To think it's normal for opposite sexes to develop feelings in close proximity

I don't think it's normal to develop feelings just because you are in close proximity- no. I do think it's normal to have a crush now and again. That's not really anything to do with close proximity though. That's due to meeting someone you have chemistry with. If you were both single these are the people you would probably date. As you're not they're not and are just someone you have chemistry with.

Common, not "normal"

There are stats which support the idea that working long hours in close proximity sees more affairs happen - retail and the legal field spring to mind. However, I don’t think that makes the behaviour normal per se.

I have a couple of male colleagues I get on really well with but in the same kind of way I get on really well with my brother.

Its normal for heterosexual people to feel attracted to the opposite sex. It's also normal for attraction to grow out of respect, friendship and regard, especially if the person makes you feel good about yourself with their special attention, kindness, compliments and so on. However just because it's normal doesn't mean it's not a massive risk to your primary relationship if you don't take great care. If you don't want this to escalate into something threatening to your marriage, you should really step right away now. Because imagining being with him is only a step away from wishing you were (when your husband annoys you or doesn't give you the attention you need etc) and that's just a step away from finding a way to be with him more.

I too work in male dominated industry and no I dont fancy my colleagues. Plus people put on a different persona at work and at home.

I think it’s normal.

You can think about it, but don’t do it.

No I don’t think it’s normal.

That's not normal for me

It’s not normal for me. If I’m attracted to someone, it happens immediately. Later after I get to know them or get used to them, it might wear off. It has only happened to me a handful of times in my life. It never happens the other way. If the attraction isn’t there from the start, no amount of time spent in close proximity will create it. But that’s just me.

I've worked in male dominated environments and for many years worked with one particular colleague where extensive travel was involved to the point that I spent considerably more time with him than with dh.

Never ever have I felt even the stirrings of sexual anything with any of my colleagues. I consider them to be great friends, and love them as such, but would no more be able to imagine being in a sexual relationship with them than I could with a family member.

I agree that you probably need to spice things up with your dh if you have feelings that are having to latch onto inappropriate places. It's not uncommon, life gets monotonous and repetitive sometimes, but the solution is to address it at home rather than deflecting it onto a third party.

That amused me

I am able to completely change their personalities in my head

probably why I end up so disappointed in relationships and with my crushes

there are NO crushes

No. I work in a male environment as one of 2 women.
I work well with the guys above me as well as the ones below me. Yes we have laughter and bunter it's actually a great team and things work well between us.
But there are crushes or secret attractions as far as I'm concerned.

Maybe you need to reflect on your relationship with DH and explore your own unfulfilled fantasies to find out what is causing this.

I don't think that it's something that just always automatically happens when you're in close proximity with someone a lot - but I certainly think it's normal to have crushes on people now and again and to idly wonder what things would have been like in a different life if you'd ended up with them instead of your partner. I don't think it means you're a terrible wife - the key thing is that you're not acting upon it.

I'm very happy with my DP and have been for the past 22 years. I adore him and would never cheat on him ever in a billion years. But there have been a couple of occasions when I've got to know someone at work and thought 'If I wasn't with DP...' about them. I can also think of two men I know solely through social media who I would definitely consider asking out on a date if I wasn't already taken. If DP ever broke my heart and left me, I know full well they are totally the two men I would approach for a date on the rebound!

Ultimately, it is very normal for people to be a bit attracted to someone other than their partner. Let's face it, it's biology. If you were to act upon it or start flirting and having intense emotional conversations all the time etc with them, it would be shitty behaviour, but just having that feeling about someone without doing anything about it is very normal and not something to feel guilty about. It sounds like you're being very careful and sensible in terms of not letting it go any further.

Not for me, I made a pledge from starting work there there would be no workplace romances because I saw from jobs I had before leaving school what utter crap can rain down from them, but I can see it with other people.

Like many others though I have been the object of co-workers crushes, which is very uncomfortable because I've been subjected to serious SAs at work and it's hard to back away without shouting sod off sometimes. I tend to be bright and breezy and not stick around when someone I know will start getting onto personal and home stuff or banter that develops into something else but I've seen other people not be able to get out of a conversation and struggle with a colleague who clearly fancies them because they are trying to be nice and not get into trouble but they often end up being in trouble because the other person is developing feelings and imagines they are too.

The problem with what you are describing is it only takes one thing to tip, an argument with a partner, grief, a money worry where one of you starts to lean on the other and you can find yourself in a hot water situation. He may not feel the same way but if he does or is the kind to take advantage of an opportunity, it rarely ends well.

We can all fancy people but developing feelings even over the course of years can affect all kinds of unpleasantness if you do not watch yourself. Emotional affairs are as hard if not sometimes harder to get over as physical ones for the APs and their own partners.

I have long been of the opinion that if we ran an experiment pairing 1 million pairs of straight men and women alone in a log cabin for 5 years probably 990,000 would emerge as a couple.

I think this happens a lot when you work in proximity. Don't act on it.

Most men repel me, so I wouldn't say it's normal, no.

I tend to get crushes on men I barely know because I make up their personality and mannerisms in my head and imagine they're the perfect guy for me.

No, workplace attraction is not normal just because they have the correct set of genitals and you’re straight, no. You’ve just encountered one of the people other than your DH that you could potentially have had a happy longterm relationship with — we all run across them from time to time. ‘The one’ is a fiction. We could all have happy relationships with a number of people. Just acknowledge it and move on.

I once worked with someone I realised could have been a potential partner were I not happily married, and I knew he felt the same about me. We never discussed it, and just got on with life as normal colleagues. Neither of us would have contemplated leaving our spouses, or having an affair, so there was nothing to discuss. I moved jobs. We’re still friends, but no longer live in the same country.

I think it’s normal, and really important to turn in to your marriage if you want it to survive. It’s not the feelings that are the problem but how we justify acting on them.

Well no, there are lots of men I've worked with and never entertained the thought.

But if I liked them anyway then the circumstances of daily contact allow feelings to fester.

It's up to you to nip it in the bud.

Not for me. I've worked closely with men, who I've really liked and joked with but there's not been attraction.

It shows how perception is so different. I opened this thread thinking of the misogynistic men that I sometimes have to be in close proximity with and it's true! But my feelings are of revulsion.

OP, if you can't damp down those feelings then stop bantering because that road leads one way and you're toeing it already.

I think it’s not unusual. I can think of times this has happened. Once we stopped working together so much any such “twinges” disappeared entirely. It was clearly about proximity and interaction rather than anything real underlying it.

I can see why so many actors end up with their co stars, imagine not only working so closely together but having to act out a developing relationship too. Plus they tend to be attractive!

Only ever had a crush on a male colleague once, when I was single. No other feelings. But I’m head over heels for DP and I have male friends outside of work that I’ve known for decades and not had feelings for. So maybe I’m trained not to inevitably develop feelings for any man I work/live with in close proximity.

So I don’t think it’s normal OP. It sounds like you've caught feelings!

Half of my friends are male and around half of those I have met through work and still friends with. I’ve never fancied any of them, so I don’t think it’s inevitable, and we have worked in close proximity together for a number of years on various projects.

I have fancied a couple of men at work, but not been friends with them, just a harmless crush - they were pretty dull personality wise!!