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Original poster

Sisters too busy to see me

61 replies

OpalDreaming · 04/02/2025 09:58

So, I live abroad and yes it was my choice but due to my husband's work. I've been living abroad for 5 years and my sisters have never visited me due to financial reasons (they each go on modest family holidays with their nucelar unit and perceive time spent visiting me as taking away from time with their nuclear family something like, if they visited me then they wouldn't have enough time to spend with their own family). They have two girls each, my nieces, and I have one girl, their niece. The girls are between 4-8 yo. My siblings still live near my hometown so our parents do a lot of childcare (after school etc) and the girls (except mine of course) spend time together there. A few weeks ago, I had a unique opportunity to visit my hometown on my own without my partner or daughter for a weekend which meant I was free on both Saturday and Sunday morning. I set this out in advance and said I hoped I'd be able to visit their homes and spend some time with my nieces, and them, whilst I was solo. However, and long story short, they said they are both busy (one siblign gave a reason something like, we have things to do and seeing you would mean we couldn't achieve the things we need to for our fmaily, and the other didn't give a reason and just say they coudn't do it after initially agreeing to it). I am absoilutely devastated. I told them both it was fine, and honestly, I can't imagine ever saying anythign differently because I think the fall out with be too damaging. From my perspective, I am just deeply hurt. I know this focusses on my wants, I wanted to see them (and I'm only talking 30 mins for a cuppa or someat), but I am just so upset. I can't understand why they would say no. I feel so hurt and rejected, I worry for my own daughter because she's a single child and I can't see either of her aunts seems to make an effort to see her. In contrast, I message a friend to see if she was free in one of the slots and she said something like, I'll make it free it'll be so great to see you. Am I being unreasonable to be so upset by my sisters?

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 04/02/2025 10:33

perceive time spent visiting me as taking away from time with their nuclear family something like, if they visited me then they wouldn't have enough time to spend with their own family)

I assume that if they took annual leave to visit you they wouldn't have enough left to have their own holiday and other family activities. You sound really dismissive of this. The onus needs to be on you to visit if you want to see them.

fruitbrewhaha · 04/02/2025 10:32

I think fits pretty off. Unless they had some prearranged thing they could t get out of, for instance a sport they coach or had offered lifts to other families for something I can’t see why they couldn’t have found time.

Were you completely open with availability or was it 10am or nothing?

I’ve been let down y someone recently. I do t blame them, but know I know where I stand.

Where do you live? Is it somewhere tourists would visit? Why can’t the sisters come out together one weekend?

AnneLovesGilbert · 04/02/2025 10:31

I can’t see how much notice you gave them?

Lyra87 · 04/02/2025 10:31

I don't think you're unreasonable at all. I'd be very hurt by this. I couldn't imagine not carving put a small bit of time to see my DSis who was visiting for a weekend if my sister lived abroad. I wonder if there's resentment that you moved away?

Getitwright · 04/02/2025 10:28

I can understand your Sisters not being happy at giving up their free time to a certain extent. It sounds like they lead busy lives and value their routines. Why not make arrangements to meet each of them at your parent’s home, when they pick up their children? It’s you who has all the free time in the week, so if you want to see them, make the effort to fit in with their commitments?

I think if you want your Sisters to be more involved in your life, you are going to have to build some bridges in different ways, perhaps via a Zoom/video call every so often, let the neice’s say hello, see if they want to communicate. Five years without a great deal of contact is going to need some rebuilding, time and patience. It may not actually happen in your generation, but it might happen for your neice’s hopefully.

Original poster
OpalDreaming · 04/02/2025 10:25

@Tradersinsnow I appreacite your persepctive, thank you. Yah it's the brew that hurts - tother stuff I get

OP posts:
Original poster
OpalDreaming · 04/02/2025 10:23

@user1492757084 Thank you for sharing. I will keep that sentence in mind for next time.

OP posts:
Original poster
OpalDreaming · 04/02/2025 10:21

@unmemorableusername Thanks for your persepctive, I appreciate it. I believe I am making an effort.

OP posts:
Tradersinsnow · 04/02/2025 10:17

That is hurtful to not even make half an hour effort to catch up.

user1492757084 · 04/02/2025 10:17

When does it suit to catch up? is what you could have said.

Can you not all meet at a playground for a picnic?

unmemorableusername · 04/02/2025 10:11

You moved away.

You put your nuclear family over extended family.

You can't criticise them for doing the same.

Weekend mornings for a busy family isnt very convenient for most. It also sounds very prescriptive.

If you want a closer relationship you have to be closer & make more effort.

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