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Original poster

Dad put on end of life, to take time off work?

35 replies

nosent · 05/02/2025 12:54

For context my mother was diagnosed with an autoimmune liver condition last year & placed on the transplant list. She was given her liver transplant on 28th dec 2024 and I have been her primary carer since. I also have 2 small children under 2.

My dad was diagnosed with oesophageal cancer in 2024 as well. He was admitted to hospital in January of this year with pneumonia.

As my mum had been in hospital for 3 weeks post-transplant I was visiting her every day & working from the hospital so nearly doing full time. My brother was visiting my dad who was in a different hospital.

Yesterday they called to say they are putting my dad on end of life care & expect him to have weeks- months left. Obviously this is really upsetting & along with the stress of my mum I am struggling to cope.

I work 85% full time (every 3 Fridays off) and my husband works away in the military Mon-Fri.

Ideally I would like to spend time with my dad in hospital if he is at the end of life, but logistically with work it doesn’t work. My mum can’t visit him as she’s on a high level of immunosuppressants, so he is spending a lot of time alone.

I can’t afford to take unpaid leave as my children are in nursery 4 days per week, mortgage etc.. Would I be unreasonable to get signed off work for a few weeks by the doctor so I can get myself together & focus on my dad?

OP posts:
saraclara · 05/02/2025 14:02

Yep. I had no problems getting signed off by my GP twice, once after my DH's diagnosis, to nurse him through his chemo, and again a year later to nurse him through his end of life care.

Loveumagenta · 05/02/2025 13:52

Do it. No-one on their death bed ever wished they had worked more. Take the time, do it let your poor dad die alone.

Pr1mr0se · 05/02/2025 13:50

Get signed off by your doctor. Take the time off.

Hellskitchen24 · 05/02/2025 13:42

Not unreasonable at all.

I always say that your employer would replace you tomorrow if you popped your clogs. We like to think we are indispensable to the workplace but we rarely aren’t, we are just cogs in a machine.

On the other hand you’ll never get back the time with your dad. Take the time off.

iolaus · 05/02/2025 13:38

It sounds like you are genuinely stressed and not able to cope with being in work on top of your personal life at the moment, so going off sick sounds like it is the right thing for you to do

End of life though can sometimes go on for a lot longer than anticipated, and sometimes can be a lot shorter so it's not as simple as x diagnosis for a parent means go off, it's individual on how you cope and what else is going on in your personal life

ARealitycheck · 05/02/2025 13:36

Any decent GP will have no problem signing you off. Family come first. Spend as much time as you can with your Dad, sadly my experience of oesophegal cancer it happens fairly rapidly.

JLou08 · 05/02/2025 13:00

Family should always come first. Get signed off so you can spend time with your dad and continue the care of your mum whilst still looking after your children. You have a lot to deal with right now, something has to give or you will burn out and be no good for your family or employers. In my opinion work is the only thing you can let go, you need to continue to care for your children and you need to be there for your parents too. Your irreplaceable to them, you are not irreplaceable at work.

MyUmberSeal · 05/02/2025 13:00

Your GP will sign you off. Not unreasonable at all.

JimHalpertsWife · 05/02/2025 12:59

Imo this is one of the things that sick leave is for. Take the time off.

dizzydizzydizzy · 05/02/2025 12:57

Not unreasonable at all. Contact your GP.

What an awful situation OP. So sorry you are going through this.