Should DH have offered?

You should have asked, and you should have done it several hours before he was due to go out. Not passive aggressive martyr comments as he's leaving and then while he's on his way.

Night shifts for a doctor means he's not going to be easy to replace, and will be doing direct patient work on wards or surgery, it's not a paperwork day.

Moving forward can you look into some regular respite for your child to give you a proper break?

You wanted your Dr dh to stay at home because you have colds? The nhs is on its knees as it is! Could you imagine phoning into work with that excuse?

I completely get that you are exhausted and feel unsupported and your husband could do better on that front but I do think you're being unreasonable in wanting him to offer to stay home.

Sorry to hear you feel rubbish!

I think there's a few separate bits - the part about him working 70 hours a week and his career is his priority - he's the sole provider for an entire family, including disabled children - his career needs to be important to him to allow to do that. Being a doctor is such a vocation that it does take really dedicated individuals, something which was seen in a positive light to begin with but now isn't.

I don't think this whole issue should be around "offering" - if you need help, ask. Don't base your feelings of being respected on him offering things, it's setting everyone up for failure. Especially if you're then going to throw out passive aggressive remarks + phone calls about it, especially as he's heading to a shift.

If you've all got a cold that's crap, especially when you're struggling to sleep and looking after children - but if you're not throwing up / unable to physically look after the children / unable to leave bed, then I can see why he would assume he can still go to work.

For the finances aside you might as well be a single parent comment - that's a horrible thing to throw in the face of someone you say is loyal and dependable, who's working 70 hour weeks to keep the family afloat, especially as they're on their way to work.

It must be very difficult to have a disabled child, but you have taken on the role of SAHM while your husband goes out to earn the family crust. It’s all very well saying, “he knows I’d limp through and tell him to go” - but from his POV, this is an entirely meaningless exchange. He has a responsible job and responsibilities to others at that job: he can’t just drop everything, and as a doctor, can you imagine what his fellow doctors would say if he so much as intimated that you expected him to stay at home because you have a cold? Sorry, OP, but the thing about motherhood is that there’s no time off for good behaviour - you just have to get through it. Your DH’s career has to be his number one priority, just as the DC are yours. Do you have any other help you could call on? Don’t feel aggrieved: your DH is simply doing his best for your household, and your DC deserve two parents - so stop with the resentment and concentrate on the fact that he’s “a fantastic provider, loyal and dependable”.

You sound as if you never get a break and he sounds as if he isn’t interested in parenting. Does he bring anything positive to the relationship beyond financial support?

Your DH is a doctor. He cannot just offer to stay home as the DC are unwell. It’s crap and it sounds incredibly tough, but so does a 70hr week. I think you’re being unfair to him, as offering isn’t an option. Who will cover his shift at such short notice? If you or DC were seriously unwell that’s different, but he can’t offer to stay home everytime you all get a cold.

So you wouldn’t have asked him to stay off but you just wanted him to offer? Am I reading it right?

I don’t think your DH should be staying home when you have a heavy cold, sorry.

You are being unreasonable and need to get a grip. I feel sorry for the husband.