Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's normal for opposite sexes to develop feelings in close proximity

34 replies

laaadylaa · 04/02/2025 10:45

Just curious what people's opinions are on this. I know people say men and women can be friends with no feelings and I don't necessarily disagree.

But would you say it's normal, when in close proximity to someone day in day out, of the opposite sex, to develop feelings or attraction?

Admittedly I'm trying to stem my own guilt and bit. I'm married and I love my husband, we have a good relationship 99% of the time and I am not in any way considering leaving.

However, I work very closely with a man at work and I can't help but feel a bit of tug toward him sometimes and I feel so bad about it. We don't flirt and nothing would ever happen but we do banter and talk a lot at work and I feel like if I weren't with DH I'd like to be with this man. I sometimes find myself day dreaming about what it would be like with him.

I'm normal aren't I? I'm not some hideous wife?!

Unfortunately no option of not working with him so I'm just being careful in our conversations not to let anything get inappropriate and hoping this fades (but it's been years!)

OP posts:
wipeywipe · 04/02/2025 13:52

I think it depends, I've worked with men & not experienced it but my work isn't that intense & teams are bigger. It's very common in the police & hospitals so I think an element of what you say does exist.

Noodlesand · 04/02/2025 13:48

I think it's normal, particularly with work colleagues, because generally at work, everyone presents their best, most competent self.

Have had an on-off crush on my manager for a few years. We are on very similar wavelengths, pretty much on the same page and have the same thoughts about work-related issues and a lot of other issues too. Also have similar family dynamics and both had a parent die from the same illness within a couple of years.

There is some chemistry there, but neither of us would risk the massive fallout of doing anything... If we were both single however...

pimplebum · 04/02/2025 13:38

It’s called a crush if it stays in your head

an affair if it ends up in your pants

I am bi sexual and have not had either with any work colleagues mainly because they are all knobs

Icanttakethisanymore · 04/02/2025 13:37

It's not inevitable to develop feelings for someone of the opposite sex just because you see them a lot but obviously it can happen and I wouldn't say it's abnormal or a problem either. You are not a terrible wife!

MemorableTrenchcoat · 04/02/2025 13:34

Of course it’s normal. It’s literally how humans have evolved to operate.

Kaminari · 04/02/2025 13:33

HRTQueen · 04/02/2025 13:31

Of course its normal to have these feelings, equally its normal not to

emotional and sexual attraction to others does not stop because you are happily married

put people in close proximity and many will start to have feelings that they didn't expect to

its a choice on acting on them

Spot on

HRTQueen · 04/02/2025 13:31

Of course its normal to have these feelings, equally its normal not to

emotional and sexual attraction to others does not stop because you are happily married

put people in close proximity and many will start to have feelings that they didn't expect to

its a choice on acting on them

Ferrazzuoli · 04/02/2025 13:29

It's pretty normal I think to fancy a colleague and have feelings of "if we were both single....". If you don't flirt or do anything to jeopardise your marriage then this is pretty harmless.

Catza · 04/02/2025 13:26

I can think of a dozen men I worked with and lived with in houseshares and I can honestly say that I don't think it is normal. We currently have a male lodger. He has lived with us for 3 years. He is a nice chap but I do a happy dance every time he buggers off to see his family.
I am not saying you are a horrible wife but these feelings is not something to expect just due to proximity of another male.

Swipe left for the next trending thread