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AIBU?

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Original poster

To go through CMS when ex was 3 days late paying

33 replies

Evecob · 05/02/2025 18:00

Hi all, just want a bit of perspective.

Bit of backstory, my ex and I were together 13 years, decided to separate last september, my reasons were due to emotional, psychological and rarely physical abuse which was on and off the whole relationship. He was removed from the family home in October for assault and dangerous driving while our children were in the car. He has bail conditions not to contact me or go to the house. He now lives with his dad. This is ongoing as he pled not guilty so it is going to trial..

Our 2 children 6 and 4 live in the family home with me full time. He has not seen the kids since October. I requested proof of therapy to show commitment to change in behaviour as a boundary to seeing them but he has refused. I spoke to a contact centre to arrange visits that way, he also refused this.

He works full time and on an average/good salary. We agreed via his father by text messages for him to pay £90 less than what CMS suggested 1st of each month. This was a struggle but he agreed..

The first 3 months he paid on the 1st as agreed.. some days i noticed it was late, once i had to remind him to pay. I had to send reminders regarding other fees he kept "forgetting" so each month i find myself worrying if he will pay.

The past few weeks there have been issues. He blocked access to joint emails, and the account for my phone and internet were in his name (but I pay for), he locked me out and cancelled my phone contract. (This was great as now i have my own account and phone but he still has broadband in his name and refuses to move to my name). Anyway, this month he didnt pay CMS on the 1st as usual. I checked next day and waited until the 3rd in the morning. Still nothing. So decided to put in CMS claim.

On the 4th i saw the payment was in at last...but i already put in the claim.

I feel like it shouldnt be on me to remind him/his dad to pay it. At best he is forgetting, at worst he is using this as a tool to control me and i dont want this. However sticking to this and we go through CMS i know he will be mad and have to pay more now.

AiBU to change my mind without communicating and going via CMS?

OP posts:
Bojanglesmcduff · 06/02/2025 14:47

oh lovely, he’s still controlling you. He can turn off your broadband any time, do you need it for work or the kids or anything? He controls how much he pays you and when, you’re worrying about him, chasing him, being refused the ability to control your own household bills and you’re running on fear and guilt still. This is still abuse, this is as much as he can do from afar and as soon as he’s able he’ll dial it up again.
it was a struggle to get him to agree less than he’s required to pay - it’s like he’s done you a favour by agreeing. Yanbu to put your foot down and say enough is enough. Cms can deal with him now.

The only other issue us the contract in his name that im currently paying for ends in 2026 so its a hefty fee to cancel, so im guessing thats why he doesnt want to cancel it
that seems like a him problem? He can transfer to your name, or he can keep it himself so it’s his bill in his name and it’s his problem. He’s able to decide which option works best for him so you don’t need to feel any guilt if he chooses to keep the bill.

OriginalUsername2 · 06/02/2025 14:47

It’s done now and you’re better off. I had the same thing with my ex. Sometimes he’d be in a mood on the pay day and not transfer it just to spite me. He went nuts when I went through CMS because he couldn’t dangle it like a carrot on a string anymore. I didn’t care. It was security for me and the DCs.

BeatriceBest · 06/02/2025 14:38

YANBU for going to CMS, but I’m sure I’ve read on here that they do nothing about payments being late unless they’re over 5 days late? So you may still be in the same position (though £90 up).

Original poster
Evecob · 06/02/2025 14:34

Thank you for your message and advice.

I did call my current provider to get a new broadband but it kept getting cancelled because apparently you can only have 1 line to 1 house... he is keeping his address as mine and telling them he wants to keep his, so they refuse mine.

I will have to get a new provider. The only other issue us the contract in his name that im currently paying for ends in 2026 so its a hefty fee to cancel, so im guessing thats why he doesnt want to cancel it.

OP posts:
YourSnugHazelTraybake · 05/02/2025 18:14

No you aren't unreasonable. He fucked around and now he'll find out. He had his chance to be reasonable but he decided to play games and be an arsehole. He thought could control you with money and have you dance to his tune, you've showed him he was very wrong. Well done you. As for the broadband, if it's in his name then you can't end it, what you can do is start a new broadband contract in your name, either with the same provider or a new one. Then he'll be paying for broadband that no one is using. I'd suggest doing it soon because hell no doubt cancel it at the worst possible time for you.

Original poster
Evecob · 05/02/2025 18:08

Lilacpurplegal · 05/02/2025 18:05

What is the reason you haven’t gone through CMS and have agreed to £90 less than what CMS suggests?

Honestly.. fear he wasnt going to pay in the first place and guilt that i took steps to report him and he got removed from the house

OP posts:
Lilacpurplegal · 05/02/2025 18:06

I meant to say prior to today* I know you’ve put a claim in now.

Lilacpurplegal · 05/02/2025 18:05

What is the reason you haven’t gone through CMS and have agreed to £90 less than what CMS suggests?