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Original poster

Teachers apparently telling reception children to ' stop crying '

89 replies

bapabear · 05/02/2025 18:38

My DD hurt herself at school today.

I asked her if she was ok and whether she cried... she said ' no ', I then asked her if she cries often at school and she said ' no, I never cry because the teachers just tell us to stop crying '...

It's not a huge deal or anything and who knows what the context is that the teachers have told them to stop crying. But I don't know? Somehow it's a bit of a weird thing if true.

Is this normal ? I'm not going to make a fuss or anything but is that right ? Teachers just telling 4/5 year olds to ' stop crying ' ?

OP posts:
Original poster
bapabear · 05/02/2025 19:40

ThesebeautifulthingsthatIvegot · 05/02/2025 19:32

Today, I told a reception child to stop crying. It was not a genuine cry but a forced cry because he wanted to go first.

I would not tell a genuinely distressed or hurt child to stop crying.

However, It's often the children who are good as gold that listen when their classmate is told not to do something, and think it applies to them. So I do worry that saying stop crying to a child complaining about being first might have an impact on the quiet sweet ones, and they could report home to parents exactly what your little one did.

Thanks for your insight, that makes a lot of sense ! I think most parents will understand that sometimes it will be said, but it doesn't mean it's used in a nasty way.

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LadeOde · 05/02/2025 19:40

@thesebeautifulthings A wonderful example of what might have occurred.

ThesebeautifulthingsthatIvegot · 05/02/2025 19:32

Today, I told a reception child to stop crying. It was not a genuine cry but a forced cry because he wanted to go first.

I would not tell a genuinely distressed or hurt child to stop crying.

However, It's often the children who are good as gold that listen when their classmate is told not to do something, and think it applies to them. So I do worry that saying stop crying to a child complaining about being first might have an impact on the quiet sweet ones, and they could report home to parents exactly what your little one did.

Original poster
bapabear · 05/02/2025 19:32

liveandlearn73628 · 05/02/2025 19:27

I wouldn't base it on this one thing. How is the school in general?

Kids should be told to be quiet if they're just doing it for a reaction. Being in control of your emotions is just as important as understanding them

Absolutely love the school ! absolutely adore the teachers!

I can't imagine them just telling them ' stop crying ! ' in a mean way. But equally just wanted to hear my DD out and was a little concerned with how she explained it.

OP posts:
liveandlearn73628 · 05/02/2025 19:27

I wouldn't base it on this one thing. How is the school in general?

Kids should be told to be quiet if they're just doing it for a reaction. Being in control of your emotions is just as important as understanding them

LadeOde · 05/02/2025 19:26

If that's what you want but it's rather extreme.

Original poster
bapabear · 05/02/2025 19:20

I said : did you cry today when you hurt yourself ?

She said : no.

I said : do you cry at school?

She said : no the teachers tell us to stop crying, so I don't cry.

I said: do other children cry ?

She said : not really, the teachers tell us to stop crying

The exchange went something like this. Fucking shoot me.

OP posts:
Original poster
bapabear · 05/02/2025 19:17

LadeOde · 05/02/2025 19:15

But the fact that she said it, lead me to ask further questions. Why can't I ask my child questions ?

The fact that she said what exactly?
You can ask your dc questions but there's usually some logic to question asking and there's none here whatsoever.

You're not even answering my question - why are you bothering ? You're focusing on something you think is weird - well, I don't. I already explained my line of questioning.

Why don't you just move on ? You think I'm weird, you think how I speak to my child is weird, we get it- you're better. Just move away and let others answer the actual question. Stop derailing.

OP posts:
LadeOde · 05/02/2025 19:15

But the fact that she said it, lead me to ask further questions. Why can't I ask my child questions ?

The fact that she said what exactly?
You can ask your dc questions but there's usually some logic to question asking and there's none here whatsoever.

LadeOde · 05/02/2025 19:10

Mainoo72 · 05/02/2025 18:54

It is a bit of a strange thing to ask your child. She didn’t cry today so why ask her how often she cries? Weird.

Show quote history

Precisely, and then when she said, 'No' a second time, @bapabear asked her if other children cry?
We're talking about a bunch of 4/5yr old's here, I'd wager a guess at least 1 of them cries over something everyday??? Very bizarre.

Original poster
bapabear · 05/02/2025 19:06

LadeOde · 05/02/2025 19:03

@bapabear Now you've explained further it sounds even worse. That isn't being curious, that is called 'fishing', it's sounds like you're looking for something to complain about (and you have!) It must have been very confusing for your DD.

