To think DP's Ex is selfish - RANT

A man who doesn’t have a bedroom for his kids wouldn’t be granted full custody

Reaponses like this really show how wrong you can get it when you take an op at face value for the one snapshot they post about that time.
Read the thread I just linked to.

The partner works mw and spends all his money on booze, and all of ops spare money too, but the op thinks this is fine, he also does no housework or childcare or their joint kid. Oh, and the op thinks it's a good idea to have another child with him,

Yeah, the dp spends hundreds a week on booze and gaming and has to borrow money from op and doesn't contribute at all to their shared child, nor did he get a home with any room to have the kid to stay, let alone live, so I don't think residency will be an option here, and op is definitely over exaggerating about the ex after multiple threads on how shit her dp is.

The replies on this post are ridiculous. OP maybe you have worded it wrong but to me it makes sense. If a man was claiming he had no money for maintenance or on his days with DC everyone would jump in to say what a dick he was but because it's the woman choosing to spend her finances elsewhere instead of their DC it's fine, she shouldn't have to pay ANYTHING for the child because the man should pay it all. Ridiculous, I'm guessing there's a lot of ex wives on here who do the same judging by replies.

For those that haven't read the other thread, the ops partner is a waste of oxygen...

To think DP is being selfish http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/5262279-to-think-dp-is-being-selfish

Your DP needs to get a solicitor I solved and ask for full custody. If she can't budget well enough and is choosing manicures over feeding her child then she is not fit to have the child full time. As for days out, your partner needs to put his child first and not let his ex dictate what he does during his time (as long as the child is safe).

So on your other thread you detail your prat of a partner spends £100s on booze every week and your thought process on that was 'why deny him that.'
But the ex is not allowed a coffee which is probably about £20 a week for 4.

Why?

Can you think why you think one is ok and justified and the other is not?

Your life is a miserable shit show op. But, and I don't normally victim blame, but it's due to shit decision after shit decision that you are making.

This guy is a complete waste of space. Continue not realising that, and making shit decision after shit decision and you will be the one paying for that for years and years to come. Oh, and however many more children you plan on adding to this shit show.

No they aren’t all feckless wasters but OP’s DH definitely is

And of course she’s paying for more than water on her 4 days.

What’s him housing his kids got to do with his ex? How much he spends on his days has no bearing on her costs

Maybe have child more so he doesn't miss out on e oeriencez - maintenance doesnt actually cover everything needed Agree she should not be spending g on hair. Nails etc then clai.ing no mo ey for food - she's chosen to spend it elsewhere.

My ex’s bitter betty of a gf says all the same things about me. In reality whilst my incoming might be high. So are my outgoings, not that she knows anything at all about my bills and the amounts of them. Just like you know nothing about hers. You can ask him to stop sending over money or buying things, but sounds like he’s happy to provide so leave him to it. If it’s starting to affect your personal money then have a word.

Anyway this is a derail for OP.

But despite what @JandamiHash and the general Mumsnet narrative says, not all NRPs are feckless wasters, many incur similar costs (but aren’t bailed out by the government) and yes, some mums do make a profit from child maintenance.

I think as long as you aren’t sending her any money from your income and as long as your income isn’t facilitating your DH sending her more eg you pay more on bills so he can spend less on bills to allow him to send her more, then it’s fine. He has to pay maintenance for his child, but if they start looking your way then it’s a no.

And when it comes to days out, your DH needs to firmly put his foot down and tell her to fuck off. If she wants to do fun things with her child then she will have to budget for it. She’s doing her child a real disservice by depriving him of opportunities and fun days out with his dad. As you said in your thread title, selfish!

He also houses the kids, pays for bills, food, fuel, parties and everything else on his time. His mortgage doesn’t get cheaper because they’re at their mum’s for a night.

The only extras she pays for are incredibly minimal like the water for showers on those four days a month. And she’s supposed to be contributing too so that’s £600 additional cost for two kids (don’t know where you got three from) for four school days. Of course she’s making a profit.

Unless you think most people spend over 2k a month on each child after accounting for all their housing, transport, school, clothing and personal costs?

4 days extra a month when you consider housing costs, bills, food, and all the other things that happen in ‘her’ time like parties, fuel etc, for 3 kids will cost more than £75 a day. She is it making a profit from £300

No, because she also is expected to contribute to their costs. Do you not understand that? She has them for four days a month more than he does.

You think his ex has leftover money for 3 kids from a measly £300 a month 😂😂hilarious

Also I’m guessing OP’s 2 SC do sleep on the floor as there’s no bedroom for them

Claire's income is not your business. Claire spending is not your business. Your days out are not Claire's business. I'd she's struggling for shopping then send over a bag of shopping or offer to push the child up for his dinner.

Of course they do. My brother has his kids three days a week and pays £300 a month child maintenance. They have bedrooms and everything they need at both houses, he pays half of uniform and any other big costs. Do you really think it costs her £600 in extra costs for those four days a month at hers when they’re at school?

Everyone on Mumsnet seems to think most stepchildren are sleeping on their dad’s floors for one day a month whilst the mums are heroic superheroes doing everything. It’s not true.

Oh! This thread paints a very different picture to the one about the household items, but DH spending all the OP’s money on gaming equipment and going to the pub.

But that one also seemed to resent the DH spending money on contributing to his son so I shouldn’t be surprised.

OP - your problem, to the extent that you have one, is your “D”H. He flutters your money way on booze and gaming stuff. He is supposed to look after his child!

Sort out your DH and you won’t be as resentful of his ex wife.

The food money - perhaps they need to regularise the maintenance and contact better as the things you say she does don’t sound excessive for a working person and don’t seem to add up to the level your DH spend purely on himself by a long chalk! Sounds like he should be contributing more in the first place when I put this together with your other thread.

The fun days out - without more it sounds like YANBU there but equally are you sure it’s his exw stopping you rather than your crappy H?

Because OP is a profiling posters whose posts aren’t consistent, and this should be pointed out when claiming the ExW is the problem when actually we know it’s her DP spending £200 a week on booze

As they should. But unless your ex is a millionaire no woman is making a profit from maintenance

You do realise some NRPs pay for all that too, right?