DD demanding chocolate when she's on her period

Unless there is as backstory here of being manipulative I would view this as a chance to connect with her and have some empathy.

choc can definitely help and a little bit of chocolate with some time spent discussing self care could help. I don’t think it’s something to resist personally…

Bloody hell. She's your daughter. She's feeling a bit ropey. She fancies some chocolate that will cost you less than a quid. Isn't this the kind of stuff that mums are for?

I'm 44 and my mum came over and made me dippy eggs this week because I've got a rotten cold.

The thing is my mum likes me. And I like my kids. We all look after each other.

This is how mine are too and have been since the first one, something my DM had never experienced herself and yet she managed to be nurturing and supportive of me. I’ve had four unmedicated births and they were a cakewalk in comparison to the menstrual cramps I have every month, I’ll gladly accept some chocolate and pampering and supply it for my daughters as well.

I think it's more anti-sisterhood to dismiss somebody's pain just because it's originating from their uterus, so cannot possibly be as bad as they think and even if it is, tough shit, stop whining and get on with your housework/chores like a normal little fembot.

I've run the First Aid/Medical room in a school. Some girls would occasionally come along if they were having a particularly painful period, if they needed some spare clothing, some you'd never see unless they needed an extra pad and some would look grey, some would throw up or faint, plenty had period shits (diarrhoea and bowel pain), some had the sharp pain nicknamed javelin arse (there's a version that goes straight up the pubis, too), some were later diagnosed with endometriosis and/or severe anaemia and some had full blown contractions and would pass decidual casts before falling asleep from exhaustion. And some would decide that if this is just all part of being a woman that they weren't having anything to do with the entire business (yes, often Autistic) and they would do anything to stop this continuing for the next 40 years.

The one thing that stood out was that being caring towards them made them feel better. For some it was being sympathetic and encouraging them to move around (and go back to class), others needed a calm person to fetch them emergency clothing, some needed an independent adult to call home to let them know that this was not a normal level of pain and a GP appointment would be a good idea and some needed twenty minutes to curl up with a hot water bottle to get over the sharpest pains before returning to class for the rest of the day. Oh, and somebody to supervise them taking their painkillers to make sure that they didn't accidentally overdose by taking more over the course of a day.

Nobody's period ever became pleasant or inconsequential as a result of another woman telling them one way or another tough luck, this is your life as long as you have a uterus, you're letting The Side Down. And it makes me sad to think of the thousands of girls I saw, for some of them, I could have been the only woman who had spoken to them kindly about it.

Are these the same men who get out a raggy dressing gown and make death rattles every time they have a cold? Because their opinions on what women are supposedly like on their periods is of no value to anyone. If as a woman you never have a bad period or the menopause is a non event for you, great. But most women will face a gynaecological issue at some point in their lives. To talk about it, it does start small. It’s that token of sympathy even if it’s not ‘that bad’ (and even without pain, it’s not exactly a pleasant experience). It’s recognising just because it has to happen doesn’t mean it’s a non event.

You can say what you want about your own period, as long as you realise it’s not the same for everyone, and therefore what works for one person won’t work for another.

What do you mean by ‘surely women shouldn’t become invalids for 25% of their lives’.

It's not anti-sisterhood to say you're lucky with your periods. It is if you're saying that because you can manage, everyone else can.

Naproxen doesn't properly touch my periods but it's the only thing they'll prescribe me. I still vomit, am doubled over in pain and pass huge clots every month - thankfully mine only last three days. I don't care that some hypothetical man reading this thread might think women are delicate or incapable based on that. They can think what they like. We shouldn't have to feel like we're letting the side down if our biology genuinely affects us.

I tend to crave red meat when I have my period just to throw that into the mix. Is that more or less entitled than chocolate?

She will remember the little things like that one day rather the big gestures. If someone asked me what made my mum so kind/loving etc, it'd be the things like sending me surprise packages at university with brownies, not the bigger things like financial help.

I'm with you on this. It's feels somehow anti-sisterhood these days to say 'erm I barely notice when I have my period actually, it is and always has been a non-issue'. So it would seem to men reading this stuff that all women are laid low on the sofa for a week a month

'every woman' doesn't know this. I've never heard of period cravings before this thread! Pregnancy cravings, yes. But periods? No

It's great isn't it(!)