You've no idea whether your DD is telling the truth & if she is, the context. i can think of various scenarios where a teacher can say 'stop crying' which are not remotely as sinister as you're implying.

I absolutely love her school and her teachers. I'm not trying to find something to complain about. But the fact that she said it, lead me to ask further questions. Why can't I ask my child questions ?

Ridiculous. I was just trying to get an understanding of what goes on. Not ' looking for something to complain about '.

Honestly, you can post anything on here and it just gets turned upside down. It's insane

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Porcuporpoise · 05/02/2025 19:04

tellmesomethingtrue · 05/02/2025 19:01

Are you literally basing this all on the word of a 4/5 year old?

All what? The OP asked a question, she didn't say she was marching down there to complain.

LadeOde · 05/02/2025 19:03

@bapabear Now you've explained further it sounds even worse. That isn't being curious, that is called 'fishing', it's sounds like you're looking for something to complain about (and you have!) It must have been very confusing for your DD.

You've no idea whether your DD is telling the truth & if she is, the context. i can think of various scenarios where a teacher can say 'stop crying' which are not remotely as sinister as you're implying.

tellmesomethingtrue · 05/02/2025 19:01

Are you literally basing this all on the word of a 4/5 year old?

Ablondiebutagoody · 05/02/2025 18:59

Depends why they are crying

Original poster
bapabear · 05/02/2025 18:57

I don't think it's strange at all. And it gave me some insight as to what goes on. Each to their own.

OP posts:
Mainoo72 · 05/02/2025 18:54

LadeOde · 05/02/2025 18:50

@bapabear asked her if she was ok and whether she cried... she said ' no ', I then asked her if she cries often at school and she said'

I find your line of questioning rather odd. If your DD already told you she didn't cry, why then ask her following on, if she cries a lot at school? Doesn't make any sense.

It is a bit of a strange thing to ask your child. She didn’t cry today so why ask her how often she cries? Weird.

Gymrabbit · 05/02/2025 18:52

*inattentive38 *

What a pile of shit!

We’ve been validating feelings for years, constantly pandering to everyone.

I agree there is a mental health crisis but it’s because of the constant pandering not because of occasional tough love otherwise everyone in the 40s to the 80s would have been having crises.

Original poster
bapabear · 05/02/2025 18:52

LadeOde · 05/02/2025 18:50

@bapabear asked her if she was ok and whether she cried... she said ' no ', I then asked her if she cries often at school and she said'

I find your line of questioning rather odd. If your DD already told you she didn't cry, why then ask her following on, if she cries a lot at school? Doesn't make any sense.

I was just curious if she gets upset at school and cries- in general. I also asked if other children sometimes cry- she said 'no not really because the teachers tell us to stop crying' she was very sure about that.

Sorry for being curious ! How odd of me to want to understand my DD's days / emotional state..

OP posts:
Hercisback1 · 05/02/2025 18:50

Being told to stop fake crying doesn't mean bottling up emotions. It means you learn to regulate and cry when something needs a cry reaction.

Completelyjo · 05/02/2025 18:50

inattentive38 · 05/02/2025 18:48

Totally disagree. 4 and 5 year olds still have very immature brains. What a cruel idea that at such a young age they should start learning to bottle up their emotions 🙄 no wonder there is a mental health crisis in this country.

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It’s not bottling up their emotions to learn that things like screaming, lying in the floor, stamping their feet or crying because they’ve been told no is inappropriate.
There are appropriate outlets for feelings and inappropriate outlets for feelings.

LadeOde · 05/02/2025 18:50

@bapabear asked her if she was ok and whether she cried... she said ' no ', I then asked her if she cries often at school and she said'

I find your line of questioning rather odd. If your DD already told you she didn't cry, why then ask her following on, if she cries a lot at school? Doesn't make any sense.

IncaDove · 05/02/2025 18:49

My dc once told me the teacher had hit him around the face with a chair.

inattentive38 · 05/02/2025 18:48

Porcuporpoise · 05/02/2025 18:47

It's often a natural reaction to frustration, anger and not like being told "no". Learning to to manage your emotions is part of growing up. Reception is an ideal place to begin that journey.

Show quote history

Totally disagree. 4 and 5 year olds still have very immature brains. What a cruel idea that at such a young age they should start learning to bottle up their emotions 🙄 no wonder there is a mental health crisis in this country.

Original poster
bapabear · 05/02/2025 18:47

I have definitely said to her before ' come on, stop crying and let's do something fun ' after having consoled her first.

The teachers are so lovely, I can't imagine them doing it in a mean way. M

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