Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is that his normal? High sex drive of partner

179 replies

purpleChestnut · 05/02/2025 07:49

Name change for this. Gentle please. I’m quite old school.

I’ve only ever been intimate with two men in my life. My ex husband - we were married 18 years. And a relationship following it that 6 months long.

I met someone around Christmas & we’ve had lots of really nice dates. Lots of chemistry and attraction. I’m in my mid 40’s and he in his early 50’s. Really excited to see him each time.

Thie past weekend I stayed over at his place.
When I got there (90 minute drive), he showed me the house, all the rooms, already made coffee and when he showed me his bedroom, he shut the door and we started kissing. He then had his hands all over my breasts and the next thing I know he had his hands in my knickers, undid my jeans and started stimulating my clit and tried to make me come . My thought was, I’ve barely been at your house for 5 minutes!

In the afternoon we took the dogs for a walk, and then we watched some sport, made dinner (and his 17 and 19 year old children - they are lovely!), and watched a movie. And then went upstairs. We had sex and it was as great but he is quite rough and hard. (I’m sore and feel bruised inside me, 3 days later)

The next morning I woke up with his hands on my knickers and soon inside me. We had sex again and it was great due to the attraction from both sides, but again, rougher and harder than I’ve ever had in my life.

Late the afternoon we sat downstairs on the sofa, just chilling and having a nice time. The next thing I know he took my hand and put it on his jeans, on his penis, wanting me to rub his penis. And then he had his hands inside my knickers again! I asked him to stop as we were in the kitchen and his teenagers could come in any moment, and he then wanted me to go upstairs.

That was the weekend. We speak and FaceTime most nights due to the distance. Last night he asked if he could come to my house this week Thursday, leaving his own teenagers on their own. And he mentioned that I would have to be quiet- straight away assuming that we will have sex ( of my children are a bit younger).

My period is due today or tomorrow.

My question is, are there men who are sexually charged like this? Could this be healthy?
Ive only been with two other people so I don’t feel I know. I don’t know if I’m being naive but is he watching way too much porn or raunchy movies?
I really like him quite a bit but I feel the relationship is too physical? Am I wrong? There needs to be a balance between emotional closeness, social closeness and physical closeness.
Not just all physical. I feel that if I’m on my period, he may all of a sudden not be interested to see me? Am I wrong?
I want sex all the time, or his hands inside my knickers all the time. But it seems he does?
I just can’t believe some men can be sexually charged like this?

OP posts:
GreyCarpet · 05/02/2025 07:56

Not just all physical. I feel that if I’m on my period, he may all of a sudden not be interested to see me? Am I wrong?

Well, yes, some men are. Just as some men aren't interested at all.and everything in between.

The key here is how you communicate how you feel about it.

If its too much, ask him to slow down, be more gentle etc.explain what you like and want. If you just go along with it and don't say anything, he'll just assume you want the same thing.

As for whether he'll lose interest when you're on your period, no one here can tell you. You'll find out soon enough when it happens, though.

Fwiw, I dated a man like this for a while. I liked it to begin with, but as we spent longer together, I began to feel like a prop in his one man porn fuelled sex fantasy. He was very respectful (and actually quite lovely) when I was on my period though. It means nothing.

But if you don't communicate...

BellissimoGecko · 05/02/2025 07:55

And it's natural to want sex all the time at the start of a relationship, but it doesn't sound as if your bf is listening to what YOU want.

Is he? Can you talk about sex with him? You should be able to. If you are feeling put off or overwhelmed, tell him. And for goodness sake, tell him when he is being too rough. He's in his 50s! He should have more finesse and self-awareness. Or... do you think he likes hurting you? I'd be careful.

dementedpixie · 05/02/2025 07:54

It sounds like the sex is all about his needs. Did you enjoy it? It's not normal to feel sore for days afterwards and that would turn me right off

BellissimoGecko · 05/02/2025 07:52

We had sex and it was as great but he is quite rough and hard. (I’m sore and feel bruised inside me, 3 days later)

What did you say? Did you say ' slow down, you're hurting me, be more gentle'?

That's a massive turn-off and it's not normal.

Swipe left for the next trending thread