To complain about the amount of bereavement leave a colleagues has been given

Are you honestly that narrow minded that you think everyone should deal with grief the same way as you? Scary lack of empathy you have there.

Same here. The palliative care nurse said I should get myself signed off for a couple of weeks but I didn't....and my dads death hit me badly several months down the line

The effect is exactly the same whether it’s called sick leave or bereavement leave. The issue is expecting the rest of the team to cover.

hit post too soon!

Express your concerns about the workload and the toil. Not your colleague.

ffs as usual the reading comprehension on here
OP states clearly 'it is bereavement and not sick leave'
first few posters 'it's probably sick leave.' 🙄

However, saying that, the posters who have pointed out that if the employer didn't agree to extending the bereavement leave the colleague would have almost definitely just gone sick instead, therefore OP would have been in exactly the same boat, are correct. Given it's the NHS, presumably sick leave would also be paid out of the same budget, so it's not as though there would have been money spare to pay for temp staff, as there might have been in other orgs that have limited pay for sick leave.

While I understand it can be frustrating for OP and her colleagues, from the managers point of view there's probably little that can be done. They still have to pay this woman whether she's on sick or bereavement leave so there's no money to pay for additional staff. From their POV it's better to keep a good relationship with the staff member rather than forcing her to come back or go to the dr, as a) that might make her feel supported to come back earlier, rather than just thinking 'fuck it I'll get signed off for another month then,' and b), if this woman is a good worker then someone being off for a month or two is negligible when compared to the years she might work for the organisation.

If you lose a good member of staff, you'll end up paying thousands in recruitment costs anyway, and will still end up with someone who might not be as good (or even competent), and even if they are great there will still be a delay while recruitment takes place and they get trained and up to speed. Therefore, long term, even from a purely business POV and not an emotional/good employer one it's worth giving people a bit of leeway when possible.

I've had a colleague who has been off for nearly a year after a bereavement (exceptional circs due to the type of loss), if I'm honest I just think how lucky I am to work somewhere so compassionate.

People grieve I’m different ways and need different amount of times to get back to work

Your actual issue is with your manager not allowing toil to be used, allowing significant amounts of toil to accrue and expecting you all to pick up colleagues work as well as your own. So you need to have a formal meeting with them, explain how you and the others feel, ie burnt out etc, and see what plans they have in place to support you, and get your toil used

I was going to say, usually it is 3 days as bereavement and then sick leave. 4 weeks is classed as long term sick leave and therefore would return on a phased return basis but again that is discretionary on the manager

Yes you would be being unreasonable. You have no right to complain about the positive treatment of a colleague. What you do have a right to complain about is detriment and difficulty for yourself. So stick to this and complain about your unreasonable work load, refusal of TOIL etc without linking the two. Their responsibility to you does not include changing their behaviour to her, so its an unreasonable ask. It does include ensuring you are not suffering detriment, so stick to that.

This is one of the most horrible OPs I have read on Mumsnet.

If a patient needed an expensive treatment as an NHS to improve their lives for six months then the prescriber would have to apply for funding looking at all the criteria and then may be accepted or refused.
My former manager being off for six months probably cost the NHS about £70000+ (8c salary plus pension and national insurance).

It’s sounds like it’s been granted at manager’s discretion, do you know the detail that has been agreed here? I think probably no, so in that case it’s not your concern how much leave she has been granted.

Approach manager about the lack of safe staffing levels, which is very much your concern

Christ. You sound delightful. Let's hope you never have to manage a traumatic bereavement. I can't actually believe you have wrote this!!

Get on with your work and mind your own business.

I understand your point OP. In fact it would do some of the nasty posters on here to READ your first para:

To preface, this is not about my colleague who I really like and I feel truly horrendous for her that she's lost her Mum. By all means, they should do what they need to for them and why not take this if its being offered. My issue is with the management who have approved it.

Your managers appear to be emotionally blackmailing you and your colleagues to cover work for free (because it's bereavement leave, don't complain) when they should be hiring a temp/temps to provide adequate cover. It's absolutely not fair that you and your colleagues should have to do that.

But it is for the managers that approved the leave to sort the cover out. You can't oblige a grieving person to work when they cannot. It's not about the leave approved, it's about the lack of a replacement. Your managers would be really stuffed if they lost more staff due to burn out or stress.

This is one of the most disgusting, heartless, vile things I've read on MN.

It's a job. At the end of the day it doesn't bloody matter if you're behind, or late, it's just a damn job. Someone has lost one of the mos important people in their lives, and doesn't deserved to be rushed through their grief because it would be more convenient for you. JFC.

Only correct reply!

My friends mum recently died and she's finding she needs a lot of time to do all the admin nevermind the actual grieving! YABU, a parent dying can be awful and there's no rushing the grieving process

When my dad died, my brother was told to take as much time as needed by his work. I only worked 1 day a week at the time but my employer said the same. Neither of us took more than a couple of weeks. I don't think the leave she has been granted is any of your business. If you can't cope with the workload then you should speak to your managers about that, in isolation. Keep your colleague's bereavement and the leave out of it because it just makes you sound really unkind to question the amount of time she needs.

Surely not all that is bereavement - she is likely signed off sick now, in which case your manager has no control over that anyway.

Some managers (as well as some staff, such as the OP) use policy in a text book fashion. And yes those are the worst managers, with the unhappiest teams.

The OP should be grateful to have an understanding manager, because at some point she'll need that understanding too, and be grateful for her colleauges picking up the slack.

The OP is NHS. There is no such thing as cover for annual and sick leave. The NHS runs on the goodwill of (some) staff.

We had a real bitch of a senior manager NHS wouldn't let people have more than minimum bereavement or compassionate or carers leave. Refused Christmas leave (the three days in the middle) for someone with very young children and the nursery was closed saying don't they have another parent (well actually no) - the rest of the team were okay about the arrangement. She took over post merger of a trust and was not happy that people had already booked leave during school holidays (again team happy as the others were happy to have leave when travel was cheaper).
We then found out she had been off for six months when her mother died but obviously didn't think that compassion applied to other people.
Fortunately she left a few months later to a promotion FFS elsewhere.

3 days bereavement leave is nothing. It’s good that the company is giving her more. They need to find a way to make it work.

Think I'd be acknowledging how difficult uour colleagues life is right now and obviously it's important she receives what she needs, but is there any way ghat rather than remaining staff suffering with the additional work, that staff could be brought in to help with some roles, or even a manager to step up for a few days a week!

If you do not understand what complex grief can look like, you are very lucky.