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Original poster

Why does my MIL copy everything?

85 replies

shoogal · 04/02/2025 08:25

My mil has always copied us. Whenever we get something, she then gets the same- cooker, bed, bedding, windows, tv etc. But lately she seems even worse.

We just got a new car and 3 days later she went out and bought the exact same make, model and colour. But newer. I’ve noticed she now has the same bag and boots as me. She asked me what perfume I was wearing.

I’m trying to ignore it but I find it so annoying. We don’t have lots of spare money so it’s not often that we buy things. And then the shine is taken straight off as she has then got the same as she has lots of disposable income.

When I say to my husband, he says she just didn’t think or didn’t realise they were the same. I don’t think that’s true at all.

It’s a bit confusing as she has always been good to us but I’m really wanting to keep my distance at the moment as I’m finding it so infuriating. This isn’t ideal or easy as she lives nearby.

I know some will say I should be flattered but it feels more like an identity theft.

Have others had this experience and what did you do? It seems so childish and petty but it really bothers me and is causing a rift with my husband also now. I’m finding it more and more difficult to bite my tongue but if I say anything it will just blow things up. How can I handle this situation? Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
AgathaX · 04/02/2025 08:45

Make a jokey comment when you next get something new and before she goes and buys it. Something along the lines of when can I expect to see you with exactly the same item?
She maybe doesn't realise how annoying it is. You need to gently let her know.

Original poster
shoogal · 04/02/2025 08:44

Theunamedcat · 04/02/2025 08:40

Had the same thing except they would buy things BECAUSE we said we wanted them so for example ex was saving up for a specific car it ticked all his "needs" boxes it was just a bit financially out of reach they went out bought themselves an identical car to what he wanted he wanted an Xbox years ago when he was younger they bought themselves one (to sit and collect dust they weren't exactly gamers) then they sold it to CEX for pennies I noticed this fairly quickly after we got together both his parents were like this (divorced and remarried to other people) I had a bit of fun telling them all about these electric bikes that ex wanted us to have they trotted out and bought them a 3D television they bought that too then I think mil husband caught on and he stopped buying as much his dad carried on for a bit longer but the last I heard ex had started doing it back one upping them too

Really glad I'm out of that family so bizarre

Yes it’s all very strange. I have a great relationship with husband, mil is in an unhappy marriage (to my husbands Dad) so that could play a part. I bet you’re glad to be out of it!

OP posts:
fallingupwards · 04/02/2025 08:41

Next time say "Our new XYZ is from X shop if you want to copy/want one the same." she'll soon stop.

Theunamedcat · 04/02/2025 08:40

Had the same thing except they would buy things BECAUSE we said we wanted them so for example ex was saving up for a specific car it ticked all his "needs" boxes it was just a bit financially out of reach they went out bought themselves an identical car to what he wanted he wanted an Xbox years ago when he was younger they bought themselves one (to sit and collect dust they weren't exactly gamers) then they sold it to CEX for pennies I noticed this fairly quickly after we got together both his parents were like this (divorced and remarried to other people) I had a bit of fun telling them all about these electric bikes that ex wanted us to have they trotted out and bought them a 3D television they bought that too then I think mil husband caught on and he stopped buying as much his dad carried on for a bit longer but the last I heard ex had started doing it back one upping them too

Really glad I'm out of that family so bizarre

Original poster
shoogal · 04/02/2025 08:40

BilboBlaggin · 04/02/2025 08:31

If you're not prepared to say anything to her then you'll have to learn to dismiss it. It can only bother you if you allow it to. Likewise, it can only cause issues between you and your DH if you allow it to bother you.

Every time she buys something the same just laugh and say "There's a surprise, exactly the same as I've/we've just bought".

Yes you’re right. I need to put up it shut up. I want to say something but know it won’t end well. I’m really trying to get over this. Argh!

OP posts:
Original poster
shoogal · 04/02/2025 08:38

RitaFromTheRanch · 04/02/2025 08:30

Ask her, that's the same as ours/mine, why did you pick it?

Oh yes that would be interesting.

OP posts:
Original poster
shoogal · 04/02/2025 08:37

Lookuptotheskies · 04/02/2025 08:29

Do you say anything to her when she turns up with the exact same car or bag?! I would! Just a light hearted or jokey comment pointing out you've noticed. My tone would suggest I found it odd and confusing.

Has anyone else noticed? Is dh an only child?

I know it's hard but try not to let it bother you a massive amount. Approach it with pity and curiosity rather than annoyance - in your mind I mean, not out completely out loud. 🤣 It's a very odd thing to do copying your dil to such a degree as this.

No, I don’t say anything, just quietly fume. I haven’t even mentioned her new car. Passive aggression probably isn’t the best but I’m trying not to explode. I like your idea of commenting that I’ve noticed.
He isn’t an only child but very much the golden boy.

OP posts:
BilboBlaggin · 04/02/2025 08:31

If you're not prepared to say anything to her then you'll have to learn to dismiss it. It can only bother you if you allow it to. Likewise, it can only cause issues between you and your DH if you allow it to bother you.

Every time she buys something the same just laugh and say "There's a surprise, exactly the same as I've/we've just bought".

RitaFromTheRanch · 04/02/2025 08:30

Ask her, that's the same as ours/mine, why did you pick it?

Lookuptotheskies · 04/02/2025 08:29

Do you say anything to her when she turns up with the exact same car or bag?! I would! Just a light hearted or jokey comment pointing out you've noticed. My tone would suggest I found it odd and confusing.

Has anyone else noticed? Is dh an only child?

I know it's hard but try not to let it bother you a massive amount. Approach it with pity and curiosity rather than annoyance - in your mind I mean, not out completely out loud. 🤣 It's a very odd thing to do copying your dil to such a degree as this.