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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think DSD should stay in her school and live with us?

181 replies

Orangelight23 · 05/02/2025 11:37

Happy to be told DH and I are being unreasonable here just come on for a different perspective really.

DSD is in year 9, she stays with us 3 days a week ( quite often more as Mum has been doing an intense Uni course) and we live walking distance from her school. Her Mum has recently graduated and cannot get a job in her field in the city we live in. She has been offered a job in a city 30 miles away.

Her Mum put it to DH that the only way she can get work is to move cities and DSD will go with her and move schools. She has enquired with some schools in the city. Upon researching them they don't have great reputations and don't appear to be as good as the school DSD is currently in.

DSD does seem fine with the suggestion of moving but she is a bit of a people pleaser and does tend to just go along with stuff.

We have suggested that DSD stay in the school she's in and live with us during the week. DH is happy to drop her off with Mum Friday night and collect Sunday night. Mum could then have DSD whatever school holidays she wants. Then after DSD has finished year 11 they can discuss if she would rather go to sixth form near Mum or near us.

Her Mum has hit the roof and said this is a ridiculous suggestion and it's absurd that a child wouldn't live with their Mum. She won't even entertain the idea.

Are we really being so unreasonable?

OP posts:
DemonicCaveMaggot · 05/02/2025 11:43

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. Your DSD is already half way through year 9 so you are only talking about 2.5 years of school before she may move back with her mother full time. If her mother is starting in a new job in a new field and new town she may find she appreciates not having to worry about school drop offs and pick ups, homework, and after school activities while she gets settled. She would also see her daughter full time at the weekends and school holidays so it would almost be like her daughter was a part time boarder at boarding school. No I wouldn't like to be separated from my DC during the week either but your DSD already stays with you three days a week so it isn't that much more.

Gymmum82 · 05/02/2025 11:43

It’s 30 miles. Surely mum can just commute to work like most people do rather than uproot her daughter and upset her schooling? Honestly some parents are just unbelievably selfish.
I commute 25 miles twice daily to work 5 days a week. It’s not hard

MinnieBalloon · 05/02/2025 11:41

If I was the mum I wouldn’t even entertain the idea either.

HotPotatoesies · 05/02/2025 11:40

Definitely not an unreasonable suggestion, but one I can fully understand the mum not being onboard with. Worth discussing though!

I hope your DSD dares speak up and say which option she would prefer

Orangelight23 · 05/02/2025 11:39

BabyFever246 · 05/02/2025 11:38

DSD is year 9 ... so surely you should just ask her.

Haven't done so yet as don't want it to be a Mum against Dad scenario. We want to discuss options with her Mum first.

OP posts:
BabyFever246 · 05/02/2025 11:38

DSD is year 9 ... so surely you should just ask her.