DD demanding chocolate when she's on her period

I think we've established that not all women experience periods in the same way.

A 14 year old can buy herself some chocolate. But it is lovely to know that your mum is thinking about you and cares for you and would do a little token thing to make you feel a bit better.

No wonder our young people in a mental health crisis. Even when they are actively seeking support and comfort from a parent they are being denied it. It's probably a lot to do with why women soldier on to their own detriment. They know not to bother asking for help and support because when they do they are told that "other women don't need that".

It's bizarre to me that people are saying being kind to your loved ones during a period is "new". Or from social media. My dad did this for me donkeys years back, and he did it for my mum. DH remembers his own dad doing it for his mum, and both parents doing it for his sister. My DH is a 40 year old man who doesn't even use SM, and at 35 I barely do either.

And what does OP's DD mean by "pampering"? Apparently baths, chocolate, and nice food is considered pampering on MN. In my world, they're normal things I get from DH every day, and vice versa. They just ramp up when I'm on.

I doubt OP's daughter is asking for a spa day, whale music, a pony, new designer PJ'S, and sanitary towels made from pure gold. She probably just wants some chocolate, a nice tea, and a hot waterbottle from her Mum. Hardly mind blowing stuff.

I have baths, fluffy socks and candles every day of the month. Cosy PJs, an oodie, an electric throw and often I even switch the heating on. Clearly, I missed the memo about keeping a spartan prison like home, taking a 2 minute cold shower a day and wearing a sack.

And probably old enough to buy it herself with pocket money or allowance or whatever, too, I'd have thought? 🤔

If my daughters want chocolate on their period they can have chocolate. It they need a hot water bottle il make them one, if they ask me to bring them painkillers or run them a bath, I will. It's not an ardorous task and it's nice to be cared for a bit when you feel a bit shit. My DH does the same for me if I'm feeling crap some months and will do for the girls too if asked.

pamper them when they are cycling -

I thought for a moment this was when they went out on their bikes.

I don't specifically have to buy my DD chocolate because we have everything in the house all the time anyway. She can have chocolate whenever within reason...it's in the cupboard. We also always have cake and biscuits. Plenty of healthier foods available too. You do sound a bit mean...it's pretty normal to crave sweet food around that time.

To me there's a clear line between making a period into a "thing" or a drama, with pampering and attention on misery, which I wouldn't like. Periods are a normal part of life, we don't need new PJs and to snuggle up as a family every time it happens. If you have two daughters that could be up to one snuggle fest per week.

But on the other hand, if she does crave chocolate or if a little sweet would make her feel better, then of course she should have access to it. I always eat more chocolate when on my period, and I wouldn't deny it to my daughter

Did you also have to walk 15 miles to school uphill both ways?

The body craves things like chocolate on a period don't be mean buy her some ! Do you not have chocolate ever ?

Having chocolate in the house or letting her have pocket money to buy it - not an unreasonable request

Expecting monthly “pampering” (not sure what that would involve) sounds unreasonable on the face of it.

I would by my dd a bit of dark chocolate if she wanted it and I was passing the shops though

I never have, presumably I’m not extra special in this way. I thought it was a bit of a broad brush statement.

Not that I think the op shouldn’t just buy her daughter a bueno or something, it’s hardly bank breaking stuff.

The pampering expectation is very entitled though.

I wouldn't be giving in to her demanding chocolate, but if she's just asking nicely then I really don't see an issue.
I currently have my period and am craving chocolate, so I ate 2 Flakes. It made me feel better. Will I do the same tomorrow? Possibly.
I remember suffering from excruciating period pain as a teenager but my mum's approach was that as she hadn't experienced them, so I just had to shut up & get on with everything. On the days it was really bad I would have loved a hot water bottle & blanket on the sofa, with some chocolate after school.

If by pampering she means chocolate and a hot water bottle or wheat bag then yes because periods are shite especially in teenage years.

It's not chocolate per se that women 'want'.

PMS is known to trigger cravings for carbs and sugar.

It's not a 'thing' though to eat them once a period starts. Or create a competition of which mums buy you sweet stuff or not.

Yup. Same here. Age 52, no one has ever treated me like I am some delicate flower that has to be handled with care just because of something entirely normal happening.
God help these kids once they reach the workplace if they think that a period needs special treatment.

Wow this must be a social media contagion thing. Why on earth would you need someone to pamper you and buy you chocolate?

I have horrendous periods, I want someone to buy me Co codomol and keep my hot water bottle topped up. I don't want a crunchie with a bow on it and a shoulder rub.

Surely this gives the nessaged that periods are something we must suffer and therefore we deserve pampering for making it through? Periods are normal. If you feel crap you need to get whatever helps but if you're OK you get on with it.

Surely at 14 she can drop by the shop on the way to school and buy some chocolate or grab a chocolate biscuit out of the cupboard?

When I was young, I ate chocolate just once a month - I'd get an intense craving for it during my period. Maybe there's something in it that her body needs.

Why not buy it and give her a hot water bottle or whatever pampering she wishes she had? It costs nothing to show a bit of loving kindness to your child.

When I was 14 I sometimes had painful periods - not to the point that I couldn't go to school but still heavy cramping. Both my parents could tell when I was having a time of it as I'd look tired apparently. It wasn't every month but when I had a bad first day it was horrible.

When I got home from school my dad, who was always in before my mum, would hand me a Mars Bar and tell me a hot water bottle was on my bed. He knew the benefit of a bit of sugar and some TLC. I didn't become a person that 'gave into period pain', nor did I get 'hooked on chocolate'. I just learned what I needed on the occasional time my period caused me problems - better to have a bar of chocolate, feel better and carry on rather than having to take a day off because you feel like shite. And anyway, what's wrong with giving yourself some TLC occasionally?

I'm also someone who can get a bit 'woozy' if I give blood or when I had to have investigations because I was having problems conceiving. I don't know if it's blood pressure or 'shock' related. But chocolate used to be my stand by as it would give me a hit that seemed to stabilise me so I used to buy a bar on my way to hospital. If I needed it, it was there and would be guaranteed to work.

I agree.

I'm team @Globusmedia

Where did all this come from?

I always eat chocolate the day before my period - craving I can't stop. If she wants it get it for her

I certainly did when I had periods.

That's your DD and she's 14. To coin a MN phrase "give your head a wobble".

My eldest DD is 23 now and was a bit down this week so I sent her a small bar of chocolate in the post, I think it's a privilege to be able to do that for your own child. FFS, competitive misery on MN sometimes. Makes me think how on earth you will cope with problems as she grows older and you feel the need to restrict the comfort available to her.

What a heap of rubbish!

I think the chocolate is sort of a metaphor here, OP. It’s her asking her mum for a cuddle and to acknowledge she hasn’t taken periods/puberty in her stride and that part of her is still a little girl wanting her mum to kiss her owie better.

So, just buy her some chocolate? Show her you love her and she is still your little girl.

This is not the hill to die on today…