To complain about the amount of bereavement leave a colleagues has been given

I thought all NHS was for first degree relative (which your mother is) you get until the funeral - longer than that you need a sicknote

Thats what I had for my dad, I had just over 3 weeks. Colleagues have had over 6 weeks if post mortem was needed and so on - may just be our trust though

Never heard of a phased return after bereavement though

Possibly, but from my many years of work, extended bereavement leave is not something I'm familiar with, but then i don't work in those kind of sectors

YABVU. Your colleague's manager has followed the organisation's process and used their discretion - as the process states they may. You have no idea why your colleague came to this arrangement with their manager and it's absolutely none of your business.

It is, however, reasonable to highlight to management the short-term impact inadequate resources are having. It is poor staffing levels that are the problem, not the bereavement leave or the policy. If you had sufficient staff to start with, one person being away for one month with a phased return over the second month wouldn't cause the extensive problems you claim.

The reason for her absence is irrelevant and a month following the death of her parent isn’t unreasonable. The issue is the poor management in your team that can’t cover for an absence.

It happens to us all one day and when it happens to you I hope your colleagues treat you with more compassion than you are treating this lady.

The understaffing is your managers problem not your colleague.

You should raise understaffing and workload issues but don't mention your colleague's bereavement.

YABU to complain about her leave, special leave is at the managers discretion in the NHS, only a huge inconsiderate dickhead would begrudge a grieving colleague the time of they need. I would take a very dim view of a colleague scrutinising the rota and posting online about what leave other members of the team have.

However YANBU to raise with your manager that you’re struggling with the additional workload.

And we all deal with it differently. I have two colleagues, both whose parents were having cancer treatment. One of them came to work everyday and coped by talking to us and keeping busy, the other needed a couple of months off work. There is no right or wrong way to cope with grief and loss

What a nasty thread, have some compassion Op 😡

There comes a point when the impact of being off becomes unsustainable for colleagues and for the finances of the organisation. My view is that if you can go back, you should.

My DM died when I was in my early 20s. I went back after 11 days - 2 days leave already booked, 2 weekends and 5 days bereavement leave. Was I 'ready'? No. Did it do me good? Yes. It gave me things to do other than sitting at home crying.

Wow try and have a bit of empathy. Your colleague’s leave is absolutely none of your business. Everyone deals with grief in different ways, you can’t dictate it to them how they should deal with it. She might be having MH issues, which again are none of your business. The poor woman, having to work with someone like you. Please try to be nice and understanding to her when she gets back, even though it sounds like this would come very unnaturally to you.

I was just going from what the op said, she didnt mention any of that, but we all go through tough times

Most people I know who lost a parent or childless aunt/uncle and are listed as next of kin have a month off with combination of paid bereavement leave and sick. Especially when gap between death and funeral can be 7 weeks in the UK!

Think employers need to do better with regards to bereavement leave. Nine years ago, a friend lost her DS in a car accident. She had to wait two months into the inquest - she was in no state to return to work. Her manager kept ringing her asking when she was going to return to work. This was despite having sick notes for 6 weeks.

One former colleague lost his DF and had a week to clear the bungalow.

Why does this matter to you that it is bereavement leave? If it wasn't approved as bereavement, and she cannot work then she'd go to her doctor who I am sure would sign her off sick instead. That wouldn't change your workload at all. In fact, it might result in her being off longer.

Aren't you bound by confidentiality in your work? Whether it's bereavement or sickness, despite the fact you do the coding, is NONE of your business. obviously your colleague is not identifiable but you shouldn't be using your knowledge of her confidential information, or discussing it with anyone, anywhere.

Well said.

Where I work I could get up to 6 months sick leave fully paid if needed. I have been lucky enough to never need it so far but it's there. (I have taken one day this year for a family emergency). I don't know what they put that down as and don't really care as it makes no difference to me.
So even if the policy is 3 days if the colleague has said I feel so awful I can't come back to work they have probably just extended the bereavement leave as ultimately it's irrelevant whether she is taking bereavement or sick leave. That would only make a difference if you worked somewhere where there wasn't sick leave. So if she isn't ready to come back to work whether management tell her she will have to take any more leave as sick leave or they don't (in this case) then the end result is the same and she won't be at work.
It's not on though that you all have an unmanageable workload.

Ok. So imagine this;

You find out your husband is having an affair and wants a divorce. You also have two young children that need caring for, one has a health condition that takes a lot of looking after. At the same time…
You are having investigations to see if you have cancer, but are managing to hold it together and stay in work.

It’s hard but with support you are doing a good job.

Then your mum dies suddenly. She was your rock. The one supporting you through the cancer investigations and divorce. The one helping you with childcare.

Is it too long to take off now?

NEVER EVER judge someone’s grief.

Kindly, you're being a dick OP! The issue is not her leave, it's your managers lack of support.

I agree. And different roles. My role requires me to be cognitively and emotionally functioning highly. I can’t do my job if I can’t process complex ideas and maintain my emotional equilibrium. Had I been in one of my jobs I did as a student like waitressing or admin, I’d have been able to go back to work sooner. I had to take enough time off that I could do my job safely and sustainably.

That does seem like a long time

What a downright awful suggestion. The problem is not the leave being approved. It's the fact that her team mates have no or little empathy.

This

We had a very similar scenario in my team a couple of years ago when a colleague lost her mum (very unexpectedly).

Our policy says 3 days, but she was then signed off sick for 6 weeks as she wasn't coping well.
It put a lot of pressure on our team but in no way did any of us feel that was her fault.

It is up to management to deal with staff absence and ensure that the rest of the team are not unduly impacted.

No one knows how they will react to the death of a loved one. When my dad died I had two days off work as that is all I needed. Others need several weeks. There is no right or wrong length of time to grieve.

You need to ask your manager to manage.

Your poor colleague. I had 6 weeks off from my nhs job after my brother died. I’d have been even more devastated if my colleagues were openly complaining about me being off and posting about it on the internet. It wouldn’t be difficult for the person concerned to recognise herself from this thread. I suggest you revisit your GDPR training ASAP as if this came to light, you’d be held personally liable.

As others have said, you need to raise the issue of overwork with your management. Leave your colleague out of it and hand the logging of absences over to someone who can be trusted not to post about them on an open public forum