

I cannot bear people telling children to stop crying. Crying is literally a natural reaction to hurt/upset and I always encourage my children to let their feelings out. I’d be fuming if a teacher told my child to stop crying.

It's often a natural reaction to frustration, anger and not like being told "no". Learning to to manage your emotions is part of growing up. Reception is an ideal place to begin that journey.

Mangledrake · 05/02/2025 18:47

Is it so bad that she's learned not to cry at school? Obviously if she couldn't help it that would be different. But she's telling you she can. So long as it's not delivered harshly, it's good that the school are helping children to that level of maturity. Having a classroom full of children who cry as a communication tool like infants would be very upsetting for everyone.

Completelyjo · 05/02/2025 18:46

MyIvyGrows · 05/02/2025 18:44

My 5yo has developed the fake cry over the past year or so, in response to not being able to do something ridiculous or impossible or if my attention is elsewhere for the 1.3 seconds when he wants my attention. I would not mind his teacher telling him to “stop crying” then. Reception age children are notoriously unreliable and ridiculous sometimes.

Ask the teacher / HoY about the specific incident?

God the fake crying! We have this at the minute too, they can turn it in so quick!

Completelyjo · 05/02/2025 18:45

There are times where “come on stop crying now” might be totally appropriate to say to a 5 year old.

SometimesCalmPerson · 05/02/2025 18:44

In some circumstances, it’s fine to tell a child to stop crying. It’s often better than feeding unnecessary upset that will only lead to children being over dramatic and under resilient.

Obviously, if a child has a valid reason to be crying then they should be comforted appropriately, but sometimes kids cry because they don’t know any other way of expressing feelings and sometimes they cry just for drama and attention. When there is no need to be crying, it’s okay for a child to hear it.

inattentive38 · 05/02/2025 18:44

CeciliaMars · 05/02/2025 18:41

It could be said in lots of different ways, eg. Kindly as in, 'come on, stop crying and let's find something fun to do'. Also 4-5 year olds are not particularly reliable witnesses... it's possible one person said this to her and now she's generalising...maybe just speak to the school and ask?

Having commented above before reading all comments I agree that this is different. I think I just got angry at the idea of a poor child crying and a teacher just saying STOP CRYING 😂

MyIvyGrows · 05/02/2025 18:44

My 5yo has developed the fake cry over the past year or so, in response to not being able to do something ridiculous or impossible or if my attention is elsewhere for the 1.3 seconds when he wants my attention. I would not mind his teacher telling him to “stop crying” then. Reception age children are notoriously unreliable and ridiculous sometimes.

Ask the teacher / HoY about the specific incident?

Lottapianos · 05/02/2025 18:44

I used to work in Early Years and heard adults telling children sharply to stop crying on a regular basis. Also did training with a load of healthcare professionals who thought it was totally fine and in fact, important, to tell children to stop crying when they are upset. So not surprised if this did happen in DD's school. Dreadful stuff

Porcuporpoise · 05/02/2025 18:43

I don't think it's normal for teachers to just tell children to stop crying. I'm equally sure there are many occasions where it's entirely appropriate.

inattentive38 · 05/02/2025 18:43

I cannot bear people telling children to stop crying. Crying is literally a natural reaction to hurt/upset and I always encourage my children to let their feelings out. I’d be fuming if a teacher told my child to stop crying.

Mainoo72 · 05/02/2025 18:42

You can’t take everything your 4 or 5 year old says at face value. They won’t understand the context obviously.

CeciliaMars · 05/02/2025 18:41

It could be said in lots of different ways, eg. Kindly as in, 'come on, stop crying and let's find something fun to do'. Also 4-5 year olds are not particularly reliable witnesses... it's possible one person said this to her and now she's generalising...maybe just speak to the school and ask?

Hercisback1 · 05/02/2025 18:41

Depends tbf. I tell my own kids to stop crying. If they cry all the time over small issues I can understand the teachers saying it.

Bristolinfeb · 05/02/2025 18:40

Not normal.

I would not take the word of a child that age at face value. They misunderstand so many things or don’t provide context.