Sisters too busy to see me

Absolutely

There remains Sunday afternoon, though

If, for example, the reason she’s in the country is because she’s attending a wedding on the Saturday afternoon, then she’s only going to be available in the morning.

I'm sorry you've found replies difficult.

I dont think anyone wants to hurt you.

It sounds like you had good intentions wanting to spend qualities with DNs

Whether your DSIS's were genuinely too busy or it was a rejection all anyone here can do is speculate.

Families can be tough.

It's no lost cause though!

You restricted the time you were available to mornings only

If you were so keen to see your family, surely you'd be available 24/7?

I think since you gave 3 weeks notice, at least a short get together could have been arranged and I understand you being upset about that. Were you close before you moved away?

The thing is, weekend mornings with kids can be challenging, especially if they're younger or have scheduled activities they don't want to miss. That would be the worst time for a visit for me (but I would make time even if I had to hire a sitter for an hour or two).

You're at a distance both physically and emotionally. Their daily lives are intertwined in a way you aren't a part of and you're feeling excluded. This is part of the cost of moving away. Your daughter is not going to have built in companions because she's got cousins and aunts in another country.

What were you doing the rest of your visit? If this was me and someone said I'm only free in the mornings and I was busy, I probably wouldn't prioritise seeing them either, as they're clearly not prioritising seeing me by arranging a mutually convenient time.

I live in France too and have to accept that no-one will visit me either.
I do go back to the UK once a year and see family, but they do make time to see me though.
For me, the issue is keeping in touch as it always seems one way traffic from me. People seem to think because I'm not in the UK I've fell off a cliff 🙃.

For whatever reason your siblings don’t care to be an “aunt” to your child and they clearly don’t have the same sentimental idea about the cousins being close. Look at how anxiously you tried to create space to “focus” on your nieces—as though your own child is seen as tacked on and not really family snd your role as mother is seen as distracting from your duty as sister/aunt.

Anyone outside your family ever observed that your family treats you as the scapegoat or forgotten child? Do they dislike your partner? Think you have “gotten above yourself” by living “abroad?” Resent you for having more disposable income?

Your post is sad—I would be sad too if my own dd’s were so unloving and cold to each other. But I suspect this is down to some cery old to ic family patterns that predate the move.

It depends on what they do at the weekends.

I have weekends that if someone asked to come I could say "sure, what time suits".
And weekends where I would be in the position of "I should be back about 6pm on Saturday night, but I must leave again by 7 and Sunday only before 10am or after 7pm.
And weekends where I'd have to say that I couldn't meet up at all.

And some of the booked up weekends are booked up months in advance. I can tell you now that the last example I can give you a weekend next December where that would be the case
Me pulling out would mean not just me inconvenienced but others too.

I can't think of anything I wouldn't move or miss on a morning, especially on a weekend where I'd miss the chance to see you. I'm sorry, I think all of my siblings, who are many (7) and live all over would do the same.

Sounds like they’re pissed off with you for some reason. Maybe just be blunt and ask them if you’ve done something to upset them!

Totally agree with all of this.

It sounds like you guys just don’t really have a relationship. How was it before you left?

I mean it’s pretty rude to not even spare a half hour but yeah if you are not and we’re not close as siblings it’s just one of those things.

We see dh’s sibling and their children maybe twice a year and we live in the same city they are not overly close, the cousins are definitely not close and don’t ask after each set to make that a reason to meet up either.

I can’t imagine my in laws coming to visit from abroad and us not making the effort to shift things around to see them, because we love them and we miss them and we want to spend time with them. I have 3 kids with 3 sets of weekend activities and we would (and do) drop them all when we have out family to visit from abroad. So many people seem to resent people for moving away and see it as a rejection of them. The OP moved for her husband’s job.

Weekend mornings are often hectic with classes with kids at that age so not a great time to drop in for coffee and it wouldn't be a quality visit anyway. I think seeing your whole family for a meal or something makes more sense, but they may still be too busy. We've just had Xmas and people are back into the weekly routine now so even if they were positive at the prospect the reality is it's just another thing to fit in and they don't want to see you enough. Which is sad but you did move away so that's how it tends to go. Just because you're back doesn't make them want to drop things in a royal visit way. It's nice your friend was more accommodating but then friends get to choose you while sibling dynamics are more complicated especially with sisters. They may resent the feeling of obligation/imposition more than a friend ever would even if they still love you.

Agree with all of this.

I'd be very hurt too OP. But do you really know what's going on in their lives - do you keep in close contact via online usually?

I agree with all of this. I can't imagine a close relative coming over from abroad after I'd not seen them for a while, and not making every effort to see them (other than in rare circumstances like family emergencies or other large events such as if I had already committed to going to a wedding). Do you know what they were actually doing?

What did your mum think about it?

Not coming to visit you in France is understandable.

Not finding a spare hour after being given three weeks notice, to see your sister after so long, is really shitty and can completely understand why you’d be upset.

Try not to worry about your DD. Mine has lots of cousins she doesn’t see because of distance and is an only child, she has lots of very close, lovely friends that are like brothers and sisters to her and she’s very happy and has a busy social life.

Rubbish - my family are spread out all over, we never pass up an opportunity to see each other. I cannot understand the mindset that if people move away they are no longer worth knowing!

Now you say France I do think it’s off that they can’t come to visit you it’s not like it’s Australia it’s a place you can visit in a weekend or bank holiday

also considering you gave 3 weeks notice it’s rather telling neither of them could not spare the time

what do you think us the issue ?

I would be hurt if my siblings couldn't meet up for a coffee when I'm in the country.

But there is something so odd in the way you write. You had a "unique opportunity" to visit your hometown but your sister said that "seeing you would mean we couldn't achieve the things we need to for our family". Who talks like that? People say "Sorry, Jimmy has a karate exam". And "I set this out in advance and said I hoped I'd be able to visit their homes" is odd too, because normally you would just say "the wedding is at 2pm so can we meet for coffee in the morning? Maybe at yours?" It is all so robotic sounding.

Anyway, I have also moved away from where I grew up, and sometimes it is hurtful when I fly back and people basically can't be arsed to meet up (friends rather than family) but sadly I think it is a cost of moving away. People's lives fill up in our absence and some people keep a space for us but some don't.

God you poor thing! That's absolutely terrible. I think you have to find a way to let them know how it's made you feel. I don't see why you should have to pretend you are cool with it, that's not very honest is it?

The financial side of not visiting France is fair enough. The not making an hour to see you, dreadful. I have two sisters who now live in the same area. They are closer to each other but they’d make time to see us if we visited. What does your mum think?

I completely understand how you feel, @OpalDreaming . My sisters are really lovely, but they are also busy with their jobs, relationships, and children. I often feel like I'm last on their list of 'things to do', and it hurts, quite a lot. I know that they have more pressing priorities than hanging out with me, but I'm always there for them. I will drive for hours to see one, fly to another country to see the other. 10 times in the space of a year (not great for my carbon footprint), but spending time with them and their children is just so important to me.

They don't seem to think the same about spending time with me.

People are different aren’t they? Those that prioritise wider family and seeing each other can’t understand the perspective of the people that don’t. Some people just aren’t as bothered, or it doesn’t occur to them or come naturally because they’re focussed on other things. OP if your relationship with your sisters is important to you, keep going at it and trying, don’t give up but try and manage your expectations and how hurt you feel when it doesn’t pan out - that’s the bit you can control. As an added extra here - if they’re close to each other they have that relationship, they’re not missing out. I get that you feel like you are, but I don’t think you’d ever be as close as they are given you live so far away. It’s a shame but that’s the situation you’re in.