I've had heavy painful periods since I started them at 9. When I was about 30 I mentioned to the GP I thought I might have endometriosis. Got a head tilt and "if you don't want the pill there's nothing we can do, no we wouldn't do a referral"
I didn't know much about it then and thought oh well that must be normal

Went for a kidney scan after changing doctors which found a big ovary cyst. They sent me for an ultrasound and MRI. Referred to gynae with a 12 - 18 month wait

I'm 41 at this point and found to be so full with endometriosis that I need surgery with a bowel surgeon there, risking having my ovaries removed, a catheter, 2 giant cysts, my ovaries tied together with scar tissue....and it's another 6 months for the surgery

It sounds like some awful American thing that has come through tiktok or similar.
Do Americans still do 'period parties'?
My sweet summer 11 yo dd has said to me 'when I get my period I'm just going to eat chocolate all day.' I have to stop myself doing a head tilt and saying 'bless'.
I had no help or even information from my mum as a teen & had to deal with periods on my own. I'll be there for my dd.

I get wanting to look after your young teen because periods as a teen are shit, but you learn to deal with it, and no one's going to 'pamper' you when you grow up & go out to work or whatever.

Can she not buy her own chocolate anyway?

Most chocolate that people crave is high sugar which causes inflammation and likely to make period pain worse.
Or cause it in the first place.

Very dark low or no sugar chocolate may help because of the magnesium and other substances in the cacao bean but it’s bitter and an acquired taste, unlikely to appeal to someone craving a sweet treat.

My husband takes our boys out to buy me treats when I'm on my period. I hope they do the same for their wives in the future. I will certainly spoil my girls when they start having periods.

Me and my mum were never overly close and my mum was far from the panderinf type of mum(typical mum and teenager relationship!) but I'm glad having periods was the one of the things I always felt comfortable discussing with my mum, it was never anything I was embarrassed about. My mum had equally debilitating periods as a teenager so probably why she was so sympathetic and I remember her taking me back and forth to the doctors about it (I later found out about 20 years later I had a tilted uterus which I suspect was the cause of them!).

As someone said it's these acts of kindness I remember. I don't think a few days of extra tlc every did anyone ever harm.

Doesn't she have any pocket money she can spend on some?

I rather think that the reason periods aren't taken seriously by medical professionals is because women are treated like silly little girls for expressing any kind of pain or discomfort, and are told to just shut up and get on with it. Perhaps something we could bear in mind on this thread...

Bloody hell its not about the chocolate. She wants her mam to show her some care when she's probably in pain and feeling crap. Yes I buy my dd chocolate if I think she's having a bad time of it. Guess what, when she notices i'm having a bad period she'll often go buy a bar of chocolate for me. We must be so dysfunctional.

"And I'm suprised at how many people keep chocolate in their house as a standard. I mean, I'd love to be able to but I have zero self control and would just inhale it immediately." Maybe other people have that self control???

Also, chocolate aside, I am loving the idea that you can go to a doctor and tell them, especially as a teenage girl, that you have heavy and painful periods and they can immediately sort you out. It took me several years of nagging before I was even prescribed naproxen for periods so painful I used to vomit.

14, feels rough, wants her mum to treat her kindly. Is there something wrong with that?

I crave chocolate on my period, can't help it!
I would have some of her faves in the house for when she wants some around the time of the month. But demands and pampering etc - no!

What struck me is that when I was a teenager I would never discuss that I was on my period with my parents as I felt it was private and would have been embarrassed . Appreciate mine were manageable and not overly painful though. I think it’s a good thing to be able to discuss it openly request chocolate!

This is a woman preparing herself a nice snack and drink and lighting a candle before getting into a bath she has run for herself. Giving yourself a little bit of extra comfort when you're feeling a bit rough is not illegal you know. Giving your daughters a little bit of extra comfort when they are feeling rough is also not illegal and isn't going to turn them into entitled monsters.

I’d have liked that as a teenager. Wanting to eat chocolate and be pampered isn’t a bad thing.