Teachers apparently telling reception children to ' stop crying '

A 5 year old child is not "ridiculous"...

I think it's just really hard for people to break the cycle of how they were parented... It's only really this generation where it seems to have had much traction, and even when people are actively trying to do it that way, it is hard not to let the a bit of the old rhetoric creep in.

My personal opinion is that it's never actually helpful to say. Even in the more gentle examples people have given, they could just say something else like, 'I can see you're feeling sad. Now it's time for X.' Same effect of moving on but without explicitly saying stop showing your emotion.

Anyway, sounds like you're doing a great job parenting your daughter and that will stand her in good stead.

Just ignore that stupid poster. You can ask your child whatever you like!!

Would never say this. Crying is a healthy expression of emotion and children need to experience thousands of instances of co-regulation in order to learn to self-regulate. Stopping crying before you're ready is an unhealthy way of learning to suppress emotions. The research is clear and the vast majority of child psychologists would say this. However, this is unfortunately going against the grain of mainstream parenting beliefs. As can be seen on this thread and witness kn playgrounds and homes and schools everywhere! I think the tide is turning but it is very very slow.

What I will say is that it I'd also quite possible that what your child is saying isn't quite as black and white as it appears. I used to be a teacher and once had a parent incensed because her 6yo son had told her didn't do maths at school!

However it does matter that she feels as though you shouldn't cry at school, whether or not that is exactly what the teachers are saying. I doubt you'd get very far talking to the teacher about it, but could be worth a try if you think they might be receptive. I'd make it about your child rather than tell them their practice is wrong i.e. I'm concerned that she feels this way as I think it is important that she can express her emotions, can we work together on supporting her with expressing her emotions at school in ways that aren't disruptive.

Otherwise I would just focus on what you're teaching her at home i.e. it's OK to cry when you feel sad. You can also show it like this or like this. You can do this or this to help yourself feel better. Some people say to stop crying because they feel uncomfortable with other people's big feelings. But we know it's important to feel your big feelings and then you can come out the other side and feel better. Etc.

I was thinking this, I've had children hystericqlly crying because they have red pen on their hand and they think theve hurt themselves, I probably would (nicely) tell them to stop crying as it's pen.

Always funny on here when people try and be condescending when they clearly haven't read something properly.

I said it was another thread where people were overwhelmingly voting that it was OK to say it to a two year old.

Obviously.

I agree. I tell my DD to stop crying multiple times a day as she will blow for the smallest of things.

Also they could genuinely say it nicely more of a awww it's ok, you can stop crying now (if they've been wailing about a snatched toy for half an hour) but kids at that age take things sooooo literally

You can't have a class of 30 children crying to let their feelings out. And crying isn't necessarily helpful in that way anyway. You can let feelings out without crying and helping children learn that is part of getting them ready for school.

Telling a child who just fell over to stop crying is harsh, but it's 1 teacher in a class of 30 kids - they can't have everyone crying because they wanted to be first in the line, or their pencil broke, or Jimmy won't sit next to them/will sit next to them, or they don't want to do reading today.

A lot of eyfs children are in the habit of bursting into noisy, attention seeking tears at the drop of a hat. Often the "feelings" they are expressing are disproportionate and don't need to be validated.

They do also misunderstand. I doubt teachers tell them to stop crying if they have actually hurt themselves.

It's not always a natural reaction 🤣 there's absolutely an age kids get to when they work out that a sort of whiny cry noise gets adults to give in to them and they are verrrrrry quick to turn it on!! Children are cleverer than you realise

Maybe they have said this and maybe they have dealt with some fake crying and your dd has overheard a request to stop crying

ds told me one day he sat on the buddy bench and someone came to play with him, this made me feel really sad (thinking of him sitting there all alone while other children played happily). Next day I asked him did he sit on the buddy bench and he said yes, he also picked up that I was he had my full attention. Next day again he sat on the buddy bench. So I decided to ask the teacher as by this time I had convinced myself he had no one to play with at playtime. When I asked his teacher she bust out laughing, ds had missed out the bit where the buddy bench was used as his plane to fly to different countries around the world and there was always a full flight …. She advised I walk passed at playtime and you will see (so I did and there he was flying his packed plane)

So at times there is some truth in their stories …

Yep! Me too! Very normal

You’ve no idea of the context.

but to be honest if you’ve got 30 children in front of you I can imagine you need to maintain some semblance of discipline and order so perhaps children greeting a lot would require a teacher to ask them to stop. Same with tantrums, poor behaviour etc. They need to draw the line somewhere.

i don’t know though 🤷🏻‍♀️

No telling the child who does understand and can comprehend things like how to control their impulses and behaviour is helpful.

Obviously.

No one is saying it’s appropriate to tell a 2 year old to stop crying, hence most people being against it as in your own comment!

So telling the one that Doesn't know how to communicate to stop crying is more helpful? I find that really strange. You don't shout at a baby to stop crying...

It’s very different saying this to a 2 year old who has no other way to communicate vs a 5 year old who has a huge amount more understanding and awareness.

Agree

It's funny, a thread the other day was something like 80% saying the OP was unreasonable for not liking her child's keyworkwr saying this at nursery. Now it's a teacher suddenly it's not on with the majority. I know it's different people but still quite interesting.

FWIW I don't think it's OK to tell children to stop crying. But I DO think some children need to learn to regulate and are very quick to use loud screaming in any uncomfortable situation.

An experienced early years teacher can tell the difference between a genuine distressed cry and the type of crying that is just noise to get what they want. The latter will be gently told to stop crying and use words to express themselves.

I've heard many teachers and TAs say this to children in school. It's pretty normal. I don't personally say it though, as it is harsh.

I taught reception for a bit (grim).
I remember a girl who just cried every day, just always background crying and grizzling. Never in relation to anything. We all just had to move on and get on with teaching and doing teachers things. She was impossible to comfort or distract.

There is definitely a distinction. A child who is hurt, upset, frightened or unwell should of course be comforted. But those who turn on the waterworks like a tap are really, really annoying, and adults in charge of them need to teach them to express themselves in a more appropriate way (using their words). And yes, that can sometimes appear harsh, but not teaching this is doing them a disservice.

It really depends on the situations tbh. Why are they crying, how long have they been crying, what else have I tried to calm them down.
Honestly, if i comforted every cry for an hour I wouldnt get anywhere in class. Kids cry for no reason sometimes. The last time i told a girl to stop crying she burst into tears because a boy made a face at her 🤷🏻‍♀️ i have no time or patience for nonsense like that 😄